But for the rest of you, Rollin Cycles is a bike shop in the front, “adult emporium” in the back: kind of like a mullet, but classier.
And they’re moving! (Two doors down.) Apparently the staff lacked the upper body strength to drag boxes of porn down the street, so they’re selling off some of their DVDs for cheap: as in, $1-$5.
Get ‘em while you can!
1320 14th Street NW
202.351.9410
You asked me if I needed some help as I was standing in the store. I told you I was there to pick up my contacts. When you gave them to me, I indicated that I wanted the 2 week contacts and not the monthly ones. You insisted that I have you reorder another 3 pairs for me. I finally accepted after some persuasion from you.
Just wanted to let you know that I could have stayed lost in your eyes forever...If you read this and recall the moment, do please respond.
Today, we’re going to talk about another trick we all learned in Psych 101: asking someone for a favor.
When someone agrees to do you a favor, that person thinks more highly of you. According to psych professors, when you help someone out, your unconscious mind things, “Oh, I must like this guy. Otherwise, why would I agree to do something for him?”
This isn’t to say that you should run out and demand that the next cute guy you meet buy you a sandwich. But it does mean that if you’re stuck in the kindasorta friend stage with a guy you kindasorta know, it might not be a bad idea to (politely) ask him if he wouldn’t mind helping you hail a cab.
Unfortunately, this sort of infidelity happens every hour of every day and it`s easy to fall for someone new when social media is involved. There are over 800 million users on Facebook and many of them have to ask themselves if they are going too far when re-connecting with an old flame or getting to know a cute co-worker in the office online.
Your current relationship may be at risk when you confirm an ex on Facebook or allow someone back into your life who you shouldn`t be talking to again. It`s easy to convince yourself that your forbidden online connection is your ultimate dating soulmate, however is your cyber relationship real or simply something you just created in your head?
Cyber relationships are difficult to define. It`s easy to think you have a connection with someone who pays attention to you and who always chats with you when they are online. The most important thing is there are no complications in your relationship online.
Unfortunately, social media allows everybody the ability to make up who they really are. It`s easier to hide behind a computer screen. There is no real intimacy or true connection. If you believe in this fantasy cyber romance, you may risk your current relationship for something that is not right for you in the long run.
So think before you add an old flame or connect with someone you are slightly attracted to. It can cause many unneeded problems in your love life.
She probably doesn’t think about it on a daily basis, but if you asked her to recall her number of sexual partners, she probably wouldn’t have to count.
(Sidenote: Keeping track of your stats is a practice we find to be, at best, a waste of time, and, at worst, detrimental, but we’ll save that for another post.)
But you knowing your number is one thing. You sharing that number with a partner is an entirely different animal that’s best avoided all together.
Nothing good can come of sharing your number with a potential (or actual) partner. If it’s not too high, it’ll be too low.
Most girls understand this intellectually, but when a guy pops the question, they feel the need to be honest.
Your response kind of depends on where you in the relationship, but you should never feel obligated to answer this question.
Why? It’s none of his business. Your boyfriend (or fwb) has the right to ask about STDs. But that’s as much history as he needs to know.
As soon as he knows the number, it’s going to open a can of worms that has the potential to ruin whatever you’ve got going on.
Most numbers are going to seem too high. He might start wondering about past lovers or feeling insecure. He might be turned off by the amount of experience (literally) under your belt.
But lying is not the solution. If you guys had sex on your second date and you try to tell him he’s the third person you’ve ever slept with, he’s either going to get really freaked out or wonder if you’re telling the truth.
Let’s say you waited and think you could get away with passing your number off as five. Five might not seem like a lot, but as soon as your past becomes concrete, it becomes ugly and intimidating. It’s like finding out why your parents filed for divorce: you think the answer will ease the pain, but it usually only makes things worse.
Most guys have an ideal number in their heads that they’d like to imagine you’re comparing them to. As long as your guy doesn’t know the truth, he’s free to imagine that number.
So if you’ve just started seeing a guy and he asks you about your batting average, laugh it off and say something like, “Five hundred.” If he persists, hold your ground. Tell him that there’s no point in revisiting the past because there’s a reason you’re not dating your old flames.
If you’ve been together for a while when he asks, be honest. Tell him that you think this kind of information has a lot of potential to hurt a relationship and zero chances of making things better. Explain that the past is the past, and you don’t want to talk about things you’ve already decided weren’t worth carrying on.
Sure, it`s exciting to be attracted to a busy person who is driven and successful. However, after time, their flakiness can get the better of you and you can become very irritated over time. As easy as it would be, you can`t have a relationship solely in the online dating world. How can you tell if your crush will ever make time for you? It`s quite simple actually.
The reality is everybody is busy but if someone likes you, they will put in the EFFORT to see you. One can say the amount of effort put in is an attraction measurement tool. The more someone likes you, the more effort they will put it in. Plain and simple.
So is BBM this person`s only form of communication with you? Have they cancelled three or more times and have not once attempted to make new plans with you? Then stop contacting them immediately! If they really are into you, they will contact you first. Wait three to five days and if you haven`t heard from them, pretend they don`t exist.
Remember your time is valuable. Never waste it on somebody who doesn`t respect it.
It’s really frustrating to feel like you’ve finally found someone with when it seems like there’s nothing you can do about it.
But it helps if you treat this guy, not as a potential love interest, but as a girl that you’re dying to be friends with.
When your friend introduces you to her cool roommate form college who also secretly buys Chuck Klosterman’s latest book the day it comes out and then lies about it to all of her friends, you don’t try to make out with her.
You try to solicit her friendship, but you’re not desperate about it.
You need to do the same thing with this guy.
We’re not talking about the guy you make eyes with at the gym, or the guy that you see on the Metro in the morning but have no way of casually approaching.
But you have an in with the guy in your office who always makes you laugh or the friend of a friend that you sometimes see at bars.
To take things to the next level, you need to start seeing him more frequently. And for that, you need good plans and (in honor of vaginas finally being allowed on submarines) a Navigator.
First, you need to come up with legitimately fun plans. A new (and inexpensive) twist on drinking (think brewery tour) always attracts guys. Shows with bands you can dance to and still have fun even if you don’t know the music (e.g., Girl Talk, other mashup/electro groups that Baltimore discovered three years ago and now shun for being too mainstream) can be fun. If he seems more artsy/hipster, browse the City Paper for an uber underground film screening (cough The Room cough), or ask the nearest person wearing Converse and/or an ironic T-shirt for some recommendations.
Happy hours and bar hopping do not count as “cool” plans (unless the bars are totally new and underground and/or The Black Cat) and should be used as a last resort only. Museums, movies, and restaurants should be avoided at all costs (too date-ish, too awkward).
Then you need to find someone who can invite this guy for you—the Navigator. Ideally, the Navigator should have a boyfriend/be a guy/be otherwise unavailable so she can unabashedly invite this guy places and not look like she’s coming on to him. (Coworkers/friends who tangentially know this guy are ideal.)
The Navigator should make the plans and invite the guy along. He shows up, you’re there, fireworks ensue.
If you don’t have a Navigator, don’t worry. You can still invite this guy, but make it seem like you’re approaching him as a friend.
Invite him (and a group of girls AND guys) via Facebook message or e-mail so it doesn’t seem like you’re trying to make one-on-one plans.
Bring it up with him the next time you run into him. But stress the group element. Maybe throw in something about just moving to this city.
Above all, make sure you don’t come off as too eager/aggressive. As with everything in dating, you want to play hard to get.
But the guy’s so removed from your daily life that you don’t have the option of showing him your best game, sometimes you have to make the first move.
Just make sure it’s not obvious that you are, in fact, asking him out.
I was eating my lunch in my cruiser by the stadium. You flagged me down about a woman smacking her kids as she drove. She made it through the light & you were not sure what kind of car she drove. Honestly, I could barely pay attention to what you were saying. Your eyes were captivating and as an officer, I had never felt more like a victim…..of your beauty. If I call 911, will you rescue me?
In our opinion, it doesn’t exist. And here’s why:
From about the age of 0, girls start hearing the same message. They watch Disney movies, and later sit coms and chick flicks, they read “young adult” books, and later romance novels, and they all say the same thing: a woman’s goal in life should be to find the most handsome, charming, and desirable man she can, and the best way to snag him is to “fall in love” with him.
But it doesn’t work like that. If a guy thinks you’re in love with him before you’ve even gone on a first date, it’s going to scare him off.
Furthermore, these messages encourage women to base a lot of their own self-worth on their marital status and/or partner. Single? There must be something wrong with you! Do other girls think your boyfriend is kind of awkward and not that cute? They must think the same thing about you too!
Your love life (or lack thereof) becomes your primary focus. That’s not to say you can’t hold down a job or keep up some semblance of a personal life. But, when push comes to shove, this idea of “love” is the ultimate pursuit. Worth leaving your job for, worth transferring to a different city, worth putting everything on the line.
The truth is, life probably is easier and more enjoyable when you have a partner to share it with. But “love” does not a successful relationship make. Things like trust, mutual interests, and shared values will take you a lot further than lust that feels like something more.
And so our society sets women up to want a partner more than anything else, but doesn’t give them the tools to find one.
Guys, for whatever reason, seem to instinctively understand how to play games. They don’t return calls, they keep you guessing, and they seem less interested in couplehood to begin with.
Girls, on the other hand, watch a women on TV turn down Stanford to follow her crush to NYU and end up getting the guy after she confesses all this to him.
In the real world, this would be a major turnoff. But no one ever explains this to us.
So women are set up to want a partner more than (almost) anything else. But they’re also conditioned to behave in ways that would send most potential matches running in the opposite direction.
This doesn’t mean that women are doomed, but it does mean we have to work harder to overcome the urge to call him when he’s not responding.
And above all, it means women need to be more savvy about the dos and don’ts of dating. And it means we sometimes need to show each other the way—for example, by not encouraging our friends to drunk-text guys they want to date.
It’s not enough to tell yourself that things never work the way they do on TV and in the movies. You have to understand why they don’t work that way, and what does work in “real” life.
When you’re not quite sure if you’re together and even less certain that he’s the one, it’s tempting to see what else is out there.
But there’s a fine line between keeping an eye out and cheating—you don’t even necessarily have to kiss someone to betray your partner. We’re not going to spell it out, because sometimes you can have drunken makeouts that do less damage than a heart-to-heart.
The problem with cheating is not less that it hurts your partner, and more that it’s bad for you.
The difference between a cheater and someone who’s just found someone else, especially at our age, is that the cheater often still cares about the boyfriend she dicks over. If she were really just bored and ready to move on, she’d break things off, but she doesn’t, because she’s not.
This creates a situation where the cheater is consistently lying to one of the people in her life that she cares about the most. And this is going to fuck with you more in the long run.
When your closest relationships are mired by lies and deception, they start to be less fulfilling for you. You hate yourself for what you’re doing, the other person has no idea, and it just spirals downwards.
But cheating is often so easy to justify. You blame it on the other person’s busy work schedule, his snoring, whatever. It’s never about you.
But if you stop to think about it, you’re probably cheating to fill a void you feel your relationship. Maybe you feel like he’s not paying attention to you. Or you’re worried he won’t stick around and you feel like you’re hedging your bets.
It’s important to evaluate these concerns. Is he really neglecting you to the point that you always feel shitty? Or are your expectations unrealistic in light of a 60-hour workweek? Do you two seem to be drifting apart? Is the relationship salvageable?
Once you’ve figured it out, it’s time to take action. We’re not saying you should tell him, or even sit down and have a heart-to-heart. But you probably should either break up or stop cheating.
So many people think things will be different when they “find the one” or settle down. But if you only know how to be unfaithful in a relationship, how is the mere presence of one person going to undo a lifetime’s worth of bad habits?
To be clear: cheating is not a moral failure on your part. And though the guilt that comes with it often attaches itself to the person you’ve betrayed, the one who’s hurt most is the cheater.
Monogamous relationships are practice for when you do want to settle down. Even if you think you never will, at the very least, they encourage healthy, mutually beneficial interpersonal relationships.
If you like to be fair and balanced when you get down and dirty, Fox on Sex… serves no purpose.
Seriously.
Recent columns have included The Mile High Club… and Beyond, which was basically speculation on what sex on a plane might be like from a woman who has never done it. The author also suggests having sex in a handicapped bathroom (which only sounds sexy to those who’ve never tried it), “the back of dark clubs,” and (seriously) “alleyways” (which sounds great if you’re looking to get raped/step on a junkie’s used needle). Or, if you really wanna get freaky, Fox has a scandalous suggestion for local: the living room floor. “Is your mother-in-law scheduled to arrive today or tomorrow? And did she ever return that key?” If this is how parents get their thrills, we never want to hit middle age.
If a change of scenery isn’t your thing, check out Talk Dirty to Me: Decoding What Your Lover Is Sayinghttp://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,591264,00.html?sPage=fnc/health/sexualhealth/foxonsex for some really great insight. For example, did you know that when she screams, “Don’t stop! Don’t stop!”, she really means, “Please continue doing exactly what you are doing without changing the tempo or pressure.” I’m sure our male readers have been wondering about that one for ages! But what if you’re partner’s really freaky? Like, what if she says, “I think the kids are asleep by now... I locked the door.” Spoiler alert: she wants to bone!
Read the rest at your own risk…
Hi Charlie! I know where you live, and I have your number, but your wife won't let you talk to anyone. All I can say about that is "Charlie? Pre-nup, okay Charlie? Pre-nup."
I just wanted to let you know that you're a really awesome, totally special dude, and a lot of people miss you and your special sense of humor and friendship and enjoyment of life (as the French say, "joie de vivre.") We miss you Funk!
The next time you're feeling down, please sing this to the tune of "You Are Not Alone"
"YOU ARE NOT ALONE, ALIENS ARE HERE WITH YOU, Charlie"
I also am writing this to let you know that nobody can WHIP IT, WHIP IT GOOD! ("it" meaning a door and by "whip" I mean strike with a belt) like you. Did you finally find the belt of a lifetime?
Come over and see my baby! She plays hide and seek and growls in a beast voice! Ok, ok, I am good guy. I hope your woman doesn't send me hatemail.
Which brings to today’s conundrum: what to do when you’re forced to introduce your S.O. to someone.
You’re walking out of a restaurant after your third or fourth date with the new guy, and suddenly you run into a girl from your Kickball team, and you find yourself stuttering, “Oh, this is, uhh… John.”
Or maybe you two are officially dating when you run into the cute coworker that you don’t want to close any doors with, so you introducing your boyfriend by saying, “This is my friend, Chris.”
Sometimes you don’t want to look like you’re rubbing your marital status in people’s faces, and other times you don’t want to say anything that would scare the guy off.
But think of it this way: if you and your roommate ran into your college friend, you would introduce your roommate by saying, “This is my roommate, Jess.” But if you’re introducing two friends, you don’t need a title.
When our relationships with people extend beyond friendship (i.e., relatives, coworkers, etc.), it’s totally fine to acknowledge this distinction. If you were out to dinner with a 50-year-old woman, the acquaintance you bump into would probably assume it was your mother, and when you introduce her as such, the acquaintance understands the situation. When we understand what’s going on, we’re more comfortable.
Likewise, if you see two people of the opposite sex having dinner together, you’re going to assume it’s a date. But if these people go out of their way to avoid confirming your suspicions, you feel left out, confused, and unsure how to read the situation.
With all of this in mind, let’s discuss what you should do if:
1)YOU JUST STARTED DATING
It’s only been a few weeks (or maybe even a few days), and you run into someone you don’t know that well. Introduce the guy first, and don’t linger on how you know the guy. “Amy, this is Brian; Brian, Amy. Amy and I go to the same yoga studio.” If it’s a friend, you can explain the situation later.
If you’re taking him to a social event (e.g., a party), again, introduce the guy first, and then try to make a connection between the two people. “Molly, this is Brian; Brian, Molly. Molly, Brian also likes skiing.” Prepare an answer to the “How-do-you-two-know-each-other?” question, but make it neutral and noncommittal. Say, “We’re both friends with Michael.” Or, if you met online, say something like, “Oh, you know, the New-Englanders-in-DC thing.” Don’t call him your boyfriend, and don’t say, “We’re dating.”
You’re not trying to hide anything, but you are trying to avoid pressure too early on. If your response is too committal, or too vague, you’ll worry about what you said, and the guy might get concerned too. Take the focus off of how you two know each other. Most people will be too self-absorbed to notice.
Whatever you do, do NOT introduce the guy as your friend. If you two do become official, and you have to reintroduce this guy as your boyfriend, the people who thought he was your friend are going to feel like idiots, and they’re going to resent you for lying. You’re also giving the guy a window of opportunity to turn this into a casual hookup.
2) YOU’RE DATING, BUT YOU HAVEN’T STARTED SAYING “BOYFRIEND” AND “GIRLFRIEND”
Use the same avoid-answering-the-question strategy as above, with one caveat. If you do want the guy to start calling you his girlfriend, it might not be a bad idea to introduce him as your friend every once in a while. If he’s told you that you two are dating, but he hasn’t dropped the g-bomb yet, introducing him as your friend both makes you seem unavailable (which makes you more desirable) and invites further discussion. If he says, “Why’d you tell that girl I was your friend?”, ask him how he’d like to be introduced. He might say, “As your boyfriend.” If he doesn’t, keep introducing him as your friend.
Don’t introduce him as your boyfriend yet. This is one of those things that makes you seem too eager, and besides, do you really want to make it seem like you’d let just anyone call you his girlfriend? If he wants to use that term with you, he has to earn it (by asking you out-right). If you don’t make him work for it, it seems like you don’t respect yourself. And if you don’t respect yourself, why should he?
3) HE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND
If you two are officially bf/gf, you should introduce him as your boyfriend. People feel more comfortable in situations they understand, and when you withhold that information, the other person’s going to feel stupid. Let’s say you introduce your boyfriend to Karen in name only, and Karen runs into Laura later that week. Laura tells Karen that the guy was your boyfriend, and Karen feels like an ass for not picking up on it.
If it’s the cute guy from work, the guy you’d dump your boyfriend for, you still need to acknowledge the relationship. If he finds out the truth later, it’s going to make you look deceptive and manipulative, two qualities most guys don’t look for in a girlfriend.
You’re not bragging about having a boyfriend any more than you’re bragging about having a roommate if you just say, “This is my boyfriend, Alex.” And everyone (you, your boyfriend, and the friend) will feel better if all the cards are on the table.
But that didn't stop us from paying $10 for an autographed copy of the DVD.
The film opens with the film's stars, a banker named Johnny with unprofessionally long greasy hair and an unidentifiable (and probably fake) accent and his fiancee Lisa, engaging in a pretty mundane conversation. Somber, ominous music plays in the background. Within five minutes, the soundtrack abruptly switches to a generic R&B song to accompany a painfully long, awkward, and gratuitous sex scene. There's another five minutes of stilted dialogue. And then another five minute sex scene (which reuses shots from the first one).
We don't normally like things that are so bad they're good, but The Room makes box office bombs look like amateurs. After a scene in which Johnny's best friend Mark (who's also listed as a personal assistant to the director in the credits) quizzes Johnny on his new client, and Johnny responds, "I can't tell you it's confidential. Anyway how is your sex life?", you begin to wonder if even Stanley Kubrick could have made this film on purpose. The film's missteps (and, as far as we can tell, there are only one or two lines that don't count as missteps) prove to be comedic gold.
The Room has regular screenings in New York and LA, but the director is making a stop in DC this weekend.
So if you're in town tonight, get your ass down to the E Street Cinema. And take a picture with Tommy Wiseau and send it to us at datethedistrict@gmail.com.
Here were his thoughts…
On grooming: “I'd say that, while grooming is important, and straight up Brazilian or some trimmed peach fuzz is always nice, a real man can hang in the bush.”
On how girls can be their own worst enemies: “I also think that, in some cases, girls take their insecurities and project onto the guy, either by not giving him the chance, or dissuading him by--to greater and lesser degrees of subtlety--grabbing his cock and offering sex.”
And finally, on reciprocity: “I'd like to pose a question: Is oral sex the only means of reciprocity-is it precisely an act for an act?
“Oral sex can be used in different ways. There's the warm up/foreplay--which I think can and should be almost always reciprocal within the term of the sex act. Then there's the one-time release, where someone (granted usually the guy) just gets some oral sex. I don't think it makes sense, necessarily, that the guy or girl be required to immediately reciprocate-just because don't we all want some time to enjoy the post-release relaxation? However, one should keep a mental note and return the favor at the first appropriate moment. These can be little gifts of selfless giving between partners, after a rough day or whatever. Then, there's always the finish-off. Sex nearly completed, a woman takes it upon herself to take the man in her mouth-a personal favorite--also works well if the guy performed oral sex on the girl at the onset of nakedness.”
This brought up larger issues (which required furious gchatting to resolve). The issue, we realized, is that girls are more likely to need to be finished off than guys, because they might have a harder time climaxing from sex alone.
And, in this case, if the guy already reached climax through intercourse, the girl probably doesn’t need to reciprocate at that moment. So, within the confines of a relationship, the balance might actually be more skewed to the women.
But that’s not what our reader wrote in about yesterday. She raised the issue of oral sex within the confines of a one-night stand.
And here’s where our male reader offered perhaps the best advice on equalizing the oral sex exchange that we’ve ever heard.
The one-night stand oral sex issue often comes up when a girl takes a guy home, realizes she doesn’t want to have sex with him, and then tries to trade oral sex for penetration (like the woman in our earlier post).
The guys who might not want to reciprocate, he argues, are either lazy, squeamish, or selfish. They either want to get pleasure without giving any, or they’re a little intimidated by an unknown vagina.
When partners are reciprocating oral sex, everyone wants to go last. We all want to enjoy that post-pleasure release without worrying about the work to come.
But if you’re doing the one-night stand oral-sex tradeoff (which, by the way, we never, ever advocate doing), it actually makes sense for the girl go to first. Why?
Let’s say the guy starts doing that thing where he pushes your head downtown or straight-up asks you for a blowjob. Instead of going for it and hoping he repays the favor afterward, say, “I’ll do you if you do me first.”
According to our reader, very few guys will turn down a blowjob. And so some of the squeamish, lazy, and selfish guys who were on the fence about going down on you will be more likely to get you off in order to earn that blowjob.
Not everybody has BBM yet everyone (and their grandmothers) is on Facebook. So the question is, do you add that new cutie to your BBM or Facebook? Here are some helpful guidelines to better serve you:
1. BBM is simply just texting from your phone number. You can add a small status change about your life as well. If you add your crush on Facebook, they can stalk your life and possibly see things you forgot you had on your profile. Do you want to take that risk?
2. BBM is far more private. You can change your status and people will not feel inclined to bother you if you are online as ‘busy.` If you are on Facebook, you are basically available 24/7 unless you choose to go offline.
3. It is however harder to delete a BBM contact than unfriending a Facebook contact. It is also more noticeable on BBM because typically most people have less BBM contacts than Facebook friends.
The answer for which is better is up to you. I personally prefer BBM, because it`s far more intimate and personal. However, it`s really up to you at the end of the day. No matter what you choose, you will still enjoy chatting online with your crush on either one of these social media platforms.
While this article had a few good tips on safety (like always meeting first dates in public), but for the most part it felt like sensationalized nightly news, painting the world as a much more dangerous place than it actually is.
Yes, some people on these sites might have spouses, or criminal records, or dangerous intentions, but so do people that you meet at coffeeshops, bars, night classes, work, even house parties.
We seem to have this idea that rapists and criminals are drawn to the internet. It is, after all, easy to hide behind an assumed identity when you can post whatever picture you want, but it’s equally as easy to lie in person. Sure, you can’t fake your weight or age when you’re having a face-to-face conversation, but when was the last time you asked for ID when a guy gave you his name?
People you meet at bars have no incentive to disclose a criminal record, and just because someone said it to your face doesn’t mean it’s true.
The fact is, rape wasn’t invented by the internet, and you’re at just as much risk when you go around meeting people in “real” life too.
Unfortunately, this article provides no numbers, and it doesn’t seem like there’s been extensive research comparing criminals who target dating sites instead of deserted alleys, but we’d bet that the percentages are about the same, if not lower in favor of online dating. If there’s anything CSI’s taught us, it’s that a lot of criminals get their kicks from the challenges.
But the main issue with this article is that it fails to discuss the biggest potential hurdle for these companies that offer background checks on online users, which is that they rely on accurate information. If you want a background check on SurfBoy212, you’d need his full name and date of birth. But if someone’s trying to conceal a criminal history, he’s probably not going to offer up honest answers to your inquiries.
Even if they’re not trying to hide anything, how are you going to go about obtaining a DOB? It reminds us of the date-rape kit David Cross always carries:
That’s not to say that you should have to feel embarrassed/apologetic about looking out for your safety, but the main issue is that you’d probably have to be upfront about it to get the correct information. This probably isn’t going to create the most favorable impression for your date, which again, would be OK if the results would be accurate.
But because a guy with something to hide is probably going to lie in the first place, you’re risking a lot for a very unlikely payoff. The fact is, you never know when someone’s telling you the truth, and if meeting guys in real life gives you a false sense of security, that’s probably more dangerous than skeptically online dating.
A friend and of a friend and I have recently become chatty after a chance meeting at a party. When I say chatty, I mean that we are mutually snarky and give one another a hefty helping of shit talk on what has become a somewhat nightly basis. In one of our "serious" lulls he mentioned his internship in DC this summer and I had mentioned that I would be there in July tagging along on a business trip of my aunts to do some sightseeing and he suggested that 'if I get tired of hanging out with my aunt that we should meet up." I more or less said okay, and since then I have wondered what this potential meeting is--is this a date? I'd still call him an acquaintance since we've only met the once, but it does seem peculiar for an acquaintance to go out of his way to chat with you and to invite you out if there weren't some sort of interest? [I maintain that men NEVER knowingly pursue platonic relationships.] He's a total catch so if he is interested I'm delighted but my recent run ins with the opposite sex have left me unenthusiastically suspicious at best.
The problem with cop-out invites that leave the ball in your court is: you rarely find out if it’s a date until after it’s over. If he goes out of his way to meet up with you that week (i.e., calls you, makes plans, takes you out to dinner) and then kisses you at the end of the night, it was probably a date. If he suggests meeting up at the Smithsonian and then tells you he’s meeting up with friends for dinner, it might not have been.
It’s probably not worth spending too much time trying to decipher his intentions. Chances are, he’s still trying to test the waters, and if you ask him out-right, it might do more harm than good.
When you start trying to put labels on things and name every interaction (e.g., his asking me to coffee = date, his asking to borrow my notes = flirting), it drives you crazy, and if the guy finds out, it makes you look neurotic—not exactly a turn-on.
We've said it a million times: the best guy to win a guy over is to make him work for your affection and to treat him like a friend until he asks you out.
Plenty of guys pursue platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex. Sure: some guys put bros before hos and see girls as walking vaginas, but the vast majority don’t. In fact, we would argue that guys are sometimes better at pursing platonic friendships with girls because they’re not socially conditioned to see every member of the opposite sex as a potential soul mate.
Girls watch chick flicks and Gossip Girl and see girl and guy friends fall in love with each other at the wrong times and spend the entire movie/hour working towards the climactic finish: a marriage, a make-out, etc.
But guys are sometimes better at separating sex from friendship. If they have a girl (space) friend, they’ll still pursue sex—and they often pursue it in other venues.
Girls sometimes see guy friends as potential romantic partners that they already have an in with—not necessarily our fault if we grew up on Julia Roberts movies.
If a guy wants to date a specific girl, her pursue her romantically from day one. If a girl wants to date a specific guy, she’ll often pursue friendship first—not a bad option, given the difficulties of expressing interest without coming on too strong. But that means that girls, not guys, are more likely to have ulterior motives in platonic relationships.
Girls might see guys as unable to pursue strictly platonic relationship because these girls are unable to do just that and they assume that it works the same way on the other side.
This isn’t to say that guys don’t fall for their girl (space) friends. But the best way to win them over is, as always, showing them how cool you are and sprinkling in a dash of unavailability. In other words, treat him like a platonic friend.
So if summer rolls around and he doesn’t make any concrete plans with you, by all means, send him a text and ask him if he wants to hang out. But make plans like you would with a girl (space) friend: no romantic walks around the monuments at sunset, etc. Try to do something during the day. Avoid physical contact. And limit your interaction to only a few hours. If you’re meeting up at 2, tell him you have somewhere to be at 4. That leaves him no time to get sick of you and plenty of time for him to miss you.
Be patient, but until he specifically asks you out on an unambiguous date, it’s best to assume that it’s not.
It`s not as simple as fantasizing being with someone else in the throes of sex. It`s not pining for a long lost lover or wanting to masturbate over the guy or girl we happened to see on the grocery checkout line. It`s not even that one can conjure a specific lover in one`s mind`s eye that they wish to be with, it`s just that sex with one partner begets a need to have sex with another.
The longer one goes without physical intimacy the harder it is to remember what one is missing; the human mind is an amazingly adaptable organ, after a time we simply do not miss what we are missing. With all the facility available for us to surf the net and dial up any type of porn imaginable, in a very real sense once any of us have been without sex for any long period of time we might not truly ever need it in the here-and-now ever again. But when we are having sex, exercising our libido as much as out cock and pussies, that`s when we want to have more of it, and unless we are building an intimacy based on monogamy-an unnatural state given our need for multiple partners at all times-then we want more sex with different people even if we are having great sex with one person.
It might be a biological imperative in men to search for as many wombs to seed, but for women as well-for all people of any sexual preference-we want to experience sex with a different person even if we believe we are wholly satisfied with our current rlove. The simple attraction we feel to other attractive people who pass us by daily is the beginning rumbling of this urge that once lit by consistent healthy sex with one person won`t die for our ache for another.
1. Moving Out of the Comfort Zone:
Asking a new partner to do something that she`s never done before can be frightening for her . Of course this all depends on how comfortable she with her sexuality. Rather than asking for her to do something out of the blue, ask her beforehand if she has ever tried it, that way you can get a feel for her comfort level.
2. Unexpectedly Knocking Backdoor:
Women have different ideas of anal play-some love it, while others hate it. So, until you know how she feels about it, you shouldn`t go there. Don`t even let a finger stray back there because that is guaranteed to pretty much scare her.
3. Letting Your Tongue Run Away With You:
Dirty talk can really spice things up, but in the heat of the moment all kinds of things can come out. While it`s one thing to whisper a fantasy into your partners ear, it`s another thing to spill your desires in graphic detail like you`re possessed.
4. Whipping Out the Sex Gear:
Introducing your stash of sex toys to your new partner should be carefully timed. And if you haven`t mentioned them in a prior conversation, then you definitely should keep them out of the way for the first time you have sex. You`re going to have to ease her into the idea before you bring out all your toys.
5. Pain Play:
Biting, hitting and tightening your grip around her is a sure sign to send your new partner running for the kills. While some people do get pleasure from rough sex and pain play, most people will probably think that you`re a psycho if your doing it the first time you have sex. It`s more than likely she will probably think that you`re a rapist!
If you`re on a free dating site and have provided a photo of yourself on you personal profile, you run the risk of having your personal information revealed to potential stalkers using Google`s reverse image search engine to their advantage.
To make sure this is in fact a valid threat, I had copied a random photo a girl simply named ‘surferchic85′ on an online dating site and dragged it into Google`s search bar. Lo and behold, Google pulled up ‘surferchic85′s real FULL name, her Facebook account, her phone number and place of employment. I did the same for another girl and it turned out that the picture she was using was in fact a photo from a modeling site she stole.
Since I`m not a cyber stalker, there was nothing to fear. But what about the other people who are being searched for and more importantly, how can you prevent yourself from being easy prey online?
First of all, most of your personal information that can be found online is in your Facebook account. You may not know this, but your phone number may be listed on your account without your knowledge. That is why it is imperative to make your Facebook account private and you should take the time to go through your privacy settings. (Despite the fact that it is a huge pain in the ass.)
Also, don`t use the same photo you do on your social media accounts and at work when you`re using a dating site. It is also a good idea to do the unthinkable: Google yourself and see what pictures come up and see if you are an easy target.