One of your posts talked about texting... OK, I get that you don’t ever want to look desperate. But how do you let a guy know you’re interested? Sometimes he asks for your number and then never calls, and sometimes I think it might be because I didn’t seem interested enough at the bar. So what’s wrong with texting him to clear the air?
Anonymous
Well, anonymous, the answer to your question is simple: never let a guy know that you’re interested. If a guy’s not calling you, it’s not because he’s worried that you’ll shoot him down. The lack of interest is on his part, not yours.
I don’t buy the whole He’s-Just-Not-That-Into-You craze, the book that your best friends were all telling you you had to read five years ago that turned into a movie that is single-handedly responsible for my desire to punch Ginnifer Goodwin in the face (seriously, WTF was she doing in a chick flick?).
Realizing that a guy doesn’t like you is painful, not liberating, and my problem with the He’s Just Not That Into You franchise is that it encourages girls to act like psycho bitches (i.e., leaving a guy five messages in a row and then validating that behavior by saying, “Well, if he doesn’t like me, it’s his loss!”).
Most of the time, if you try to show a guy that you’re into him, he’s not gonna be that into you.
It works that way for girls too. I went to a happy hour with some friends recently, and two of my friends (let’s call them Kate and Angela) started talking to two guys. The guy Kate was talking to was really cute, and Angela’s guy… was not. They all exchanged numbers at the end of the night. Kate’s guy called her the next day and asked her to go out the following night. On their date, he kept telling her how happy he was to have met her. He texted her three times that night, and Kate never responded. She said she never felt a spark.
Angela, on the other hand, didn’t hear for her guy for almost a week. And she noticed. Even though she claimed she wasn’t interested, she was worried that he’d rejected her. And that made her care.
Like we talked about last week, when you know someone’s interested in you, that person becomes less exciting, less appealing. It’s the unknowns that really get inside your head.
It’s the same way for guys. So even though a guy might respond to a 3 a.m. booty call text, he’s not gonna stick around for breakfast the next morning. He’ll continue to hook up with you for as long as it’s convenient, but when you ask him to come to your office holiday party, he’ll conveniently be out of town, and you’ll probably stop hearing from him for a while.
If you want to go out of your way to let a guy know you’re interested, he’ll get the message. But that will just make it hurt even more when you realize he’s not.