Why You Shouldn't Avoid Sugar Daddy Sites

Many people frown on women seeking sex online with wealthy and older men, but believe it or not, there are plenty of reasons why you should use Sugar Daddy online dating sites. Forget what your family says and don`t fret when somebody calls you a gold digger. Just reap all the benefits and here are some good reasons why you should try dating a "sugar daddy."

1. Younger men are too immature these days and take longer getting established. If you`re looking for a more secure relationship, sugar daddies can provide that for you.

2. Older men have more manners than younger men. They have more respect for their women and they raised in a time when they were taught to be gentlemen.

3. Sugar daddies have more life experience, which means that they also are far more forgiving when you bring baggage to the kinship.

4. Sugar Daddies know the best restaurants and they can actually afford to take you there.

5. They can help you reach your career goals and ambition because they have the money to bring you to success.

6. Older sugar daddies are far more generous when it comes to sexual activities.

7. Sugar daddies treat you like the queen that you are. They bring you gifts and take you away to the countries you always wanted to visit unlike younger blue-collar men.

8. If you`re looking for a serious relationship, sugar daddies are always looking for commitment.

9. Sugar daddies always want to please you and are far better at it than younger men.

10. Most importantly, you will always wake up with breakfast in bed when dating a sugar daddy.

Happy hunting!

Sex Tip of the Day: Mirrors

We’ve talked a lot about how guys get off from feeling sexually competent. But women aren’t immune to sexual narcissism, and it’s a lot easier for us to feed those cravings. We never have to worry about whether a guy faked an orgasm, and men generally approach sex with an abundance of enthusiasm, which is easy to credit to our own performance.

The fact is, the more confident you feel during sex, the better you’ll be in bed. Like we’ve said beforethe number one turn-on for guys is enthusiasm, and shyness/timidity don’t make you look eager.

One way to build confidence is to feed your inner narcissist. There’s a certain thrill that comes with watching yourself engage in intercourse, and it helps with body confidence too.

To start channeling your inner porn star, add a mirror.

If you’ve never tried this before, take baby steps. You don’t have to rearrange your bedroom, but angle your bed or open your closet door so that you can see your own reflection from certain spots on your bed.

If you’re nervous, set it up ahead of time. But if you want to make this even more of a turn-on, wait until you’re mid-coitus to say something like, “Hang on—I really wanna watch this.”

Don’t focus all your attention on the mirror. But sneak a peek every once in a while when you’re feeling super sexy.

Try getting on top and arching your back. A curved back makes you look ten pounds thinner, and no girl can resist a flattering angle.

If the reflection starts freaking you out, reposition yourself so you can’t see it. But try again a few minutes later. The more you’re able to enjoy the view, the harder it is for your inner critic to ruin the moment.

Don’t worry about any jiggling skin—this happens to everyone, even super models.

If you’re up for it, try watching porn ahead of time (Spankwire and Pornhub are good places for beginners to start). It’ll give you a good idea of what turns guys on, and you’ll see how close to “normal” that is (especially in terms of body fat).

The more you can enjoy watching yourself have sex, the easier it’ll be to convince guys that you’re great in bed.

The Stripper Question

Recently, one of our friend’s moms got drunk and spilled some secrets about her wild and crazy youth in Canada.

We would be remiss if we didn’t share one of them with you, loyal readers.

Back in the day, this mom (we’ll call her Abby) was friends with a guy whose parents owned a bunch of strip clubs in Ontario. She’d never been to a strip club before (she was, we think, the only person in Canada at the time with this distinction), so her friend convinced her to visit one of his parent’s “business establishments” one night.

Abby noticed that 9 out of 10 girls were smokin’ hot. But the other 10 percent, were, well, cute, but not knockouts.

She asked her friend about this, and explained that those are the most important girls. Guys like to see hot women dance around buck naked, but they always see those women as completely unattainable.

The meh girls, however, seem more attainable, and, as a result, they’re a more attainable fantasy. Guys can fantasize about the girls who don’t seem like a perfect 10 because it’s easier for them to believe that these girls would actually want to have sex with them. They’ll throw much more money at these girls because the fantasy becomes so real to them, and they forget that strippers don’t go home with you at the end of the night.

We’re not saying you should all go out and get part-time jobs at The House.

But we do think “normal” women tend to be very intimidated by the few supermodels who walk among us. And while those girls probably do get the most attention, the guys who go after them are like the kids who apply to Harvard with a 1200 on their SATs. It’s worth a shot in the dark for such a big payoff, but you go into knowing it’s probably not going to happen.

Most guys are also beyond intimidated by the idea of sleeping with one of these Sports Illustrated pinups. One of our friends actually broke up with a girl because, “I felt like I was having sex with a porn star.” And while that may sound sexy at first, it quickly leads to performance anxiety and feelings of self-doubt.

You want to be an attainable fantasy. That doesn’t mean you should go out in sweatpants, but it does mean you shouldn’t wear a baggy t-shirt to happy hour because you’re worried people will notice that you lost your 3 p.m. battle with the vending machine.

Monday News Roundup: Making a Connection

Two articles about sex/dating caught our eye this weekend.

The first one comes from the Lavanya Ramanathan at the Washington Post. It’s called “Making a Connection,” and it discusses the unique challenges of dating in three decades: your 20s, your 30s, and your 40s. You can read the full article here, but here’s an excerpt from the section on dating in your 20s:

What we're about to say may infuriate you. It may prompt you to send us angry missives about ageism. But here goes:

The rest of us could learn a thing or two from the dating habits of 20-somethings.

Our dating experts all suggest the same approach to dating at any age: Relax (or at least appear to be unaware of the incessant, pounding tick-tock of your internal clocks) and your charms will shine through.

No one does this better than people in their 20s. (The first dates that can make the rest of us so nervous? A 25-year-old will casually call them "hanging out.")

Of course, 20-somethings have good reason to be relaxed about love. Their dating pool is a virtual ocean, still teeming with cute, smart, upwardly mobile types. And they often have the opportunity to dive right in: There are bars, work outings, social groups and even strange, retro sports leagues that can all serve as venues to meet that special someone…

Twenty-somethings get out there. If a relationship doesn't work out, they keep optimistically forging ahead -- a strategy everyone should try…

Washington does pose some major challenges for 20-something daters, not the least of which is trying to go out in the city on a ramen-noodle budget…

At any age, first and second dates should feel organic and low-pressure. Hit the zoo, a festival or an art event. Check out a jazz club. Walk there if you can.

Our verdict: We like the idea of taking each date one step at a time and not worrying about whether or not he’ll make a good husband just because he ordered pâté on the first date. We also agree with the article’s take on breaking things off and moving on as soon as you realize that it’s not working, and its suggestion that meeting guys in bars is a terrible idea.

But we don’t think they got everything right.

While dating in your 20s might not be as hard as dating in your 30s and 40s, it certainly isn’t easy. We’d love to find Ms. Ramanathan’s “virtual ocean” stocked with an infinite number of “catches.” In our experience, the problem with dating in DC isn’t the price of an entrée at 1789, it’s finding a person you actually want to spend an entire dinner with.

Yes, there are probably more single 20-somethings than there are single 30-somethings. But that doesn’t mean that your future partner is going to be a cute guy in a suit who asks for your number at Potbelly’s (or posts about you later on Missed Connections).

You have to wade through a lot of ex-frat boys with huge egos and significantly smaller potential to find the one guy who’s worth investing in. And if you sit back and wait for it to happen, your chances of finding someone you can start thinking about a future with are going to drop.

This doesn’t mean you should approach guys in bars. It doesn’t mean you should lower your standards or freak out because you’re not going on enough dates.

But it does mean you should act in a way that’ll make the good ones want to stick around.

Ms. Ramanathan complains that:

Books tell us the only way to master dating is to approach it like chess players: He makes his move, then you make yours. Then no one calls anyone for three days.

But those of us who have attempted to find The One know there's about as much strategy involved as fumbling for a light switch in the dark. You try bars, friends-of-friends, the Internet. You consider arranged marriage.

Yes, it’s hard to find eligible bachelors. But what she seems to argue is, when you find the right guy, you don’t have to worry about playing games, because all the cards will fall into place. The problem, according to the author, is finding that guy.

But if finding that guy is so hard, why do things that will set you back in the dating game? Why bring a guy home for a naked make-out because you’re only 25, and there are plenty of guys out there who could turn out to be “The One?”

The thing about The One is, you usually realize he’s The One after you’ve already started engaging in less-than-girlfriendy behavior, like going over to his apartment at 2 a.m. for sex and thinking that will encourage him to make dinner plans with you.

First dates are awkward and nerve-wracking, and it’s hard to decide if you click with your date when all you can think about is whether or not you have food stuck in your teeth. You might write him off because he blows his nose in his napkin, put him on the “hook-up only list,” and three weeks of booty calls later, realize that he shares your love of French poetry.

While it’d be great if the pressure could somehow be lifted from first dates, it’s not going to happen as long as the fear of rejection keeps third-wheeling. And if you start approaching dates as “hanging out,” most of them are going to take place in a tiny studio in Georgetown, and there’s going to be a lot more hooking up than hanging out.

Because good dates are so hard to find, you don’t want to blow it. And while it may seem silly and immature and unfair, playing hard to get will get you more second dates than texting him five minutes after he drops you off.

Keeping It Short Isn't Sweet

In today`s generation, people are used to interacting by having online chat sessions with one another more than they see actually being face to face these days. People send sweet little nothings to their significant others and spouses and they send tweets to random acquaintances they will probably never hang out with in person. So the question is are our short texts, tweets and email messages as sweet as we think they are? Think again.

Despite the fact that majority of people are now all college and university educated, society can`t seem to bring themselves to write something more than 140 characters to people. According to a recent sex dating survey, twenty-two percent of men generally send texts and tweets that consist of only one word. These commonly used words include ‘bbm, gtalk, hello, hey, msn, sup, yo and u?` Only two of those are actually words you should know.

Women are far more chat-friendly and only fifteen percent of women send texts and tweets that solely consist of a single word.

So what can we get out of this? First of all, we should do our high school teachers and University professors proud and start writing more than one damn word to each other. It`s bad enough that we are all cooped up at home living our lives through our computers. We should start interacting with the people in our lives more often and unless we have anything meaningful to say, don`t text it. When it comes down to it, words are all anybody has that is meaningful in this life. So, use them!

Survey the District: How to Make Orgasms a Team Effort

Dear Date the District,

I read your post about how to climax/have good sex. While I think your take on this was helpful, I am relatively shy when it comes to speaking up about what I need in the bedroom. While I don't really have body-consciousness issues, I'm pretty self-conscious about the actual process of how things progress in the bedroom. Sadly, I have never achieved the "big O" with a guy before (I know I am capable of it because I've done it myself). For some reason, it just never gets there for me and I can't tell if I am the one with the issues or if it's whatever guy I'm with that doesn't know what he's doing. Either way, I feel totally weird about giving direction or taking direction. Advice on this? Do guys find it off-putting when a girl says "no, do it like this" to them??

No—in fact, it’s a major turn on!

The female body is a huge mystery to most guys. The male reproductive system is a little more straightforward—the target zone is a lot bigger, for one thing.

So a lot of guys have no clue what they’re doing and feel a little lost every time they’re confronted with a vagina. When they’re not 100 percent sure what to do, they start to worry that they’re doing something wrong, which detracts from their ability to enjoy the task at hand.

When you tell them what to do, they don’t have to worry about getting you off. They can follow your instructions and focus on the pleasurable sensations instead of worrying about getting everything right.

Like we’ve said before, guys get off on driving you wild. They can have an orgasm without having sex, and watching you get hot and bothered is a huge ego boost that’s hard to replicate outside of the bedroom.

It doesn’t matter if you had to lead the way—if you can come, they’ll be happy to take all the credit.

If you feel shy about telling a guy exactly what you want, spin it in a positive light. If he’s licking your bellybutton and seems to think he’s found the clitoris, you don’t have to say, “That’s not really working for me.” Instead, you can say, “You know, it feels really good when you do this,” and then take his hand to the right spot. Guide his fingers for the first few seconds, and then let him know when he gets it right. Soft moaning or words of encouragement will do the trick.

Attitude is everything when it comes to sex. Guys love it when girls take the lead, but you can pretty much get away with whatever you want if you act like what you’re doing is perfectly normal.

When guys have sex, they’re more worried about whether or not they’re doing something wrong. They don’t have enough energy left over to watch you with a critical eye, so if you project confidence, they’ll assume that you know what you’re doing.

Sometimes you really have to force yourself to take the plunge to see how this works though. If you’re too shy to ask him to do something outright, move his hand. When you see how willingly he follows your direction, that might give you the confidence you need to deliver verbal instruction.

But sometimes you just have to get over your shyness. It can help to disassociate from yourself. Pretend you’re playing a porn star in a Larry Flint special. In pornos, the women don’t lay there and hope he gets it right. Depending on the genre, they’ll nag, yell, boss, and generally take command.

Or try taking deep breaths and relaxing. The more comfortable you feel, the easier it’ll be for you to release some inhibitions.

But realize that coming isn’t as easy with a guy as it is when you’re by yourself. And the fact that you haven’t come with a guy before is nobody’s fault. There’s nothing wrong with you—it just takes practice!

Be patient and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have an orgasm when you’re with a guy. You might have some moves you can use to get yourself off, but a guy might not be able to replicate those exactly.

It might take some work and collaboration on both of your parts. But remember, most guys are eager to work with you to achieve climax—no matter how long it takes. It might feel weird for you to make adjustments every few minutes, but the guy is probably so eager to get you off that he won’t notice.

What Type Of Women Join Dating Sites?

When it comes to interacting with the opposite sex online, most men start to question exactly what type of women are searching for love and sex on dating sites. To let you know, there is a huge variety of women who are looking for love and friendship on dating sites.

The Busy business woman

Men shouldn`t feel intimidated by the business woman. She has most likely joined a dating site because she is too busy to meet anyone outside of work. She is a challenge, but she`s easy to win over.

The Woman With No Confidence

Women who are painfully shy, slightly overweight or are plain Janes love to frequent dating sites. She has a lot to give and is not hard to approach at all.

The gold digger

There are plenty of sugardaddy websites on the web and women who are looking to become sugarmamas are always on dating sites waiting for the gold. To avoid this type of woman, don`t brag about your cash and you should be fine.

The single mom

Dating sites are great for single mothers who are desperate to get back into the dating game and most likely she is looking for a commitment rather than finding someone to casually date. Only pursue these ladies if you are ready to be a step-daddy. 

The Woo Girl

These girls are looking for casual encounters after late nights at clubs and will pretty much give it up to you in seconds. She is a dime a dozen. Be safe and you should be able to have much fun with these party girls.

There are many women online that are looking for nothing else but to have some fun with someone. They want a no strings attached relationship and much more willing to be a friend with benefits if you know what I mean. Don’t think for a second she will be easy though, because very likely she has a waiting list of men, so you better stand out and be very charming.

A Well-Timed Ending Relationship

When a relationship ends, even if it ends badly, there is a future of the

Single men and women live for the potential of dates, the promise of sex, the future of meeting someone off adult personals and finding out what there is to find out about them. The promise of a possibility is what leads us time and again to search for a significant other or even just a good fuck; if we were truly waylaid at every failed love affair there`d only even be on in our lives! The true nature of want makes us romantic, what fuels our hearts as well as pumps our libido is hope. Even in the middle of an affair that drags them down, so many people stay time and again with the promise of a new day.

The well-timed ended relationship could stop us though as much as fill our minds with dreams of what-might-have-been. As much as we can imagine a whole bunch of future moments with an ex that are very much like those moments we had, and no matter how much we can enjoy some masturbatory fodder from our memories, just the mere fact that we pine so greatly or even simply consider some what-ifs might stop us dead in our tracks from entertaining the thought of going at it again, of allowing the possibility of a love in our life. Less a feeling of being burned once and not wanting to tickle the flame of a steady relationship once again, it`s simply that too many of us get stuck in imaging what life could have, might have, should have been like that we don`t make a life for ourselves right now, or even consider one with anyone new.

Dangerous Dates?

One of our friends recently met a guy on OK Cupid. For their first date, he suggested dinner, which went well. He mentioned hiking a few times throughout the evening, and at the end he suggested they go for a hike the following weekend.

Our friend didn’t think anything of it, but when she mentioned it to her mother a few days later, her mom freaked. Meeting a guy from the internet in the woods?? To her, it sounded like the intro to a Dateline special.

While it’s always better to err on the safe side, hiking with a guy you met on Match.com probably carries about the same risks as with a guy you met in a bar.

A friend of a friend has the advantage of being, at least minimally, vetted, but don’t statistics show that women have a higher chance of being raped by someone they actually know? And if sensational news is any indication, serial killers succeed because they’re always the man that no one suggests.

We’re not saying you should put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation just because you’re fucked if you do, fucked if you don’t. And if a guy suggests meeting in an abandoned parking lot for your first date, there’s no reason to go.

But if you’ve met him, and you’re comfortable, the fact that you met him online doesn’t have to factor in to your decision.

Like we’ve mentioned before, online dating sites don’t really differ that much from Adams Morgan. If you’re single, you’re there for a reason. It’s like getting set up by a computer instead of a friend, but when you combine sex with the internet, people get scared.

Some creeps show up in your real life, and some drop $100 to post a profile on Match.com. All forms of dating involve weeding out the people that don’t meet your standards, and while the internet’s wider selection might mean a higher number of weirdos, proportionally, it’s probably about the same.

But for whatever reason, spending an afternoon with a guy that we met at a bar seems safer to some people than going out with a guy who messaged you online.

It’s not. If you’re getting bad vibes, that’s one thing, but the amount of information you can garner from one dance-floor makeout is probably less than what you’d get from reading his OK Cupid profile. So, in some ways, you know more about IrishCutie23 than you do about the guy who’s saved in your phone as “Dave Front Page guy.”

Lessons from Karen F. Owen

Note: Links to uncensored slides at the bottom of the post.

            By now, most of you have probably heard of the Duke alum who either popped an Adderall the night before a huge final or took one too many Biz Com classes and decided to document her sexual conquests in a surprisingly businesslike PowerPoint presentation.

            Certain “media” outlets (cough Gawker cough) have been ripping the aforementioned femme fatale (better known as Karen F. Owen, apparently not to be confused with the myriad of other Karen Owens else there/a lesson in why you should never include your middle name in your Facebook identity, lest you too find yourself enshrined in a similar “scandal” and Facebook search renders you unable to bask in anonymity) to shreds, but we don’t really see what all the fuss is about.

            Yes, it’s embarrassing, and yes, parents/grandparents/future employers can now find all sorts of anatomical information on Ms. Owen and her band of 13, but, to us, this PowerPoint presentation is, at the least, highly entertaining, and, at most, pretty informative.

            The evaluations of each “subject” and description of each “encounter” include such brutally honest assessments of her own performance that we’re inclined to take most of her conclusions at face value. (One review has the author basically admitting that the highlight of her hookup had nothing to do with sex—it was being surrounded by hot lax gods who were telling her how hot she was. We’ve all been there—it just takes balls to admit it.)

And it’s men, not women, who stand to benefit most from Ms. Owen’s backbreaking research.

1. Bigger DOES NOT equal better. We know you guys grew up with Sex and the City, and watching Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda traipse through Manhattan in search of  he biggest package has convinced you that size is all that matters to women. Size is an issue, but you’re more likely to hear a girl complain about a guy being too big than you are too small.

    

      The bigger a guy is, the more likely it’s gonna hurt. Ms. Owen describes sex with her best-endowed subject as “a tad painful” and gives him one of lowest score on the charts—4/10.

      So stop opening those e-mails promising you 10 inches of hard, pulsing manhood, mkay?

2. Exude enthusiasm—for her. The French-Canadian finishes dead last for being cheap with the kisses (“did not even bother to kiss me for more than a few seconds”) and generally ignoring her afterwards. He may only have been looking for a one-night stand, but now his name’s plastered all over the internet as the worst one girl’s ever had. On the other hand, most of the top-scorers earned points for doling out compliments. Ms. Owen gushes about how one guy ran his hands all over her body, and when she confronted him about it, he said, “Shh… I’m just trying to explore this body…”

Ms. Owen’s presentation also brings up something we’re hesitant to talk about: insecurity. Ms. Owen herself plainly admits to being “susceptible  to compliments” and going home with a guy just because he said she was hot. Suffice it to say that the average woman’s self-esteem is probably lower than that of the average man, and everyone likes a boost in confidence.

If you want to come off as a top-notch lover, pay attention to her. Tell her she’s sexy, don’t skimp on the lip-to-lip contact (even after foreplay’s over), rub your fingers all over her body. The sexier you make her feel, the sexier she’ll think you are. Even if it’s a one-night stand, pretend (and act) like she’s the girl of your dreams.

Keep the compliments coming mid-coitus. Tell her when it feels good. Tell her you love it when she does that. This will help her relax, feel more confident, and enjoy herself. Need proof? Read Ms. Owen’s evaluation of subject 9.

Ms. Owen also claims that one subject blew her away with “intense eye contact” throughout sex. We’re a little wary of this one, as we see the potential for disaster, but it might be something to whip out every once in a while.

3. Don’t peace out afterwards. Ms. Owen also seems to bump scores based on how boys behaved post-hookup. The ones who stayed to chat always got higher scores than the ones who “had to get up early.” In theory, these scores are supposed to be about sex alone (well, technically, “hook-ups,” but we’re going to go ahead and call that the same thing), but this shows that 1) sex is more about the in-and-out and 2) our perception of another person’s skill in bed have a lot more to do with us than them. When Ms. Owens thinks back on the night with the French-Canadian, the way she felt (i.e., shitty) stands out more than anything else, which makes her remember things as being worse than they actually were. (She claims he came off as rude in the taxi home, but the fact that she still went home with him leaves us to suspect that his bad manners seemed more pronounced after the fact, when she was reflecting on the whole evening.)

4. Try something new. Ms. Owens raves about one subject, who takes her to have sex in new places (e.g., the library) and introduces her to new positions that “seemed ingeniously innovative.”

       Women often feel the need to mask (or at least downplay) their sexuality. The SATC girls may have spent all day talking about vibrators, orgasms, and porn, but a surprisingly large number of women feel awkward talking about this stuff, even with close friends.

      But most girls enjoy going crazy when it comes it sex–it makes them feel like powerful sexual beings. Women like to cling to the illusion that they can snare men with sex, and giving an upside-down blowjob in a packed library makes that dream feel attainably close.

      So suggest something that goes beyond plain vanilla, and remain assertive, up to a certain point, when she starts to protest. Because women don’t tend to be as comfortable with sexuality, she might not say yes right away. But as long as she’s giggling and putting up less-than-radical protests, keep going with it. (When she breaks out the mace, back down.)

      Tell her you’ve always wanted to do it outside, or in your car, or at your office. Consult Google, books, and your friends for advice on new positions. But do everyone a favor and avoid blind experimentation and/or porn. Just because can picture it doesn’t mean it’ll work, and just because it’s sexy when Audrey Bitoni does it doesn’t mean it won’t be awkward when your girlfriend tries it.

       Also, be wary of dirty talk. When used effectively, it can be incredibly sexy, but it’s really easy to sound ridiculous, especially with a one-night stand. Like the (white) Red Sox player who kept saying, “Tell me how much you like big black cocks.” When you’re with someone you trust, it doesn’t matter, but when it’s a girl you picked up at a bar, well… you end up on the internet.

5. Build anticipation. After having sex in the library, one of Ms. Owen’s subjects goes on to take her on, “the most erotic walk of my life.”

How does he do it? He just puts her panties in his pocket and makes her walk across campus. OK, so you might not have those tricks at your disposal, but the key is to get things to the point where, “we both wanted each other so badly we almost couldn’t wait.”

Because girls are more about the mental than the physical, thinking about what’s coming is usually better than actually coming (well, almost). The key is to get her hot and bothered long before you reach your final destination.

Try slow, sensual make-outs in a public place that’s at least 20 minutes from any potential bedroom. Whenever things are about to turn PG-13, pull back. Stroke her hair. Tell her she looks beautiful. Draw it out. Make her feel like she wants you as much as you want her.

6.       6. Take control. Only one subject receives a score above 10, and what’s it for? “Him COMPLETELY taking control, throwing me around like I weighed nothing, dominating me, grabbing my hair…”

Most people like to be dominated (in a sexual sense anyway), regardless of gender. So if you want to be good in bed, the best thing you can do is fulfill that need—whether you’re a guy or a girl.

But this is perhaps more true for men. As we’ve discussed before, women sometimes feel shy and timid when it comes to sex, especially when they’re with a new partner. Make her feel like you know the ropes, and show her the way, while you’re at it.

7.       7. Suggest the shower. Most girls that we know love showering, but understand that actual penetration in the shower requires a delicate balance of proportions, and if looks like it’s not going to work, go back to anything but before it gets awkward.

“I had always shied away from [showers with guys]…as I felt as though it would make me look terrible (false, as demonstrated by a later repeat with Subject 9) and expose my flaws (false, it hides them even better).” Guys, this might not mean much at first glance, but it’s one of the most important sentences you’ll ever read in your life.

Here’s a secret: woman are always looking for ways to look/feel skinner. If you can convince yours that the shower is one of them, you’ll be getting warm-water blowjobs for the foreseeable future. If you’ve read tip 2, this should be obvious, but we’ll say it again—complement her! In the shower! Tell her how sexy she looks. If you really want to wow her, say something like, “You’re so skinny! I need to get you a sandwich.”

To anyone who disagrees with Ms. Owen’s advice, we say: haters gonna hate.

Check out the uncensored (and slightly out-of-order) slides here and here.

Ottawans On Top When It Comes To Sex

One thing that you didn`t know about Ottawa is probably that they love sex! Ottawa is toes up because not only have they landed the first ever Sexapalooza show, but they`ve consistently had the best attended, sold out shows in three Ontario markets.

"It`s the right city size, the right location, the right vibe-it all comes together," says spokesperson Jocasta Boone.

The city is waiting to see if they will be able to hold that crown if the CBC`s Dragon`s Den will fund its expansion across Canada and into the US.

In the meantime however, Boone says Ottawa remains the eager beaver in all things sexual. Whether your interest is the history of sex, how to do a great lap dance, and the do`s and don`ts of sex toys. The show is ultimately "about educating and looking at every aspect of healthy sexual endeavor."

Here is a look at some preteen awesome features of the festival:

1. Dancing girls: The main stage will have a whole lot of something for everyone, including Ottawa`s own burlesque troupes, Rockalilly and Capital Tease.
2. Workshop your sexuality: Adult sex stores will give seminars on how to find a g-spot, how to give the best oral, foreplay, and vibrator use.
3. Tie me up, tie me down: this one offers showers a chance to slip into something a little more restraining. "The dungeon" is al about BDSM.
4. Alley of fantasies: the alley is a series of large painted panels depicting various compromising positions where you can poke your head through the cutouts and have your picture taken.

And there is a lot more! Check out Sexapalooza January 14-16 at Lansdowne park in Ottawa.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Proper BBM Chat Etiquette

Online chat rooms have been scarce lately because it seems like everybody is improving their dating lives with their blackberries. However, just like facebook chat and chat rooms, there is an etiquette to follow.BBMing has now turned into a sensation of its own with rules and that if not applied can get lost in translation. Now liveprofile has taken over and it allows all types of smart phones to talk together at the same time. *Shudder*

Things One Needs to Consider when BBMing

PING!?!
So, you`ve been pinged. How long should you take to respond?

Response Time
Some people are honestly too busy and don’t have their blackberry attached to their hip like others. Patience is a virtue use must use before creating a fight with the other BBM user. He and or she will eventually message you back because they know you know they`ve seen your BBM message.

Contact List
Do I speak to the contact daily, weekly, monthly, or rarely ever? Just like Facebook, you will be amazed by how many people you don`t talk to on a regular basis. You even forget that you have some of them still on your contact list. It`s perfectly acceptable to do a BBM clean up from time to time. If the other person is upset that you deleted them off your contact list, just tell them that BBM messaging goes both ways. It`s not high school anymore. Keep your BBM contact list low.

Respecting Online BBM Status

Unless it`s an emergency, it`s best to not contact BBM users that say they`re unavailable or busy on their BBM status. It`s rude and annoying if you ignore their statuses. You may be the reason why BBM users put their status as busy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

What to Wear on a First Date

One of the great things about first dates is how easy it is to recycle outfits. If you have one dress reserved for first dates, no one will ever know how often you wear it (even if you find yourself pulling it out of your hamper three nights in a row).

We’re not slaves to fashion, and normally we don’t think it’s worth spending too much time thinking about what to wear. But a first date brings out the neurosis in most of us, and if you spend too much time worrying about your outfit, it can put you in the I’m-trying-too-hard frame of mind that never looks good on anyone.

Having a go-to outfit tucked away in your closet can help alleviate pre-date jitters.

But not everyone has the same ideas about what makes a good outfit, so we enlisted the help of two single DCers who never seem to be at a loss for dates. And we threw in our own opinion, just for good measure.

The 9-to-5 Blonde

When this girl goes out, guys take one look at her and open a tab. But she still gets nervous before dates. She went out with a new guy for the first time the other night, and she shared this story about what she wore:

The morning of my first date I heard on the radio that in order to have a successful first date (meaning, he calls you back) you have to show off 40 percent of your skin. (Apparently both arms are 10 percent and legs are 15 percent each.) That led to an entire day of anxiety trying to figure out how I was going to show off 40 percent of my skin in the middle of November. After mentioning this statistic to a few friends, it didn't take long for us to realize that no one other than a man came up with that statistic. Every woman should feel beautiful on her first date and if you feel beautiful showing off 40 percent of your skin in the middle of November, than do it. I prefer to be warm and comfortable. Basically, I decided what to wear based on what makes me feel beautiful. I chose the color black because it is slimming and classy. This black sweater dress is tight around my waist and really shows off my body without revealing a lot of skin. I wore tights and knee-high black boots to give it a wintery look. I topped the outfit off with a silver necklace to add some color other than black. When he picked me up the first words out of his mouth were, "You look great." The 40 percent skin rule isn't really a rule at all. Wear what makes you feel beautiful and you will come across as a confident and classy young woman that he can't wait to spend another night with.

The Black Card Beauty

When this girl goes shopping, she tells them to put it on her account. But she says most guys can’t tell Fendi from Forever 21, so she only advocates telling them to put it on her account if it actually looks good:

I think a lot of girls will spend $500 on a boxy dress that just isn’t flattering. I always want to look good, and I never want to look like I’m trying too hard. That’s why I almost always wear jeans on a first date: they can go either way. For this outfit, I paired jeans with a really nice top and some bolder accessories. In my opinion, you’re better off splurging on accessories, because you can carry the same bag every day and no one’s going to call you out on it. And if you’re wearing nice jeans and carrying a nice bag, a $20 top can suddenly look like a $200 top. Not that most guys are going to notice stuff like that. And if they do, I don’t necessarily want to be dating them. I also love raiding my mom’s closet—that bag is hers. You’d be surprised by what you can find in your parents’ wardrobes. Finally, I like to wear open-toed shoes on dates. I think they’re very flirty, but in a more subtle way. Anyone can wear something that shows off too much cleavage, but open-toed shoes are suggestive without being skanky. But, on the whole, I don’t think it’s worth worrying about what designer you’re wearing on a first date. If a guy’s judging you on that, do you really want to be dating him?

The Blogger

Like most bloggers, I’m almost always broke, so I don’t advocate actually spending money to put an outfit together. Instead, I always go through my closet and find new ways to wear clothes I already own.

I’m really into the Joan look from Mad Men right now because I think high-waisted skirts are pretty universally flattering. Unfortunately, I don’t own a high-wasited skirt. So I take a regular black skirt and a wide, tight-fitting, elastic belt (preferably one that doesn’t leave a loose end hanging), hike it up so that the skirt’s waist falls at the narrowest part of my midsection and secure it in place with the belt. (Sometimes I need to fold some material in around the zipper if the new placement makes the skirt hang awkwardly.) Make sure that the skirt’s waistline is completely tucked into the belt. If my I’m using a tight skirt, I take a gauzy or loose-fitting white shirt and tuck it into the skirt. And then I use the belt to make it look like skirt and shirt are one piece. If I’m using a loose skirt, I put on a tight-fitting white shirt, and, again, use the belt to make it look like one seamless dress. If you have great boobs, show a little cleavage. If you’re as flat-chested as I am, consider using the tight skirt/loose shirt option (I personally use a skin-tight long tube top from American Apparel that can kinda, sorta pass for a skirt, especially with a guy who knows nothing about clothes), and opt for a shirt with ruffles where there should be cleavage. The clearance section at a store like Marshalls or Filene’s Basement can be a surprisingly good place to find shirts for under $5 that might look hideous on their own, but don’t look so bad when only the top third peeks out from under the skirt. Add a pair of black tights—they make everyone’s legs look better, and some even come with control tops if you’re into that sort of thing. Finally, throw on a pair of heels. Yes, they’re annoying to walk in, but they also have a flattering effect. If you’re looking to blow some cash, maybe invest in a pair of stiletto ankle boots—whenever I go out, my guy friends always point them out to me. And while you’re at it, send me a pair at datethedistirct@gmail.com.

Holiday Romance for Less

One of our astute readers sent in this money-saving tip for those of you who like the paid dating sites.

This reader’s match.com account had expired, and she was trying to unsubscribe to sing up for a different website. Unsubscribing was a multistep process, and when she got to the end, they offered her the option to resubscribe for 50% off.

So if your match (or any other account) is about to expire and you do want to keep your account, it’s cheaper to pretend that you don’t, go through the process of unsubscribing, and then resubscribing at the end when you get the 50% discount.

Or, if you want to try out a site for the first time, it might be worth it to sign up for one month, try to unsubscribe at the end, and use the 50% discount to snag the 6-month subscription for less.

The Vague Date

Sometimes you make plans with a guy that require a follow-up. Maybe he says, “Let’s get dinner Thursday,” but he doesn’t specify the time or the place.

Thursday rolls around and he still hasn’t contacted you to set the locale or tell you what time. And then it’s 6 p.m. and you still haven’t heard from him.

Now you’re faced with a dilemma: if he calls you at 7 and suggests meeting up at 8, you’re going to look pretty available/fine with being dicked around if you show up. But, on the other hand, he did make plans ahead of time, and maybe you do kind of like him, so your gut is telling you to show up anyway.

One of our friends handles this by texting the guy at noon to say something like, “I’m trying to plan my night. Where/when are we meeting?” This way she avoids 7 p.m.-bind, gets a date, and escapes with her dignity intact.

The problem is that it gives the guy too much leeway. We’ve said it once and we’ll say it again: what you’re seeing at the beginning of a relationship is as good as it’s gonna get, manners-wise, so if he’s acting like a jerk in the beginning, there’s a good chance he’s not planning on 6 months from now.

At the risk of sounding like our least favorite dating book (He’s Just Not That Into You), if he wants to see you, he’ll go out of his way to solidify the plans. When you hit it off with a girl on your kickball team, you don’t invite her to your birthday dinner and then “forget” to tell her where it is. It’s the same with a guy: if he really wants to see you, you won’t be in 7-p.m.-panic mode, because he’ll have called you the night before to tell you he’ll pick you up at your place.

It’s easy to blame these problems on social incompetence. After all, we tell ourselves, guys aren’t good at this stuff.

It’s true that guys can be totally spacey, forgetful, and bad with social conventions that come much more naturally to girls. But this is rarely going to prevent them from making a first (or second, or third) date. If anything, the more “awkward” guys are going to be even more forward in the beginning.

Someone you know (possibly even you) has probably been in a serious relationship with someone who, from an outsider’s perspective, seemed a little lacking in social graces. But think about how he was at the beginning. He probably seemed weird because he was too forward, called too often, tried to make too many dates.

So if he hasn’t given you any concrete details by 7 p.m., there’s something wrong, and it doesn’t bode well for your future together.

But when he does call, you don’t want to say something like, “Well, I didn’t hear from you, so I made other plans.”

This makes it look like 1) you were waiting around for his phone call but too afraid to call him and 2) you have certain “rules,” i.e., he has to set a meeting time at least 24 hours in advance.

This isn’t what you want either—the message you’re trying to send is, “I’m too in-demand to pencil an asshole into my calendar.”

The easiest way to say this is to realize that a guy who hasn’t checked in before 7 p.m. isn’t getting the pleasure of your company that night, and he needs to make a huge gesture if he wants you to agree to a more specific date in the future.

The best way to say that is something like this, “Crap, I’m actually really tired/busy/dying to go to a yoga class—could we reschedule for another night?”

Let him propose the make-up date, and remember that it’s not your job to explain how dating works. Don’t say, “Next time, give me more of a heads up” or anything else that betrays the fact that he’s the reason you’re canceling.

If he’s smart, he’ll figure it out on his own. If he’s not, he’s not worth your time.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Lessons in Love from the Jersey Shore: Part 2

Yesterday, we talked about Snooki’s not-so-smooth moves on the MTV is-this-really-real? reality TV show Jersey Shore.

Today, we’re going to talk about Sammi, a somewhat cuter version of Snooki who gets involved with a fellow castmate, Ronnie, who’s determined “not to fall in love at the Jersey Shore.”

So isn’t it so cute/surprising that he ends up hooking up with Sammi?? It’s so meant to be, it’s almost like the producers planned it.

Anyway, so Sammi and Ronnie start hooking up, and Ronnie takes Sammi on a date, and he pays, which is how Sammi knows “it’s for real.”

But then they all get wasted and go to a club, where Ronnie (who, by the way, is the only character without a nickname) starts dancing with another girl. Sammi is obviously pissed, so she decides to flirt with a firefighter (yes, a firefighter) and give him her phone number.

This sends Ronnie storming out of the club. The two have a teary reunion a few hours later (yes, Ronnie cries), which seems to signal that this fight is a thing of the past.

When Sammi saw Ronnie grinding up on some random chick, she could have confronted him on the spot. She could have told him what an asshole he was and threatened to break up with him.

And here’s how Ronnie (probably) would have reacted: He would have accused her of making a big deal out of nothing. He would have dismissed it as “just fun.” He would have used this as an excuse to bring up things like, “Well, I’m not sure we’re ready to be exclusive.”

Ronnie did try to play down what he did in the confessional. But that wasn’t (the bulk) of what he said to Sammi. Because she showed him what it’d feel like not to be with her, he was suddenly reminded of how much he wanted to date her (remember, he cried). And so he would do anything to get her back—including apologizing for what he did and swearing he’d never do it again.

While this whole back-and-forth isn’t the healthiest way to approach a relationship, Sammi got what she wanted. And Snooki didn’t.

This isn’t to say that you can learn much about dating from watching Jersey Shore. In fact, few of their relationships (or even male-female interactions) are healthy, let alone enviable. But the show does let the audience spy on 20-something mating rituals from both sides. And a careful viewer might learn a thing or two about how to tame someone who’s just looking for sex.

Or not.

OK, we can’t believe we spent this much time analyzing Jersey Shore. Back to the real world tomorrow.

How to Get Your Ex Back Using Facebook

So you got your heart broken and you feel like your life just can`t go on. You`re too scared to go back on Facebook in fear of seeing on your newsfeed if your ex is indeed dating somebody else. Well buck up! After a recent breakup, you have only a small window of opportunity to make him or her come back to you and here are some helpful tips to help you get back the love of your life.

1. Change Your Relationship Status

As hard as it is to even fathom being single again, it is important to change your status immediately. You want to be the first person who does it and it will definitely sympathy points from your friends and unbridled attention from FB admirers. Your ex will definitely take notice of the potential bachelors and bachelorettes replying to your status change.

2. Post Envy-worthy Status Updates

It doesn`t matter if all you`re doing is sitting at home bawling while watching Notting Hill and drinking Neo-Citran in hopes of it knocking you out, you must make your ex think you are a better person without him or her. Don`t ever post updates of how you`re really feeling. Instead post updates about doing things you never did when you were together. If your ex wanted you to try yoga and you didn`t, post how you`re loving it. The trick is to make it sound as genuine as possible.

3. Chat with Friends and Sexy Admirers

Since your ex has access to your profile page, you want him or her to know you`re putting yourself out there. Leave ambiguous and flirty wall posts on people your ex was jealous of before. Online chat with your friends and plan outings on their walls. Make sure to keep your exchanges to a minimum. Make your ex wonder what you are doing when you`re not online.

4. Accept Event Invitations

It doesn`t matter if you don`t go to any, but accept as many fun event invitations you receive. You want your ex thinking you have all this free time to have fun and party.

5. Post Photos

By this point, if your ex is still very interested in you, they will be aching to contact you and that is when you unleash your coup de grace…posting sexy photos of you and your friends hanging out. Avoid clubs and choose lounges to showcase your killer new hairdo and outfit and see how long it takes for your ex to leave a comment on your photos. Even if they hit the ‘like` button, your plan is working.

By following these guidelines and by disciplining yourself from contacting your ex, you will have him or her back in your arms in no time.

Breakup Babble: Deleting His Number

Breakups always hurt.

While newly single women are almost always looking to do anything to ease the pain, they don’t always go about it in the right way.

We’re not saying you should ditch the chocolate (in fact, we firmly believe that calories don’t count when you’re readjusting to the single life), but there are a few other important steps in the healing process that most girls overlook.

The first rule applies to guys with weak thumbs (i.e., the ones who don’t text back).

These are the guys you kinda, sorta date for a few weeks, but they’re never really that responsive. They say they’re going to call, then forget. Or you send them a text, and you don’t hear back for a few days. They only contact you in the middle of the night, and they rarely (if ever) invite you to do anything that involves leaving one of your apartments.

While it is sometimes possible to tame these guys (we’ll talk more about that in a later post), it’s not always worth it. No matter how much you crank up the game, it’s hard to transition from backup to first string. And, at the end of the day, is a guy who blew you off for three months ever really going to feel like he’s worth it?

When you decide you’re ready to cut your losses, you need to stick to your guns. Like we’ve talked about before, the more you ignore someone, the more they might try to win you back.

Sometimes the guys with weak thumbs are looking for validation. They love the power trip that comes with ignoring a perfectly tempting text from a cute girl. Other times they’re just lazy. In any case, if they really didn’t like the attention, they’d flat-out tell you to leave them alone (except they’d say something like, “You seem like a really awesome girl, but there’s this girl back in New York…”).

So as you as they stop hearing from you, they’re gonna throw a little attention your way to try and get you back into the habit of sending the 8 p.m. “What are you up to?”

When a guy’s been flaky and unresponsive ever since the first night you hooked up, it’s easy to get excited when he texts you out of the blue. But you need to take his advances out of context.

If you weren’t so attracted to the way he blows you off him, would his behavior seem that remarkable? Put another way, if you two had been dating six months, would whatever he’s doing seem worthy of your time and energy?

If he sends you a heartfelt letter (along with a dozen roses) that does more than dish up some lame excuse for why he couldn’t be bothered (e.g., “I don’t have unlimited texting!”), you might want to listen to what he has to say. If he texts you at 6 p.m. and invites you to go to the movies, ignore him. If you take him back that easily, you’ll be back to the abysmal response rate two weeks later.

But don’t tell him that you’re blowing him off. Don’t send him one final text explaining that you’ve had it with him, and it’s his loss, and you were always too good for him anyway.

These hypothetical texts (or phone calls) might feel like they’d be cathartic or empowering, but they won’t be.

Best case scenario: he won’t respond. And then you’ll feel like an idiot, because you showed him how much you cared, and he was so nonplussed that he wasn’t even stirred to respond.

Worst case scenario: he’ll throw back some insults that’ll take your best friends weeks of round-the-clock therapy to undo.

The hardest part of parting ways with a weak-thumbed man is forcing yourself not to communicate with him at all. While your intentions and willpower might be unbreakable after an afternoon bolt-of-lighting realization, it’s easy to second guess yourself after your third beer at happy hour. It’s easy to convince yourself that it’d be a good idea to send one more text—just to see what happens.

And, like we said before, he might respond. And you might be more likely to give that response more weight than it deserves.

Or he might ignore you. And then you’ll have to add one more point to his score, and take one step back on the path to getting over him.

So how can you avoid all of these pitfalls?

Delete his number.

That’s right: remove any trace of his existence from your phone. Delete old texts, e-mails, and any other traces of his contact info that might tempt you to get back in touch with him.

If you don’t have his number, you can’t drunk dial him.

And if he tries to contact you, the few minutes it takes you to figure out who that number belongs to will remind you why you deleted his number. And it’ll be easier to take everything he says with a grain of salt.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Sexual Ambiguity

We’ve all been at a bar, flirting with a guy, everything’s going really well… and then he asks if your boots are from JCrew.

You think, Maybe he used to work there, and you let it slide… until he tells you he’s planning on going to SATC 2 on opening night.

But earlier in the night, he was talking about football. And he just bought you two rounds of rum and diets. Sooo… you’re a little confused. And you don’t want to waste the night flirting with a guy who doesn’t swing that way. Is there a polite way to ask which gender he prefers?

In general, we don’t think it’s the best idea. Asking about someone’s sexuality is as personal as asking how often they have sex. And so most of the time you have to suck it up and enjoy the conversation on face value—even you go home alone at the end of the night.

But if you’re the right kind of person (e.g., confident, self-assured), our bisexual friend suggested saying, “So, do you date guys or girls?”

That question doesn’t force the person to identify his sexuality or put labels on anything. It’s a low-pressure question, and if he balks, you can say something like, “I never like to assume anything.”

Role-Playing 102

Yesterday, we talked about why and how you should add role-playing to your sexual repertoire.

But it can be hard, at first, to come up with scenarios that don’t include the phrase, “I’m here to fix the cable.”

It’s really only a matter of advanced planning. If you decide you want to role-play, come up with a few scenarios ahead of time (e.g., doctor’s office, student-on-professor) in case your first pick isn’t doing it for your partner.

In general, different things work for different people. If you want to reenact the Battle of Gettysburg, try it. If it’s not working, you can always just start having plain-vanilla sex.

But we would like to talk about two scenarios that seem to be very popular among women: virginity and rape.

Rape is serious. It’s a crime, and it’s wrong, and it’s a traumatizing, soul-shattering experience.

But human sexuality isn’t always as black and white as morality, and that gray zone leaves room for a lot of sexual fantasies people wouldn’t want to explore in real life.

A surprisingly large number of women have some combination of curiosity and fantasy when it comes to rape, and if you’re one of them, don’t beat yourself up about it. A rape fantasy is just that—fantasy, and when it’s in your mind it can still feel safe enough to romanticize.

If this is something you want to act out, you don’t have to feel guilty about it, but you definitely need to plan.

Simply put: if your role-play involves rape, you have to talk to your partner about it ahead of time. You need to have a safety word that has nothing to do with sex, because with this kind of role-play, stop doesn’t really mean no.

Make sure that you trust your partner and trust yourself—if it starts feeling wrong or upsetting, don’t be afraid to call it off. Above all, make sure you feel safe.

Don’t feel pressured to try this one out if you’re not comfortable—if your partner brings it up and you’re not having it, don’t be afraid to say so (and if your partner brings up a rape fantasy without realizing that it might make you uncomfortable, you might want to reevaluate your relationship).

The second scenario is decidedly less controversial, but it’s equally as prevalent and feels almost as taboo. Virgin and rape fantasies probably both stem from a desire to feel dominated, but, again, if you want to pretend that someone’s loosing his/her virginity, you should definitely talk about it ahead of time. Come up with a safety word and make sure he knows it’s coming—this definitely has the potential to get strange if one party isn’t prepared.

The virgin fantasy can also be a great set of training wheels for a couple just starting to experiment with role-playing. It allows the women to assume an innocent, submissive persona that might feel much more natural to someone who’s not used to trying new things in the bedroom. It’s also somewhat familiar territory—if you’re having sex, you had to have lost your virginity at some point along the way.

The key to role-playing is to step outside of yourself. You might feel embarrassed telling your boyfriend that he’s been a naughty boy, but the camp counselor/nun/whatever doesn’t. And that’s the thing about role-playing: it’s not you saying or doing these things.

That gives you the freedom to go a little crazy, and that inhibition usually pays off. 

Adult sex dating sites

As many good dating sites as there are out there, single men and women can avail themselves of just adult sex dating sites these days. Strictly set-up for people to meet off line and fuck, these sites require the same type of membership fees and attention to profiles and modes of communication as does any other social forum, but it all happens quicker with an eye on sex.

In some ways seeking looking for a soul mate on those benign dating sites are also looking for sex. It`s nice to go on and make-believe that matching profiles is what you`re after, finding love at first site maybe, dating for some sort of future potential but in the end two people coming together come together with the hope of getting intimate.

For all the blatant gonzo porn sites out there, why shouldn`t there be sites created with the strict and only purpose of two people meeting to get laid?
In this day and age it is a wonder that any one of us could even take the time to log-on, let alone surf for a potential match. More and more of us are only going on-line these days to find an image, some downloadable porn.

For men and women checking an adult sex dating portals, they do so knowing exactly what they are getting, can cut down on all the worry of a perfect exact match and simply hope for someone with a modicum of attractiveness and some good hygiene.

It`s really just biology. It`s really just answering a need. It`s really just about fulfilling a purpose for both ourselves and someone who is looking to fulfill the same purpose.

Holiday Dating

One of our friends is going on a holiday dating hiatus. She’s locked her OK Cupid account until New Year’s and she’s postponing dates until after the ball drops.

When she first mentioned this to us, we were skeptical. It seemed arbitrary, and arbitrary rules are never the best way to make the most of a dating scene.

But then she explained her rationale. Holidays come with certain expectations for couples: awkward office parties, gift exchanges, dinner with his family. It’s tricky enough when you’ve been dating for a while, but when you’re still in the getting to know you stages, it can put a lot of pressure on both people (and the relationship).

Should he invite you to the holiday party? And if he does, how will he introduce you to his boss? Does he need to buy you a present? Are you going to buy him one? If he brings you home, will his mom get off his case? Will it freak you out if he asks?

If you meet a great guy at your friend’s ugly Christmas sweat party, we’re not saying you should tell him to call you after New Year’s.

But, if you’re like most people, this is probably the busiest time of your year. So if he calls you for a second date and you have to finish shopping, don’t be afraid to say so.

Don’t feel like you need to squeeze in too many first dates with a new person. If you space out your dates, there won’t be any ambiguity. He won’t show up with a gift, and you won’t obsess over what you need to get him.   

Friday, June 22, 2012

How Not To Fall For A Plenty of Fish Fake Profile

When trying to attract a member of the opposite sex online, it is important to know who you are really having online chat conversations with. It`s sad to say, but lots of singles are falling for dating and romantic scams and it`s breaking egos and hearts all around the world.

For instance, one of the most scammed social media sites is Plenty of Fish. According to an online research study, up to 50 percent of the female profiles on that site are completely fake and most likely created by the administrators of the website itself.

Here are some tips to help you stop befriending fake people online immediately.

1. Pay Attention To Profiles Ending in Numbers

A number of the fake female profiles on Plenty of Fish have profile names ending in a birthday number or area code. They mostly all use lower case letters and are riddled with commas. If you see these profiles, delete them immediately.

2. Beware of Modelling Profile Pics

Stay away from obviously photo-shopped profile pictures with absolutely no information under their interests, hobbies and age group sections. They are most likely spammers ready to be added to your list and ready to spam the hell out of your computer.

3. Stay Away From Profiles Littered With Advertisements

Sometimes fake profiles actually are full of certain details–but never of the person you are interested in dating. If you are looking on a profile and notice their personal details are all about promoting a certain product or service, then chances are you are trying to add a poseur and a spammer.

A lot of these tips are common sense, but you would be surprised how many singles fall victim to adding fake profiles everyday. Be cautious and pay attention to details and you will be fine.

News Roundup: Why Do Smart Women Have the Toughest Time Dating

The other day, a reader sent us this Huffington Post article: Why Do Smart Women Have the Toughest Time Dating.

It’s a good read, especially for the overly ambitious DC types, but the author leaves out one important trap smart women sometimes fall into the dating world: faking dumb.

It goes something like this: a woman thinks that men are more attracted to dumb bimbos, or she’s worried about scaring off a date with a less impressive resume, so she puts on this fake ditzy persona every time she goes out with a guy.

Why do women do this? Because they always see their attractive, successful male coworkers show up to the holiday party with Bambi, the personal trainer.

And while a lot of guys do date women who are more attractive than they are intelligent, when smart women get frustrated and decide it’s time to be more like the hot, dumb women who get ass, the smart women pick the wrong trait to emulate.

Guys like these women because they’re hot, not because they’re dumb. The unintelligence is the (minor) downside, it’s not the thing they’re attracted to.

Faking dumb isn’t going to attract a man. That’s like a guy watching Twilight and thinking it’s the fangs that make Robert Pattinson so irresistible to women.

What’s worse, faking dumb could hurt your chances of a relationship.

Remember, for a lot of guys, relationships and sex are two different things. The former requires putting in work, the latter delivers pleasure in its purest form.

When a guy wants sex, all he needs is a vagina. But when he wants a relationship, he needs a little bit more.

So if you pretend to have less, you’re not going to fall into the “relationship” category. Why would he invest time and energy in someone who can’t hold an intelligent conversation?

Zen and the Art of Pubic Hair Maintenance

We’ve talked about this before, and there’s no right answer to the shave or not to shave conundrum.

1) The close trim. Some girls see this as a lower-maintenance alternative to the hygienic feeling you get from shaving (or waxing) it all off. And while the look (and feel) might great for you, it’s kind of like a guy’s third- or fourth-day stubble. When you nuzzle your boyfriend’s face on a Sunday, it’s kind of itchy, right? Same thing goes for this particular pubic haircut: it irritates the guy’s skin.

A full bush is more of a soft cushion for a guy’s pelvis to land on. A waxed pubic region is like sliding in your socks on a newly polished floor. But the in-between? It’s like the rug-burn you get from slide tackling on Astroturf.

If you don’t want the hassle of maintaining a prepubescent nether-region, or if you prefer to leave some hair down there, you’re better off keeping some areas completely bare, and where there’s hair, keep it long.

2) Shaving it all off and neglecting the labia. Yes, it’s scary to take a razor to the inside of your vagina. But when a guy thinks he’s getting porn-star smooth and he opens the package to find a few errant hairs, it’s the same feeling you get when you ask for an iPod and your parents give you an off-brand mp3 player.

Besides, these are the most troublesome hairs to deal with. Blowjobs would be even worse if a guy’s pubic hair was on his shaft rather than scattered around the base. 

If you’re going to let the forest run wild, don’t worry about the hairs inside. But if you’re going to shave it all off, that means removing everything. Everything.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Anatomy of a One-Night Stand

The other day, a guy friend of ours asked us to help him “slay” a girl he described as “really annoying, but she kind of has big boobs.”

We, of course, refused, but we asked him why he was so interested in this particular girl when he could probably find countless other women equally well endowed with (at least marginally) less abrasive personalities.

No, no, he explained, her annoyingness was the allure; the boobs were just an added bonus.

We loosened him up with a round of drinks and got him to elaborate, and we happened upon some pretty misogynistic sexual desires. Our friend prefers to have one-night stands with women he can’t stand for a litany of reasons, mainly because 1) he gets a Gob Bluth-esque satisfaction out of saying, “I f*cked that,” 2) he feels sexually liberated—he can try whatever he wants with her because he never liked/respected her to begin with, and 3) he never has to feel guilty about blowing her off because he dislikes her anyway.

We were about to get judgmental, but then we realized that few people have the purest intentions when it comes to one-night stands.

One-night stands rarely translate into great sex. Everyone has different sexual idiosyncrasies, which means sex with a new person often starts out awkwardly—especially for women, who often have a harder time orgasming to begin with.

So if we’re not doing it for pleasure, why are we doing it?

Women often receive validation from feeling sexually desired—if a guy wants to bone them, they feel better about themselves. Some women also seek men with money, power, and popularity for sexual flings because they like being able to tell their friends that they “f*cked that.”

None of this is unhealthy, per se, but it is good to think about. We’re not saying you should evaluate your motivations when it’s last call at Heaven and Hell and you’re ovulating, but it’s not a bad idea to think about why you have one-night stands in general.

If you are doing it for validation and self-worth, it might be a good idea to seek these things elsewhere.

The fact of the matter is, sex doesn’t make you more beautiful or powerful or popular. Sex is supposed to provide sexual pleasure (and, technically, babies), and the more you get off, the easier it is to feel sexually satisfied at the end.

But the more you try and make sex into something else (i.e., a self-esteem boost), the more you lose the ability to enjoy the pleasurable physical sensations.

If you have the wrong attitude, one-night stands can leave you feeling frustrated and wanting something more. You went into it wanting to feel better about yourself, and you’re left feeling hot and bothered with no orgasm to speak of.

The Art of Meeting Men

Ah, the 80s.

The decade where picking up men was as easy as channeling a 300 pound linebacker in a neon paisley sports jacket (that was a joke about shoulder pads, feel free to laugh).

A reader sent us a Youtube video taken from an 80s self-help movie by a dating coach in a floor-length dress that leaves everything to the imagination.

The outfits might be dated, but the advice withstands the test of time.

For example, if you have trouble meeting men, our data guru suggests carrying around, “a book with an unusual title, a small stuff animal [because nothing turns men on more than women who’ve regressed back to age 4], interesting pieces of jewelry [here she touches her own bland costume pearls], a pet, a sports jersey, a sports magazine, or a t-shirt with a slogan [unclear if you’re supposed to wear the t-shirt or just carry it around].”

A female sidekick with a lesbian vibe comes on to stress the importance of letting a man know that you’re interested. In the opening clip, woman A sits on a bench under a sign pointing people to a Subway (she’s in the city—get it??) with her legs crossed. An overweight man in an argyle sweater approaches the woman and thinks to himself, “Mm! Attractive woman. Just my type.” But then he sees her crossed legs and changes his mind. His interior monologue continues, “She sure looks like a b---” but then he stops himself because Reagan is watching!! “I don’t need that,” he concludes before storming away.

But after hearing the butch guru’s advice, woman A gets a second chance to make things right. She rubs her thighs and thinks, “What do I have to loose at this point? A rerun of Dallas [haha! Because Dallas was still on the air then!] and a pint of ice cream?”

She sits down next to the man (in a new outfit!) with a newspaper and asks, “Is there any good news today?” He tells her that there isn’t, and both sides throw down their newspapers and fall in love/plan to go into business together to start a newspaper that only tells good news (love and an entrepreneurial spirit—aww!!).

Other highlights include our blonde (and possibly Muslim) guru suggesting that you intentionally spill a drink on a man and get his number so that you can pay for his dry cleaning later. “But avoid spilling red wine!” she cautions. “You don’t want him to remember you for the wrong reasons.”

And an angry male guru clad in plaid explaining that men can be very shy. “Research show that 40 percent of men suffer from shyness,” he explains. “And 80 percent of men have been shy at one point in their lives.”

We’ve basically spoiled everything, but it’s still worth watching (and it’s only 3 minutes long).

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A Second Word of Advice

Last week, we talked about the dangers of asking your friends for certain advice.

But an even more dangerous source of misinformation can often seem deceptively reliable: your new guy’s girl (space) friends.

When you meet a guy’s girl friend, it’s easy to bond over the fact that you both have breasts and vaginas. And, since most guys have more guy friends than girl friends, his girl friend’s estrogen might provide a much-need break from the usual night out with his friends (e.g., Testosterone Fest 2010).

You might really hit it off with one of his girl friends. And after a few nights of xx-chromosome bonding while you’re playing s.o., she might seem like the perfect person to tell you what’s really going on with him. After all, she’s known him longer, and she probably has some good insight.

The problem is that his friends’ loyalties almost always lie with him. You’re his plus-one first, their friend second.

If you and your guy called it quits tomorrow, chances are, you won’t get an invite to his best friend’s holiday party.

It might seem like those rules shouldn’t apply when his friend shares your gender. But it’s better to assume that they do, especially at first.

Girls tend to be good at socializing. They can be super sweet and make great conversation, even when they don’t really like the person they’re talking to.

That doesn’t mean that all of his girl friends are two-faced bitches. But it does mean that shouldn’t be too quick to assume that she wants to play relationship doctor.

You never know what she’s going to repeat to her friend/your boyfriend. You share some of your insecurities about the relationship (“I mean, he invites me out with his friends, like, all the time, but he never takes me out on dates, and sometimes he forgets to call…”), hoping that she’ll reassure you. And she might do that to your face (“Oh yeah, he’s sooo into you”), but then later share that conversation with the one person you wouldn’t want to find out (i.e., your guy).

Or she might genuinely be misinformed. You might ask her something like, “So, is he trying to date me? Or does he just, like, keep things casual?” Even if this girl seems really close with your boyfriend, she wouldn’t necessarily have access to this information. They might have heart-to-hearts all the time, but guys aren’t always the best at sharing feelings, especially if they’re unsure of where you stand. Or they might never talk about relationships, in which case, her guess is as good as yours. Maybe he wasn’t so into the last girl he dated, and maybe he’s said some things in the past that make her think that he’s looking the play the field. That doesn’t mean he feels the same way about you. In any case, you have no way of knowing whether her take on the situation is right.

And let’s not forget the worst-case scenario: she could be into this guy. Girls fall for their guy friends all the time—even when they’re in committed relationships—and, if you’re dealing with a friend with a crush, she’s probably not going to have your best interests at heart.

The bottom line is: you never know. So why risk it when you can’t trust her opinion any more than anyone else’s?

The Hardest Ways To Get A One Night Stand

Sometimes we just want to have some no strings attached sex, and a lot of times, women feel the exact same way. So, the question remains, why is it so damn hard to hook up? Maybe it’s because you’re looking in the wrong places.

Sports Bars: You figure that it’s a bar, not a club, so the people are more laid back and relaxed. The girls are probably more open to casual hook ups and you feel comfortable there so it should be easy. In reality, bars are the toughest places to pick up ladies for a one night stand because:

• Her friends are there watching her. They’ll judge her if she goes home with a guy.
• Other people see her there every week and if she goes home with you, she’ll seem like a slut.
• She probably just wants to hang out and grab a drunk with a few friends, not get approached by some horny stranger.

So, if you want to meet a girl at a bar, you’ve got your work cut out for you. Approach her with friendly energy, like you already know her. Jump right into the conversation and talk to her and her friends before you pull her away.

Dance clubs: You figure the only reason a woman would get dressed up like that and get drunk is if she wanted to meet guys. However, some girls actually go to clubs to dance with their friends and those ladies don’t want to be bothered. However, there is an obstacle you didn’t predict:

• The club scene has its own rules and if you’re not in it, you will stick out like a sore thumb.
• The hottest women in the clubs are all in the club scene and know all of the important people. If you aren’t in the scene, she can’t go home with you. Its negative points to her credibility in the scene.

Meeting women online: You figure that a lot of women don’t like bars and clubs and that there must be plenty of chicks online. However, it’s tough as hell to meet women because:

• Women are bombarded with messages.
• Imagine every time you logged into an internet dating site and there were 30 messages waiting for you; you would be self absorbed.
• These women are itching for a man to commit to a long and steady relationship before she has sex with him.

The Girl's Guide to Getting Off: In Bed

Coming is easier for guys.

It’s not fair, but it’s true. It probably has something to do with social constructs: the fact that it’s more socially acceptable for guys to jerk off and to start masturbating at a younger age. It might also have something to do with the fact that a male orgasm is necessary from an evolutionary standpoint. A woman doesn’t have to come to make a baby. A guy does.

It often takes women longer to learn how to have an orgasm. And when they do finally figure out what gets them off, they can’t always climax during coitus.

Some girls expect to orgasm the first time they have sex. And some do, but, for the rest of us, it doesn’t come that easily.

Maybe you’ve never had an orgasm before. Maybe you can only have one when it’s just you and your vibrator. Maybe you only come when a guy goes down on you. And maybe you come from just thinking about sex and have no idea what we’re talking about.

The fact is (and we know you’ve heard this a million times), it’s all normal. Orgasming is much more of a (for lack of a better word) skill that takes some women longer to learn.

And it really is something you have to teach yourself how to do. There’s no magic do-this-and-you-will-orgasm-every-time technique. It takes a lot of experimenting to find a way to reach climax with a partner. And it takes even more work to orgasm from plain vanilla penis-in-vagina sex.

Why do we bring this up? Because the more we talk to women about sex, the more we realize that there are a lot of post-pubescent women who’ve never even had an orgasm. Or they’re not sure if they have. Or they want to have them more regularly, or from sex, or on their own.

This is something that’s not always easy to talk about with friends. And it’s not something that’s easily cured by masturbation, no matter how many virgin sex columnists write their first column about how “outraged” they are that female masturbation is such a taboo subject, and the fact that they masturbate all the time (and are in fact probably masturbating to their own perceived profundity while writing said clichéd column), and how every girl’s sexual problems would all be solved if she simply had the courage to introduce herself to everyone she met by saying, “Hi, I’m Jane, and don’t worry about shaking my hand, because I always wash them after my frequent masturbation sessions.”

If that gets you off, great. But if it doesn’t, and you’re looking for ways to amp up your orgasms, read on. We’re going to talk a lot about orgasms a lot in the upcoming weeks, but today, we’re going to talk about girls who know how to orgasm but have trouble climaxing from intercourse alone.

First, figure out what does get you off. What’s the quickest, easiest way for you to come? Whatever that is, try to incorporate it into intercourse.

Maybe your nipples are the key to peak arousal. Maybe you get off when a guy strokes your inner thighs. Either stimulate those areas yourself during sex, or ask your partner to do it for you.

This is where some girls start to feel shy. They think a guy will be turned off if he finds out that they have foot fetishes or like getting a finger in their back doors.

But here’s what they don’t know: guys love it when their partners get off.

For guys, orgasms are a pretty regular occurrence. Most guys that we know jerk off at least a few times a week, some do it daily. They pretty much have a routine down and can get off fast. And while the sensation might be different in a mouth or a vagina, at the end of the day, an orgasm is an orgasm.

So why are guys obsessed with sex? For them, it’s less about the orgasm, which they can get whenever they want, and more about the other things that come with sex: namely, getting to see a real live naked girl, and feeling sexually desired.

Guys can’t make themselves feel sexually desired with their hands. And that’s why the love it when girls are really into doing them, because it’s the one part of sex you really can’t fake. Every guy wants to feel like he’s amazing in bed, and the louder you are, the more he can believe he’s a sex god.

So if you know something that’ll work for you, don’t be shy. Don’t say, “Um, so, I was wondering if you could, like, finger me while we’re doing it.” Instead, provide clear directions, and say something like, “You know, if you rub my clit while I’m fucking you, it’ll really make me scream.”

Of course, some of these conversations will feel more natural if you wait till you’re in the middle of the act. You’re both hot and bothered, your inhibitions are lowered, and most guys get turned on when women are assertive in bed.

But if you don’t know what works for you, here’s a hint: clitoral stimulation.

For most girls, the clitoris is the shortest path to orgasm. The problem is, standard positions (like missionary, girl on top, reverse cowgirl, etc.) usually don’t do anything for this sexual organ.

If you can find a way to stimulate your clitoris during penetration, you have a better chance of having an orgasm.

Women’s magazines always ntell you that if you rub your clitoris during sex, you’ll come. That works for some people, but it’s not a guarantee.

Here’s a trick one of our friends taught us: if you get on top and lean really far forward (so that you’re almost lying on top of your partner), you can rub your clitoris up against his penis as you’re moving up and down the shaft. It takes some positioning, and you may have to hold the lips of your vagina apart to make sure you’re getting full contact, but once you’re set up, the sensation is similar to what you’d feel if you were grinding up against him in a naked make-out (only more intense).

We’ll share a few more easy-to-orgasm positions later this week. But let us know if this one works for you at datethedistrict@gmail.com.

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    • Sex Tip of the Day: Mirrors
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