Morning Sex

Morning sex has it`s very own special appeal and a lot of dating couples like it better than regular night time

Set the alarm early: having sex in the morning. And, since you`re in there, you might as well give your teeth a brushing. One of the biggest complaints about morning sex is that partner`s have bad morning breathe. So, giving your mouth a little cleaning before heading back to bed can really work wonders.

Keep the lube handy: Morning sex is quick sex most of the time. Since a woman`s body takes a little time to warm up, keeping the lube nearby so you can readily use it is always a good idea.

Shower together afterwards: Not only will you want to shower after your morning sex, but you will also want to help the environment by showering together, right? This few minutes of non sexual intimacy will help you and your partner really connect to each other and give the two of you an even bigger dose of feel good hormones.

Your day ahead is now going to be one of the best days of the week because that morning sex! And who wouldn`t that!

Artful Pursuit

Yes, the internet is great. Yes, finding sexual activity on the internet has never been easier. No, you cannot just sign on and have someone land in your lap within twenty minutes. There is art form to acquiring

Innuendo works best in snagging some XXX dates. At least at first. Saying hello is still the best way to make your introduction to someone in this scene. Shocking, isn’t it? But once you have gotten to know each other a bit and traded innuendo, you can definitely get more graphic. The key is just using your head and getting a vibe from someone. A savvy, intuitive person will get the most XXX dates.

A Few Words on Perfume

The other day a (female) friend of ours enlisted a (male) European to show her how she should wear her scarf. He demonstrated on his own neck, and before returning the scarf to her, he held the scarf up to his nose and conspicuously inhaled, which made the entire table burst out laughing.

“What?” he said. “Sometimes a girl’s scarf smells so good from her perfume!”

This got us thinking. If the smell of perfume is so enticing that this guy will go out of his way for it—and not only that, ignore pretty much all social conventions to get it—could Sephora be the answer to all dating woes?

 The olfactory glands can be powerful persuaders. Certain smells can trigger strong emotions when they hearken back to your past, and there’s nothing like finding (and smelling) an ex-boyfriend’s old t-shirt to set you back two weeks in the grieving process.

Those Old Spice ads might have driven you crazy, but we bet you’ve lingered in the deodorant aisle and debated whether or not you could get away with one whiff.

A light, feminine fragrance has the same effect on men. Is it going to make him fall in love with you? No. Will it help you find your future soul mate? Definitely not.

But if a guy gets wind of a pleasant smell, will he find himself wanting to talk to you without knowing why? Perhaps.

If nothing else, it can’t hurt. The next time you’re out of mascara, consider switching to drugstore brand and put the savings towards a new bottle of something sweet.

How to Deal With Social Media During A Break Up

We all know that breaking up is hard to do, but in the social media age, it has made it much more difficult than it used to be. When you broke up with someone before 2003, you had no clue what the other person was doing and the worst that you would have to deal with was blocked phone numbers and incessant messages on your Myspace account from the person you were previously dating.

However, now when you break up the whole world knows once you`ve made your relationship ‘Facebook official.` Everybody knows there`s trouble when you change your status from in a relationship to "it`s complicated." After that, it`s just a hop, skip and a week away from the dreaded break up status line that shows up on everybody`s mini-feeds.

Before all you had to worry about was when your ex was going to see somebody. Now, you have to worry about him or her showing off pictures on their facebook and twitter accounts of hot dates or flirty wall messages that end up on their wall late at night and of course, the tragic blocking or deleting of your profile. It sucks how dependent we have become on social media networks.

To prevent yourself from going through a digital and mental breakdown, you must refrain from talking about your feelings over online chat sessions or wall messages. With just a single tweet, you can be involved in an online war with your ex.

If any of your friends on Facebook ask you over your wall if you are doing okay, erase those messages immediately. Any real friend knows that the last thing you want is for everybody to see you`ve broken up with someone over Facebook and how you`re hurting over it.

Also, delete your ex from Facebook. You don`t have to do anything drastic and block them if you don`t want to, but it`s really the only way to get peace of mind.

Survey the District: But How Do I Let Him Know That I'm Interested?

Dear Date the District,

One of your posts talked about texting... OK, I get that you don’t ever want to look desperate. But how do you let a guy know you’re interested? Sometimes he asks for your number and then never calls, and sometimes I think it might be because I didn’t seem interested enough at the bar. So what’s wrong with texting him to clear the air?

Anonymous

Well, anonymous, the answer to your question is simple: never let a guy know that you’re interested. If a guy’s not calling you, it’s not because he’s worried that you’ll shoot him down. The lack of interest is on his part, not yours.

I don’t buy the whole He’s-Just-Not-That-Into-You craze, the book that your best friends were all telling you you had to read five years ago that turned into a movie that is single-handedly responsible for my desire to punch Ginnifer Goodwin in the face (seriously, WTF was she doing in a chick flick?).

Realizing that a guy doesn’t like you is painful, not liberating, and my problem with the He’s Just Not That Into You franchise is that it encourages girls to act like psycho bitches (i.e., leaving a guy five messages in a row and then validating that behavior by saying, “Well, if he doesn’t like me, it’s his loss!”).

Most of the time, if you try to show a guy that you’re into him, he’s not gonna be that into you.

It works that way for girls too. I went to a happy hour with some friends recently, and two of my friends (let’s call them Kate and Angela) started talking to two guys. The guy Kate was talking to was really cute, and Angela’s guy… was not. They all exchanged numbers at the end of the night. Kate’s guy called her the next day and asked her to go out the following night. On their date, he kept telling her how happy he was to have met her. He texted her three times that night, and Kate never responded. She said she never felt a spark.

Angela, on the other hand, didn’t hear for her guy for almost a week. And she noticed. Even though she claimed she wasn’t interested, she was worried that he’d rejected her. And that made her care.

Like we talked about last week, when you know someone’s interested in you, that person becomes less exciting, less appealing. It’s the unknowns that really get inside your head.

It’s the same way for guys. So even though a guy might respond to a 3 a.m. booty call text, he’s not gonna stick around for breakfast the next morning. He’ll continue to hook up with you for as long as it’s convenient, but when you ask him to come to your office holiday party, he’ll conveniently be out of town, and you’ll probably stop hearing from him for a while.

If you want to go out of your way to let a guy know you’re interested, he’ll get the message. But that will just make it hurt even more when you realize he’s not.

How to Talk to Guys

Spring brings more opportunities to socialize: outdoor happy hours, rooftop parties, drunken kickball games.

There’s an increase in eligible bachelors in close proximity, but how do you increase your chances of hitting it off with one of them?

Most guys will tell you that the more attention you give a girl, the easier it is to bring her home at the end of the night.

A similar strategy can win guys over as well. They might not be as easily swayed by attention alone, but you can make a good impression with a great conversation.

The more favorably a guy remembers a conversation with you, the more likely he’ll be to remember you in favorable terms.

People associate feelings with the situations surrounding those sentiments. When the guy looks back on the conversation, he’ll think, I enjoyed talking to her, therefore, I must enjoy her.

But how do you guarantee a good conversation? It’s actually much easier than you’d think.

You capitalize on two things that people love: talking about themselves and hearing their own names.

We all love talking about ourselves, but we also recognize that manners and basic social norms punish people for making themselves the number one topic of conversation. (Like the friends you avoid because they only talk about themselves.)

A skilled conversationalist makes someone forget that he’s committing a social taboo by engaging him on his favorite subject: himself.

But you don’t want to pounce on a guy and start interrogating him immediately after exchanging names (i.e., asking “What’s your favorite color? What do you do? Where do you live? How many siblings do you have?” before the guy can get a word in edgewise).

Here’s how it works: let the conversation develop naturally at first. But when you hit on something interesting/unique, start asking questions. You want him to feel like an expert in a subject that happens to fascinate you.

So let’s say he mentions that he studied archeology in college. Casually ask him what digs are like. Avoid yes or no questions, and, if you’re really stuck, ask him to explain something complicated (and give him the opportunity to show off useless knowledge).

Again, avoid interrogation. Really listen to what he’s saying—don’t use his response as an opportunity to think up the next unrelated question. Pause after his response, and briefly turn the spotlight on you (i.e., say I/me a couple of times) before asking another question. So if he says, “Yeah, the financial crisis has really hit the archeology industry pretty hard,” say something like, “Yeah, I was really into those Indian Jones movies when I was little, but I feel like their jobs were totally unrealistic. But even with a degree from such a great school [a little flattery never hurts], it’s still hard?”

But don’t turn the conversation back to you. Don’t use his aside as a segue to make it all about you. Keep the focus on him.

If a friend comes up to you, introduce your new companion—and use his name. People love hearing the sound of their own names, and while you don’t want to overdo it (i.e., don’t drop his name in one-on-one conversation--unless you're trying to channel your inner used car salesman), make sure to use his name in place of pronouns whenever you can.

But don’t spend the entire night with him either. After a half-hour conversation, excuse yourself and go mingle. Leave him wanting more, and let him come up to you to continue the conversation.

Heart Pounding? Stomach Fluttering? It's Not a Sign That You're Meant to Be

You know those fluttery-stomach, heart-pounding sensations you get when the cute guy from your office smiles at you?

We dismiss those feelings as silly and insignificant, but we spend an awful lot of time chasing them, sometimes without realizing it.

Ever go out on a date with a guy who seems great on paper (cute, smart, funny), but then stop returning his calls because you didn’t feel a “spark?” Did you ever stop to think about what that spark feels like?

Some people call it chemistry, others call it lust, but it always feels the same: the giddy, light-headed, can’t-stop-giggling mood boost that lasts long after the date ends.

As good as it feels, we have some bad news: that “feeling” isn’t real.

And so many girls will end relationships with perfectly awesome guys because they don’t feel “a connection.”

But let’s think about the guys who make you feel tingly all over: the guy from work who might have a girlfriend. The guy from your gym who always smiles at you. The guy who took you out on one date and now only calls you after 2 a.m.

What do all these guys have in common? None are a sure thing.

Most of them probably don’t want to date you. If they did, they probably wouldn’t seem so unavailable.

In short: you feel that “spark” when a guy plays hard to get. That might mean playing games (e.g., not returning texts) or legitimately trying to let you down easy (because he really does have a girlfriend).

But when a guy does return your calls, and when he does ask you out on real dates, your heart doesn’t pound. You feel like it’s a sure thing, and you lose the excitement and anticipation.

That’s not to say that some guys won’t be legitimately boring. And you’ll probably go on more than a few dates with guys you have nothing in common with.

But the spark isn’t a sign that you’re meant to be with someone. It’s just a sign that he’s coming off as unavailable.

If you understand that, you’ll be able to make more informed decisions.

That means if you’re going out with a guy who’s cute and nice and smart, give him a chance before you decide he’s not the one.

If he’s being nice to you, you won’t get that fluttery feeling. But you might get something even better: a stable, meaningful relationship.

Just Say No to the Naked Make-Out (Part 1)

A few nights ago, my friend Maggie told me about her latest dating conundrum. She’d been seeing a guy for the last few weeks, they’d been doing the naked make-out, and she’d just started giving him blowjobs. He was ready to take things to the next level, but she wasn’t so sure.

Maggie doesn’t like random hookups, and she won’t sleep with a guy unless she’s in a relationship. She wants this guy to be her boyfriend, and she won’t sleep with him until he does, but she wasn’t sure how to tell him this without scaring him away.

I cringed when I heard about the naked make-out. This is something Maggie and I don’t agree on: she doesn’t think she should have to deprive herself just to make a guy stick around, while I became a strong opponent of the “everything but” after a guy in college (who I thought I was seducing by stopping short) told me we should stop seeing each other because he wasn’t ready to date another virgin.

There are reasons why girls normally wait to have sex with a new guy. There’s something that keeps us from jumping in bed with someone five minutes after we’ve met them. Sometimes it’s because we’re worried a guy won’t “respect” a girl they think is easy. Other times we want to make him work for it to make sure he’s not just looking to hit it and quit it. Or maybe sex makes us feel vulnerable, and we don’t want to do it until we know someone pretty well. Maybe we’re worried about disease.

There are tons of reasons why a girl might want to hold off (at least when it comes to penetration) when she’s dating a guy she really likes. But naked make-outs work against all of this rationale.

When we think of heterosexual sex, most of us tend to think of its technical definition (i.e., penis in vagina). But there’s so much more to it than that. Guys can come close to recreating the physical sensations that come with penetration on their own, and most of them do it every day. If they were just looking to come, they wouldn’t need wingmen and bar tabs and all the other things it takes to get laid. A bottle of hand lotion and a half hour on Spankwire would suffice.

But guys buy cologne and strike up conversations with cute girls on the Metro because of the other things that come with sex. The thrill of seeing you naked. The sensation of feeling your naked body grind all over theirs. The validation that comes with knowing that an attractive girl wants your body. And, of course, the occasional blowjob.

The final penis-in-vagina is the icing on the cake. And it’s pretty small and insignificant compared to everything else. When you only deny a guy that, you’re not withholding as much as you think.

When you’re doing the naked make-out, you can still catch an STD. If sex makes you feel emotionally vulnerable, chances are the naked make-out does too. You’re not testing a guy to make sure he’s not using for sex, because he’s already getting 90 percent of what he wants. And if you’re looking for respect, how, exactly, is a naked make-out going to boost his perception of you in that department?

Then there’s the guy’s perspective. When wait till he’s almost inside you to put on the brakes, he’s going to be frustrated and confused. He’s all worked up, he’s only focused on one thing, and all of the sudden he can’t have it. That’s not going to make him think “Wow, I really respect this girl.” It’s going to make him wonder how he can convince you to go all the way. That night.

The naked make-out is the classic definition of blueballing and cockteasing. When you get naked and dry hump a guy, he’s probably going to expect a grand finale. And when he doesn’t get it, it’s really, really frustrating. It’s a turn-off. And it’s an experience he’s not going to want to repeat on a regular basis.

If he thinks the same thing’s going to happen the next time you hook up, and the time after that, and the time after that, he might go looking for someone who won’t leave him feeling aggravated and turned off at the end of the night. He’s gotten most of what he’d get from penetrating you anyway, and he’s walking away with a bad taste in his mouth.

So while you might think that “stop” says, “You have to commit to me before I’ll go all the way,” he’s probably wondering, “How long is she gonna keep pulling this move?” And he might not want to stick around to find out.

There’s an easy way to avoid all this: don’t let a guy see you naked until you’re ready to sleep with him. While you’re still getting to know him, you can make out on the street, at a bar, in his car, or anywhere else where indecent exposure laws apply. Don’t invite him back to your apartment until you’re ready to go all the way. A goodnight kiss won't leave him feeling sexually frustrated the same way a goodnight handjob will.

This will keep him fantasizing about seeing you naked and going out of his way to win your approval. It’ll keep him interested and prevent him from seeing you as a girl he can call when he’s looking for sex. And, if he’s really just looking for sex, he’ll blow you off. But it’s better to learn that now and move on before you have a chance to get even more attached.

But what should you do in Maggie’s situation? Come back tomorrow to find out…

Another Gawker Story... So You Don't Have to Page Through All the Boring Ones Yourself

Picture it ... Valentine's Day 1991. I'm a sophomore in college and have been dating the hot guy who lives across the parking lot in my apartment complex - we'll call him G. We've been making out for a while and casually dating ... and then decide we'll move it into more serious territory, just in time for Valentine's Day.

He wakes up early to put a rose on my car before I have to leave for my first class. Awww. We have a makeout session at his place that afternoon, where we express our feelings and remark how special we are to each other. It's touching. I've only had one boyfriend for Valentine's Day before, and he turned out to be an abusive stalker. This is my first healthy relationship in almost two years, and I'm over the moon. I decide to cook him an awesome spaghetti dinner ... and then we'll finally consummate our relationship.

I decide to make the meatballs from the freezer that my roommate had purchased. I make a fantastic dinner for two, complete with candles and a nice peach sorbet for dessert. We head upstairs to begin our wonderful night together. I'm so nervous, because it's our first time together and I haven't been with anyone new in years.

After making out for a while, he excuses himself to use my bathroom which was attached to the bedroom. He proceeds to have what appears to be EXPLOSIVE diarrhea from what I can hear from my half-naked position on the bed near the bathroom door. There's grunting, swearing, panting, and soon cries to God are pouring out of him as freely as the dinner he's ingested less than an hour before. I'm not sure what to do ... do I call attention to his pain by asking him if he's OK, or just let him wait it out? He's got to be embarrassed, because I'm completely mortified.

After what seems to be an eternity (and was probably about 45 minutes), he emerges from the bathroom completely pale and very sweaty. He's a trouper, though. We proceed to have not-so-energetic sex and he hobbles across the parking lot back to his house. Within twenty minutes, I am the one in the bathroom, cursing my ancestors, the shower curtain, the sorbet, and bargaining quite ineffectively with God.

Two days later, my roommate returns home from her trip and I tell her about my disastrous evening. I tell her I've used her ground chuck to make the meatballs, and she exclaims, "OMG... I bought that when we moved in!"

Which was the previous June.

G and I continued to see each other, for some months afterward, but it didn't work out. I never cooked for him again. Luckily.

News Round-Up: Ashley Dupre

You’ve probably heard that Spitzer’s femme fatale, Ashley Dupre, found a new job in the sex industry.

When you’re looking for advice, it makes sense to turn to a professional. You’d think that someone who makes a living doling out blowjobs would have something insightful to say about sex. But after reading her column, we’re not so sure her services are worth $4,300.

We’ve posted a few of her words of advice below, along with how we would have answered the question.

How do I know if my daughter may be getting into trouble? -- Meredith, 40, Queens

What she said: It's all a matter of having the right perspective and approach. Most teenagers will do stupid things. What were you doing when you were a teenager? For a long time I was actually an honor-roll student and a great kid. I respected my parents and my elders.

Things really changed for me when my brother ran away when he was 15 and my parents were terrified that the same thing would happen to me, so they were incredibly strict with me . . . and that caused me to rebel and go the opposite way.

If your daughter is getting good grades, shows you respect and has a good head on her shoulders, give her room to go out, grow and make mistakes. And be there when she falls. I would definitely educate her on what is out there in the world to be wary of.

Sometimes instilling a little (but not too much) fear into her is not a bad thing. It validates your concerns so she won't think you're just being an overbearing, overprotective parent who isn't ready for her to grow up.

She is growing up, whether you like it or not. I suggest you be able to talk to her about boys, sex, alcohol and drugs, because they're around and kids do experiment. Would you rather educate her or have her getting alcohol-poisoning at a party? I'm not saying that you should condone that behavior, but you need to help her manage peer pressure and you do that not by saying "don't do any of it, it's all bad." We all know that sometimes we're attracted to the forbidden fruit.

What we would have said: This is a sex column, not an episode of Maury.

Are there telltale signs a man isn't happy in his marriage? -- J. Marshall, 37, East Village

What she said: Guys are primal. They're proud and need to be treated like they're proud and special.

Girlfriends do that for the most part. But I think that wives with children have so much pressure on them, the natural thing is for the kids to take priority. The husband feels secondary and in one form or another may seek out that required special attention outside the marriage.

Guys are so easy to please and I don't just mean sexually. We all need to feel loved and appreciated. Ask yourself, when was the last time you did something to make your husband feel loved, special and appreciated . . . and if you can't remember, then that's your sign right there.

The children are a product of your love for each other. Your relationship should always be priority. Always. Remember, happy parents usually means happy children.

What we would have said: You know, when I’m looking for advice on a marriage, I generally turn to a woman who’s destroyed one.

My boyfriend wants to know how many men I've slept with. Do I give an honest answer? --Anonymous, NYC

What she said: You don't give him an answer at all. It's really none of his business (and vice versa).

It's like you asking him how many lap dances he's gotten in his life. You know you've each slept with people in the past. It's part of being an adult and has nothing to do with your relationship now and your possible future together.

Some things are better left unsaid.

What we would have said: For once, we actually completely agree.

How to Get Your Partner in the Mood

Our last two posts on directed erotic visualization brought up some obvious questions: if guys and girls require different erotic stimulation, how can you get your partner in the mood?

We had a conversation with one of our readers that provided a few insights.

If a girl wants to ramp up a guy’s sexual energy/desire, she has to stimulate him physically, but moderation is key.

OK, guys are almost always up for sex, and they’re better at making sure they achieve orgasm, so most of the work is done for you.

But if you are looking to up the ante (or perhaps convince a drowsy lover to forgo sleep for other activities), subtlety might actually be the key.

If you grab his dick and start attacking, he’ll have a pretty good idea of where things are going. And guys can be rough and aggressive when they’re stimulating themselves, so you’re just providing a new twist on an old game.

But if you gently kiss his neck or lick his nipples, you’ll have the element of surprise, and while he’ll probably still be able to see the future, you’ll catch him off guard and awaken his sensual side.

And, like we said yesterday, complimenting his penis size probably won’t hurt.

If a guy wants to get a girl in the mood, the key is relaxation.

One of our lesbian friends tells us that she always tells girls to relax before she starts going down on them.

You need to make her feel like it’s all about her, and make sure she’s totally comfortable.

Remember that scene in Cruel Intentions where Ryan Phillippe goes down on a virginal Selma Blair?

He’s debonair and sophisticated. There’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that he knows what he’s doing (even if he is, in fact, hopelessly lost). He takes control of the situation and makes Cecile’s pleasure his number one priority.

Guys could learn a thing or two from the incestuous young Sebastian (and we’re not talking the lesson in sequels being universally awful).

First, take control of the situation. Even if you’re so nervous that you want to vomit, don’t let on. Pretend like you know exactly what you’re doing (don’t go so far as to say that you’ve done this a million times, but you get the picture). If you make a mistake (like, say, your shirt gets stuck on your neck when you’re taking it off), brush it off and pretend that it was intentional (i.e., don’t apologize or awkwardly laugh).

Then get right to business. Make it all about her. Start kissing her all over her body. Take things slowly—very slowly. Don’t jump to her vagina until you’ve spend a few solid minutes warming up the rest of her body. Remember, because female orgasm is less tied to vaginal stimulation, you don’t need to make it the center of attention.

If you don’t, in fact, know what you’re doing, phrase it in a different way. Instead of admitting that you’re lost, say something like, “Does that feel good?” or “Do you like that?” or “Tell me what feels great,” and follow her lead.

Finally, keep telling her to relax. Spend a lot of time on foreplay so her imagination can run wild before penetration.

You can’t get inside her mind, but you can help her get to the mental state that makes orgasm possible.

Comparing Male and Female Directed Erotic Visualization

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Conversing via SMS

A reader recently wrote in to ask us about ending a text message convo with a guy she’s interested in.

She and the guy exchanged numbers, and whenever one texts the other to see what’s good, they end up having an extended conversation via text message. For example:

Guy: What u up to tonite?

Girl: Think I’m gonna watch a movie and head to bed early, u?

Guy: Nice. What movie?

Girl: Not sure… have any suggestions?

Guy: Inception.

Girl: Already saw it.

Guy: O ya, what did u think?

Girl: It was OK but the plot didn’t really go anywhere.

Guy: Yeah, I thought it was aight. So what did u do today?

Girl: Just work

Guy: Niccce

The reader worries that this type of communication is too “awkward,” and she wants a way to nip it in the bud.

OK, so the guy she’s texting isn’t as bro-y as the one we imagined above, but the point is, this really isn’t an issue.

We agree that texting may be one of the worst things to happen to dating, but we don’t see this kind of conversation as particularly problematic.

Yes, it’s probably a waste of time, but it’s not screwing anything up, and if you don’t want to converse via SMS, just say so.

The next time you find yourself discussing the weather over BBM, say something like, “Ahhh OK I gotta run… ttyl!”

And if you are stuck in the middle of a texting discourse, don’t feel pressure to respond immediately. You’re not gaining anything by responding immediately, and besides, accessibility isn’t really a boon in the early stages.

But too much texting is just one of those things that’s easy to obsess about when you’re not sure where it’s going. But the medium isn’t as important as how you’re portraying yourself (which should be as a person with a busy, interesting life who doesn’t have time to have a 30-minute-break-between-texts back-and-forth).

If you don’t want to engage in textual conversations, don’t. But don’t worry about what this means, or if you’re scaring him away. Because for the first, you’ll never know, and the second, if you’re focusing on what you want instead of what you think will lure him into a relationship, you’re definitely on the right track.

Cyberstalkers Like Social Networks Over Dating Sites

Many people are aware that cyberstalkers trolling free online dating sites for potential new victims, however people should always be aware of who they are having online chat sessions on their favorite social networks because according to a new research study, cyberstalking has become far more common on social mediums such as Facebook and Twitter than real-life stalking.

Researchers surveyed over 250 volunteers between the ages of 15 and 75 and talked to the participants about harassment that occurs on social media networks, email and cell phones. Most of the victims that have endured online harassment were between the ages of 20 years old to 40 years old.

In most cases, less than 5 percent of victims were cyberstalked from a former significant other, where as the majority of cyberstalking occurred between complete strangers.

It`s a harrowing fact, but victims also told the researchers that these cyber stalkers used social networks (primarily Facebook) to harass and verbally assault them. 20 percent of victims have stated that they were traced through their social media profiles and only 4 percent of them said they were tracked on dating websites.

It`s important for everyone to know the potential dangers of cyberstalking and how it can be easily avoided. Never add someone to your friends list if you don`t know them. If you have mutual friends with the stranger, be sure to check who they are friends with first before adding them. Never engage in conversation with people you don`t know online and be sure to make your profile private. Most social networks don`t openly advertise their privacy settings and that is why it is vital to be aware of these settings and to set them immediately to your profile.

Soooo Awk!

This weekend, we took to OK Cupid to see how women were portraying themselves to potential suitors.

We’ve posted before on OK Cupid’s interesting research into what does, and doesn’t, make a profile successful, but today we want to talk about something we saw again and again on women’s profiles: “being awkward.”

Women listed it as one of their talents, as one of the first things people noticed about them, as a main point in their “about me” sections.

American culture definitely rewards self-deprecation. A person who mentions his accomplishments is seen as stuck-up elitist, while a story-teller who manages to make himself look as clumsy or getting by on luck alone is called “down to earth.”

But when you’re trying to attract a partner (or really even friends, for that matter), it’s much harder to make yourself look desirable when you’re so busy pointing out your flaws.

And “awkward” is a particularly hard flaw to sell.

There’s nothing worse than being on a date with someone who can’t make conversation. He says the wrong things, he gives one-word answers, he makes you uncomfortable just looking at him. No one wants to go on a date with someone who’s so awkward she has to warn you about it ahead of time.

But, of course, these women probably aren’t that socially inept. They’re just trying to be funny, or “real,” or they think it’s a hip thing to put on a dating profile—to show that they don’t care as much as you might think.

 We’re not going to devote a whole post about how absurd we find the whole concept of awkward, of how the people who are sensitive to awkwardness are rarely the cause of it, about how as soon as you decide that a situation isn’t awkward and carry on as though you couldn’t be more comfortable, the person/people you’re with feel immediately at ease.

But we will say this: “awkward” never appears on a list of traits people are looking for in a partner.

So not only are these women guilty of false advertising, they’re making themselves out to be less desirable than they really are.

Do yourself a favor: if you have the word “awkward” anywhere on your OK Cupid profile, go in and delete it, immediately.

If you don’t, we might just have to edit your profile for you.

The Ultimate Guide To Speed Dating

Have you ever been speed dating? If you said no, then you are not the only one. Since the net has expanded its social media networks, it`s so much easier to meet singles to have online chat conversations with. However, speed dating is incredibly underrated now and as odd as it sounds, you are able to meet over 30 people of the opposite sex in 3 minute speed dates. How fun is that?

To some, it may sound more stressful than exciting but there are easy ways of getting over your fear of meeting potential dates at the same time.

Don`t Be Tardy

In order to participate at a speed dating event, you must be there on time. These functions are organized with timers and they have to make sure there are an even number of men to women. You don`t want to be the tool that ruined the organized event, now do you?

Bring Friends!

If you`re afraid of suffering from social anxiety, always bring your friends as backup. Not only will you have your buddies there to calm you down, you will be able to have fun in a safe and fun environment.

Be Prepared

Have at least ten ice breaker questions ready so you don`t run out of things to say to new and exciting strangers. Put your new tag on and grab a cocktail to calm your nerves. The more prepared you are, the more confident you will appear.

Remember Your Manners!

People still to this day need to be reminded to put away their phones on dates and you should remember to not only put it away, but to put it on silent as well. Also remember to keep eye contact, smile and remember your date`s names.

Happy Speed Dating! Good Luck!

How to Be Sexy Part 2

Yesterday, we talked about ways to sex up your first impression. Today, we’re going to go over one simple tip for leaving a lasting impression on men: physical contact.

No one likes to have his personal space invaded, but a little strategic touching can amp up the sexual chemistry he feels whenever you’re in the room.

The key is subtlety. Don’t grab his crotch after you shake his hand. Start of slowly, and if you sense any discomfort, back off. If he pulls back, angles his body away from you, crosses his arms in front of him, or does anything else that seems designed to minimize physical contact, stop.

Start with his arm. When he says something funny, rest your hand on his forearm while you laugh, but pull it back as soon as you’re done. If you’re standing up and need to maneuver around him, put your hand on his back or shoulder to gently nudge him out of the way. If you’re introducing him to someone else, put your hand on his bicep when you say, “This is Mark.”

The goal is to work your way up to ONE thigh-grab towards the end of the night. But you can’t grab his upper leg, lower your voice, and say something like, “Wanna come back to my place?” You have to briefly rest your hand on his leg while saying something totally innocent and desexualized, like, “It was really great meeting you!” or “Let’s talk more about this next time.” Keep your tone naïve and earnest. Everything but the physical contact should be devoid of all sexual connotations. Don’t lean in close, arch your eyebrows, or pull out your best pouty face. Touch him for a second, and then pull back.

When it comes to touching, less is more, but the more physical contact you can make without his noticing, the more lasting the impression you’ll leave.

The Second-Hardest Part of Breaking Up Is Actually Doing It (Part 1)

We’ve all been there. You’re seeing someone and you’ve decided, for whatever reason, that you want out.

But once you’ve made the decision to break it off, you have a second logistical nightmare on your hands: how, exactly, do you go about breaking another person’s heart?

OK, it doesn’t have to be that dramatic. And to help you out, we’ll break it down, in order of descending difficulty.

First scenario: the guy from OK Cupid

You went out with StudlyDolittle69 once (or twice, or thrice), and no matter how hard you try to ignore it, that bald spot and lazy eye combo just aren’t doing it for you. But he’s treated you to a few dinners, and you feel bad…

The great thing about online dating is that it establishes electronic messaging as the standard form of communication. So even if you have his number, you only owe him an email/message.

Wait until he tries to contact you. Maybe the “this isn’t working” feeling is mutual, and, if you never hear from him again, you never have to tell him you’re just not that into him.

But if he does ask you out again, keep it short and vague. Say something like, “I had a great time with you, and I think you’re really cool. But I’m not really sure I’m ready to get involved with someone right now.” If he calls you and you want to have that convo over the phone, great. If he calls and you’d rather fire off an e-mail, that’s fine too.

If you really hit it off as friends (and, as weird as that sounds, sites like OK Cupid that try to match you up with someone based on interests often spawn just as many platonic friendships as they do relationships), you might say something like, “Your stories about your French host family had me laughing for days, and I’d still love to hang out as friends, if you think I’m friend material.”

If he responds with anything other than “Yeah, let’s be friends,” ignore him. He might ask you what went wrong. He might ask you to refund your half of the dinners. Whatever it is, you don’t owe him a response, and if he seems like he might be inclined to message again, block him.

It’s tempting to think, “Oh, if I just explain that it wasn’t about his personality, it was just about his receding hairline and wandering eye, he’ll feel so much better!” But the longer you drag it out, the less fair it is to him. When a guy asks why you felt like it wasn’t going to work and you gave him a straight answer, you might think you’re just clarifying, but what you’re really doing is giving him hope.

And no one wants to hear that he’s bossy, or that he talks too much about himself, or that he smelled so bad you had to breathe through your nose.

“But the odor’s such an easy fix!” you say. “And if I tell him now, maybe he’ll have better luck with the next girl!”

It’s not your place, and when you say, “If you try bathing more frequently, maybe you’ll have a better shot with the next girl,” he might hear, “If you try bathing more frequently,  I’ll go out with you again.”

And besides, would you want a guy telling you it wasn’t you, it was your waistline?

And we can’t believe we have to say this, but we will: if you’ve been messaging some guy and he drops his prostitution habit/bed-wetting problems/”I’m still in love with my ex,” do NOT send him a break-up message. Just stop responding. 

What to Do When A Guy Offers to Split the Check

Last week, a friend of ours met a guy at a party. He asked for her number and called a few days later to invite her to dinner at a swanky sushi place. On the actual date, he ordered all the food—which was a major turn-on for our friend. When the bill came, she politely pulled out her wallet and offered to split. He paused. “It’s up to you,” he said.

Our friend instantly lost all interest in her date.

There are a million reasons why a guy should pay on the first date, and why you might want to rethink things if he doesn’t. But here’s the SparkNotes version: on a first date, you’re seeing the guy on his best behavior. He should be going out of his way to impress you and show off his good manners, and he knows going into it that the guy picking up the check is what society calls good manners (just like you know that you need to offer to split it). So if he doesn’t even want to go out of his way to make a good impression by picking up the check on the first date, there’s a good chance you’ll be eating at Wendy’s (and picking up the tab) six months from now.

And then there’s the issue that, in this case (and on most first dates), the guy does the inviting. Which means he picks the restaurant. Which means the girl has little control over the price. And when the guy orders everything, she has zero control, and letting her pay half the bill is like asking her to subsidize his splurge.

But this guy did something even more manipulative. When our friend offered to split, he told her the decision was hers to make. This might seem nice, but what he was really doing was making it seem like she had a choice when really he was dumping an awkward nondecision on her. When he says, “It’s up to you,” what’s she going to say? No, you pay?

But our friend actually handled this very well. She said, “I’m gonna let you pick up dinner, and I’ll buy you a drink.”

If you’re under thirty and working in DC, chances are, you’re on a pretty tight budget. And when a guy pulls a move like that, you probably don’t want to see him again. So why blow rent money to pay for a meal you didn’t order just to avoid a potentially awkward situation with a guy you don’t care about?

If you do what our friend did (i.e., tell him you’ll “let him pick this up” and offer to buy him a drink), you avoid the awkwardness. But if grace under pressure isn’t your forte, it’s still better to hold your ground. He got himself into this bill, he can pay his way out. If he insists on your paying, you can say something like, “You know, I didn’t order any of this food, and this is way out of my budget. I’m happy to give you thirty bucks, but I can’t afford to split this with you.”

A guy who acts like this on the first date only gets worse as the relationship goes on. So don’t worry about what he’ll tell his friends and congratulate yourself on getting out early.

How To Find Dates on Google+

Tired of using spammy online chat services to find dates or sex online? Why not try Google+? Think about it: It`s a social media network that includes your relationship status, your gender, your location and pictures. It`s just like a dating profile you would set up for Match.com or Eharmony but for FREE! Instead of paying absurd monthly fees, why not use Google+ and scroll profiles for free online dating?

According to a recent survey, over 15 percent of women are using Google+, so why not use it as a dating service? Just join Google+ now, announce (share) publicly that you are single and available via Google+ and set up a Google Voice number that is specifically set up for this purpose alone.

You will be shocked as to how many voicemails you will get in just an hour alone! So remember, if you want to get a date online by using Google+, set up a profile with your location, gender and make sure the "Looking For" fields are visible, (so they can be found via Google search) set up a Google voicemail and include all of this in your About page.

Don`t be shy! Put yourself out there for Google+ lovers! You might find love right before the holidays!

Is Going Commando the Best Way to Meet Guys?

Apparently cooking’s not doing it for Rachael Ray anymore, because the other day she had a panel come in to talk about the merits of not wearing underwear.

One of her dating gurus, a woman who calls herself “Mama Gena,” suggested that women who are unlucky in love have only one thing the blame: the thong separating their jeans from their lady parts.

According to Mama Gena, the best way to attract men is to go commando, because that dirty little secret gives you a boost of confidence that’s irresistible to men.

“It’s a secret that’s been passed down through the ages,” she explains, making obvious reference to the medieval heiresses who shocked the Babylonian fashion world when they were painted stepping out of horse-drawn carriages without their chastity belts.

And everyone’s read the Victorian ladies handbooks that suggest snagging a suitor by showing up at the ball with nothing under your corset, petticoat, and twelve layers of floor-length skirts.

Oh, that’s right—they didn’t, because women didn’t start wearing anything that even remotely resembled the modern-day panty until the late 1930s. (Wikipedia It.)

So Mama Gena’s already batting like a third-string outfielder for the Washington Nationals, but is there some merit to her pantyless proposition?

The Kane Show posed this question to its listeners this morning, and the vast majority agreed. Each caller basically offered some variation on, “Fuck yeah, I never wear panties, and I get guys all the time!” Except for one chick who said, “I totally disagree—I never wear underwear, and on the days that I do, I feel a lot more confident.”

But here’s our question: is lack of underwear making women confident, or do the women who forgo undergarments tend to be more confident to begin with?

The dirty-little-secret element can certainly be thrilling, but does it make you brazen enough to approach every guy at the bar? And furthermore, is approaching guys at bars necessarily the best tactic?

We’ve talked about this before: coming off as overly available isn’t sexy. That doesn’t mean that guys won’t respond to it, but they’ll be more interested in the girl at the bar who won’t give them the time of day.

But the question is, how do you exude sexiness from afar? The answer really is confidence. And so if going commando gives you bravado, by all means, go for it.

But confidence is easy to fake, too. Proper stance (shoulders back, chin up)and a cocky gait can be just as effective as a firm handshake.

But learning how to carry yourself is probably a lot easier than learning how to project confidence by taking off your panties before you head out the door.

And that’s a secret that’s probably worth passing down through the ages.

The Hunt

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The Do's and Don'ts For Really Good Sex

When you`re always writing about sex on a daily basis, it is very easy to get caught up in the idea that we should either be inventing a new position or discovering some new zone. But sometimes, it`s a good to remind ourselves to stick to the basics.

These tips never go out of style. They`re also really easy to pull off.

1. Don`t rush: it`s much simpler and sexier for your partner to say "faster, harder", then "wow, slow down there cowboy."
2. Provide positive reinforcement: total silence sucks! Having some sort of review is necessary. Plus, it`s an easy way to dabble into dirty talk. And, if you can`t find the right words, noises will work just as well.
3. Don`t assume that just because you`re in love, it can`t be dirty: the idea that marriage or monogamy is the end of dirty is totally an old myth that should be de-bunked on a regular basis.
4. But, do ask your dating partner permission before giving a money shot right in the face: that`s just good manners.
5. Have an over active imagination: talking and fantasizing together about whatever it may be is important. Include your partner in your fantasies when it is appropriate. If you`re having sex with your partner and you`re thinking about someone else, it`s probably a good idea to keep that under wraps.
6. Practice reciprocity: do onto others as you would have done onto you. But, you can`t except your partner to have the same values as you do. However, you should assume that when your partner tickles your back, it`s not just because they`re being nice, but because they would like you to tickle their back too.
7. Don`t assume what has worked on previous partners will work on your present one: The biggest mistake you can make is assuming that you know it all.
8. Tell your partners what you like, but don`t expect them to like it: there is a difference between having a preference and being a fascist.
9. Don`t rip off clothes indiscriminately: it might seem like a good idea but in real life a lot of times the clothing is not replaceable and could be an important item to your partner.
10. Do have some sense of humor: there`s nothing worse than a serious person. If you fall off the bed while trying a new position, don`t be embarrassed, laugh it off and live proudly.