Thursday, June 28, 2012

Why You Shouldn't Avoid Sugar Daddy Sites

Why You Shouldn't Avoid Sugar Daddy SitesMany people frown on women seeking sex online with wealthy and older men, but believe it or not, there are plenty of reasons why you should use Sugar Daddy online dating sites. Forget what your family says and don`t fret when somebody calls you a gold digger. Just reap all the benefits and here are some good reasons why you should try dating a "sugar daddy."

1. Younger men are too immature these days and take longer getting established. If you`re looking for a more secure relationship, sugar daddies can provide that for you.

2. Older men have more manners than younger men. They have more respect for their women and they raised in a time when they were taught to be gentlemen.

3. Sugar daddies have more life experience, which means that they also are far more forgiving when you bring baggage to the kinship.

4. Sugar Daddies know the best restaurants and they can actually afford to take you there.

5. They can help you reach your career goals and ambition because they have the money to bring you to success.

6. Older sugar daddies are far more generous when it comes to sexual activities.

7. Sugar daddies treat you like the queen that you are. They bring you gifts and take you away to the countries you always wanted to visit unlike younger blue-collar men.

8. If you`re looking for a serious relationship, sugar daddies are always looking for commitment.

9. Sugar daddies always want to please you and are far better at it than younger men.

10. Most importantly, you will always wake up with breakfast in bed when dating a sugar daddy.

Happy hunting!

Sex Tip of the Day: Mirrors

Sex Tip of the Day: MirrorsWe’ve talked a lot about how guys get off from feeling sexually competent. But women aren’t immune to sexual narcissism, and it’s a lot easier for us to feed those cravings. We never have to worry about whether a guy faked an orgasm, and men generally approach sex with an abundance of enthusiasm, which is easy to credit to our own performance.

The fact is, the more confident you feel during sex, the better you’ll be in bed. Like we’ve said beforethe number one turn-on for guys is enthusiasm, and shyness/timidity don’t make you look eager.

One way to build confidence is to feed your inner narcissist. There’s a certain thrill that comes with watching yourself engage in intercourse, and it helps with body confidence too.

To start channeling your inner porn star, add a mirror.

If you’ve never tried this before, take baby steps. You don’t have to rearrange your bedroom, but angle your bed or open your closet door so that you can see your own reflection from certain spots on your bed.

If you’re nervous, set it up ahead of time. But if you want to make this even more of a turn-on, wait until you’re mid-coitus to say something like, “Hang on—I really wanna watch this.”

Don’t focus all your attention on the mirror. But sneak a peek every once in a while when you’re feeling super sexy.

Try getting on top and arching your back. A curved back makes you look ten pounds thinner, and no girl can resist a flattering angle.

If the reflection starts freaking you out, reposition yourself so you can’t see it. But try again a few minutes later. The more you’re able to enjoy the view, the harder it is for your inner critic to ruin the moment.

Don’t worry about any jiggling skin—this happens to everyone, even super models.

If you’re up for it, try watching porn ahead of time (Spankwire and Pornhub are good places for beginners to start). It’ll give you a good idea of what turns guys on, and you’ll see how close to “normal” that is (especially in terms of body fat).

The more you can enjoy watching yourself have sex, the easier it’ll be to convince guys that you’re great in bed.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Stripper Question

The Stripper QuestionRecently, one of our friend’s moms got drunk and spilled some secrets about her wild and crazy youth in Canada.

We would be remiss if we didn’t share one of them with you, loyal readers.

Back in the day, this mom (we’ll call her Abby) was friends with a guy whose parents owned a bunch of strip clubs in Ontario. She’d never been to a strip club before (she was, we think, the only person in Canada at the time with this distinction), so her friend convinced her to visit one of his parent’s “business establishments” one night.

Abby noticed that 9 out of 10 girls were smokin’ hot. But the other 10 percent, were, well, cute, but not knockouts.

She asked her friend about this, and explained that those are the most important girls. Guys like to see hot women dance around buck naked, but they always see those women as completely unattainable.

The meh girls, however, seem more attainable, and, as a result, they’re a more attainable fantasy. Guys can fantasize about the girls who don’t seem like a perfect 10 because it’s easier for them to believe that these girls would actually want to have sex with them. They’ll throw much more money at these girls because the fantasy becomes so real to them, and they forget that strippers don’t go home with you at the end of the night.

We’re not saying you should all go out and get part-time jobs at The House.

But we do think “normal” women tend to be very intimidated by the few supermodels who walk among us. And while those girls probably do get the most attention, the guys who go after them are like the kids who apply to Harvard with a 1200 on their SATs. It’s worth a shot in the dark for such a big payoff, but you go into knowing it’s probably not going to happen.

Most guys are also beyond intimidated by the idea of sleeping with one of these Sports Illustrated pinups. One of our friends actually broke up with a girl because, “I felt like I was having sex with a porn star.” And while that may sound sexy at first, it quickly leads to performance anxiety and feelings of self-doubt.

You want to be an attainable fantasy. That doesn’t mean you should go out in sweatpants, but it does mean you shouldn’t wear a baggy t-shirt to happy hour because you’re worried people will notice that you lost your 3 p.m. battle with the vending machine.

Monday News Roundup: Making a Connection

Monday News Roundup: Making a ConnectionTwo articles about sex/dating caught our eye this weekend.

The first one comes from the Lavanya Ramanathan at the Washington Post. It’s called “Making a Connection,” and it discusses the unique challenges of dating in three decades: your 20s, your 30s, and your 40s. You can read the full article here, but here’s an excerpt from the section on dating in your 20s:

What we're about to say may infuriate you. It may prompt you to send us angry missives about ageism. But here goes:

The rest of us could learn a thing or two from the dating habits of 20-somethings.

Our dating experts all suggest the same approach to dating at any age: Relax (or at least appear to be unaware of the incessant, pounding tick-tock of your internal clocks) and your charms will shine through.

No one does this better than people in their 20s. (The first dates that can make the rest of us so nervous? A 25-year-old will casually call them "hanging out.")

Of course, 20-somethings have good reason to be relaxed about love. Their dating pool is a virtual ocean, still teeming with cute, smart, upwardly mobile types. And they often have the opportunity to dive right in: There are bars, work outings, social groups and even strange, retro sports leagues that can all serve as venues to meet that special someone…

Twenty-somethings get out there. If a relationship doesn't work out, they keep optimistically forging ahead -- a strategy everyone should try…

Washington does pose some major challenges for 20-something daters, not the least of which is trying to go out in the city on a ramen-noodle budget…

At any age, first and second dates should feel organic and low-pressure. Hit the zoo, a festival or an art event. Check out a jazz club. Walk there if you can.

Our verdict: We like the idea of taking each date one step at a time and not worrying about whether or not he’ll make a good husband just because he ordered pâté on the first date. We also agree with the article’s take on breaking things off and moving on as soon as you realize that it’s not working, and its suggestion that meeting guys in bars is a terrible idea.

But we don’t think they got everything right.

While dating in your 20s might not be as hard as dating in your 30s and 40s, it certainly isn’t easy. We’d love to find Ms. Ramanathan’s “virtual ocean” stocked with an infinite number of “catches.” In our experience, the problem with dating in DC isn’t the price of an entrée at 1789, it’s finding a person you actually want to spend an entire dinner with.

Yes, there are probably more single 20-somethings than there are single 30-somethings. But that doesn’t mean that your future partner is going to be a cute guy in a suit who asks for your number at Potbelly’s (or posts about you later on Missed Connections).

You have to wade through a lot of ex-frat boys with huge egos and significantly smaller potential to find the one guy who’s worth investing in. And if you sit back and wait for it to happen, your chances of finding someone you can start thinking about a future with are going to drop.

This doesn’t mean you should approach guys in bars. It doesn’t mean you should lower your standards or freak out because you’re not going on enough dates.

But it does mean you should act in a way that’ll make the good ones want to stick around.

Ms. Ramanathan complains that:

Books tell us the only way to master dating is to approach it like chess players: He makes his move, then you make yours. Then no one calls anyone for three days.

But those of us who have attempted to find The One know there's about as much strategy involved as fumbling for a light switch in the dark. You try bars, friends-of-friends, the Internet. You consider arranged marriage.

Yes, it’s hard to find eligible bachelors. But what she seems to argue is, when you find the right guy, you don’t have to worry about playing games, because all the cards will fall into place. The problem, according to the author, is finding that guy.

But if finding that guy is so hard, why do things that will set you back in the dating game? Why bring a guy home for a naked make-out because you’re only 25, and there are plenty of guys out there who could turn out to be “The One?”

The thing about The One is, you usually realize he’s The One after you’ve already started engaging in less-than-girlfriendy behavior, like going over to his apartment at 2 a.m. for sex and thinking that will encourage him to make dinner plans with you.

First dates are awkward and nerve-wracking, and it’s hard to decide if you click with your date when all you can think about is whether or not you have food stuck in your teeth. You might write him off because he blows his nose in his napkin, put him on the “hook-up only list,” and three weeks of booty calls later, realize that he shares your love of French poetry.

While it’d be great if the pressure could somehow be lifted from first dates, it’s not going to happen as long as the fear of rejection keeps third-wheeling. And if you start approaching dates as “hanging out,” most of them are going to take place in a tiny studio in Georgetown, and there’s going to be a lot more hooking up than hanging out.

Because good dates are so hard to find, you don’t want to blow it. And while it may seem silly and immature and unfair, playing hard to get will get you more second dates than texting him five minutes after he drops you off.

Keeping It Short Isn't Sweet

Keeping It Short Isn't SweetIn today`s generation, people are used to interacting by having online chat sessions with one another more than they see actually being face to face these days. People send sweet little nothings to their significant others and spouses and they send tweets to random acquaintances they will probably never hang out with in person. So the question is are our short texts, tweets and email messages as sweet as we think they are? Think again.

Despite the fact that majority of people are now all college and university educated, society can`t seem to bring themselves to write something more than 140 characters to people. According to a recent sex dating survey, twenty-two percent of men generally send texts and tweets that consist of only one word. These commonly used words include ‘bbm, gtalk, hello, hey, msn, sup, yo and u?` Only two of those are actually words you should know.

Women are far more chat-friendly and only fifteen percent of women send texts and tweets that solely consist of a single word.

So what can we get out of this? First of all, we should do our high school teachers and University professors proud and start writing more than one damn word to each other. It`s bad enough that we are all cooped up at home living our lives through our computers. We should start interacting with the people in our lives more often and unless we have anything meaningful to say, don`t text it. When it comes down to it, words are all anybody has that is meaningful in this life. So, use them!

Survey the District: How to Make Orgasms a Team Effort

Survey the District: How to Make Orgasms a Team EffortDear Date the District,

I read your post about how to climax/have good sex. While I think your take on this was helpful, I am relatively shy when it comes to speaking up about what I need in the bedroom. While I don't really have body-consciousness issues, I'm pretty self-conscious about the actual process of how things progress in the bedroom. Sadly, I have never achieved the "big O" with a guy before (I know I am capable of it because I've done it myself). For some reason, it just never gets there for me and I can't tell if I am the one with the issues or if it's whatever guy I'm with that doesn't know what he's doing. Either way, I feel totally weird about giving direction or taking direction. Advice on this? Do guys find it off-putting when a girl says "no, do it like this" to them??

No—in fact, it’s a major turn on!

The female body is a huge mystery to most guys. The male reproductive system is a little more straightforward—the target zone is a lot bigger, for one thing.

So a lot of guys have no clue what they’re doing and feel a little lost every time they’re confronted with a vagina. When they’re not 100 percent sure what to do, they start to worry that they’re doing something wrong, which detracts from their ability to enjoy the task at hand.

When you tell them what to do, they don’t have to worry about getting you off. They can follow your instructions and focus on the pleasurable sensations instead of worrying about getting everything right.

Like we’ve said before, guys get off on driving you wild. They can have an orgasm without having sex, and watching you get hot and bothered is a huge ego boost that’s hard to replicate outside of the bedroom.

It doesn’t matter if you had to lead the way—if you can come, they’ll be happy to take all the credit.

If you feel shy about telling a guy exactly what you want, spin it in a positive light. If he’s licking your bellybutton and seems to think he’s found the clitoris, you don’t have to say, “That’s not really working for me.” Instead, you can say, “You know, it feels really good when you do this,” and then take his hand to the right spot. Guide his fingers for the first few seconds, and then let him know when he gets it right. Soft moaning or words of encouragement will do the trick.

Attitude is everything when it comes to sex. Guys love it when girls take the lead, but you can pretty much get away with whatever you want if you act like what you’re doing is perfectly normal.

When guys have sex, they’re more worried about whether or not they’re doing something wrong. They don’t have enough energy left over to watch you with a critical eye, so if you project confidence, they’ll assume that you know what you’re doing.

Sometimes you really have to force yourself to take the plunge to see how this works though. If you’re too shy to ask him to do something outright, move his hand. When you see how willingly he follows your direction, that might give you the confidence you need to deliver verbal instruction.

But sometimes you just have to get over your shyness. It can help to disassociate from yourself. Pretend you’re playing a porn star in a Larry Flint special. In pornos, the women don’t lay there and hope he gets it right. Depending on the genre, they’ll nag, yell, boss, and generally take command.

Or try taking deep breaths and relaxing. The more comfortable you feel, the easier it’ll be for you to release some inhibitions.

But realize that coming isn’t as easy with a guy as it is when you’re by yourself. And the fact that you haven’t come with a guy before is nobody’s fault. There’s nothing wrong with you—it just takes practice!

Be patient and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have an orgasm when you’re with a guy. You might have some moves you can use to get yourself off, but a guy might not be able to replicate those exactly.

It might take some work and collaboration on both of your parts. But remember, most guys are eager to work with you to achieve climax—no matter how long it takes. It might feel weird for you to make adjustments every few minutes, but the guy is probably so eager to get you off that he won’t notice.

What Type Of Women Join Dating Sites?

What Type Of Women Join Dating Sites?When it comes to interacting with the opposite sex online, most men start to question exactly what type of women are searching for love and sex on dating sites. To let you know, there is a huge variety of women who are looking for love and friendship on dating sites.

The Busy business woman

Men shouldn`t feel intimidated by the business woman. She has most likely joined a dating site because she is too busy to meet anyone outside of work. She is a challenge, but she`s easy to win over.

The Woman With No Confidence

Women who are painfully shy, slightly overweight or are plain Janes love to frequent dating sites. She has a lot to give and is not hard to approach at all.

The gold digger

There are plenty of sugardaddy websites on the web and women who are looking to become sugarmamas are always on dating sites waiting for the gold. To avoid this type of woman, don`t brag about your cash and you should be fine.

The single mom

Dating sites are great for single mothers who are desperate to get back into the dating game and most likely she is looking for a commitment rather than finding someone to casually date. Only pursue these ladies if you are ready to be a step-daddy. 

The Woo Girl

These girls are looking for casual encounters after late nights at clubs and will pretty much give it up to you in seconds. She is a dime a dozen. Be safe and you should be able to have much fun with these party girls.

There are many women online that are looking for nothing else but to have some fun with someone. They want a no strings attached relationship and much more willing to be a friend with benefits if you know what I mean. Don’t think for a second she will be easy though, because very likely she has a waiting list of men, so you better stand out and be very charming.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Well-Timed Ending Relationship

A Well-Timed Ending RelationshipWhen a relationship ends, even if it ends badly, there is a future of the

Single men and women live for the potential of dates, the promise of sex, the future of meeting someone off adult personals and finding out what there is to find out about them. The promise of a possibility is what leads us time and again to search for a significant other or even just a good fuck; if we were truly waylaid at every failed love affair there`d only even be on in our lives! The true nature of want makes us romantic, what fuels our hearts as well as pumps our libido is hope. Even in the middle of an affair that drags them down, so many people stay time and again with the promise of a new day.

The well-timed ended relationship could stop us though as much as fill our minds with dreams of what-might-have-been. As much as we can imagine a whole bunch of future moments with an ex that are very much like those moments we had, and no matter how much we can enjoy some masturbatory fodder from our memories, just the mere fact that we pine so greatly or even simply consider some what-ifs might stop us dead in our tracks from entertaining the thought of going at it again, of allowing the possibility of a love in our life. Less a feeling of being burned once and not wanting to tickle the flame of a steady relationship once again, it`s simply that too many of us get stuck in imaging what life could have, might have, should have been like that we don`t make a life for ourselves right now, or even consider one with anyone new.

Dangerous Dates?

Dangerous Dates?One of our friends recently met a guy on OK Cupid. For their first date, he suggested dinner, which went well. He mentioned hiking a few times throughout the evening, and at the end he suggested they go for a hike the following weekend.

Our friend didn’t think anything of it, but when she mentioned it to her mother a few days later, her mom freaked. Meeting a guy from the internet in the woods?? To her, it sounded like the intro to a Dateline special.

While it’s always better to err on the safe side, hiking with a guy you met on Match.com probably carries about the same risks as with a guy you met in a bar.

A friend of a friend has the advantage of being, at least minimally, vetted, but don’t statistics show that women have a higher chance of being raped by someone they actually know? And if sensational news is any indication, serial killers succeed because they’re always the man that no one suggests.

We’re not saying you should put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation just because you’re fucked if you do, fucked if you don’t. And if a guy suggests meeting in an abandoned parking lot for your first date, there’s no reason to go.

But if you’ve met him, and you’re comfortable, the fact that you met him online doesn’t have to factor in to your decision.

Like we’ve mentioned before, online dating sites don’t really differ that much from Adams Morgan. If you’re single, you’re there for a reason. It’s like getting set up by a computer instead of a friend, but when you combine sex with the internet, people get scared.

Some creeps show up in your real life, and some drop $100 to post a profile on Match.com. All forms of dating involve weeding out the people that don’t meet your standards, and while the internet’s wider selection might mean a higher number of weirdos, proportionally, it’s probably about the same.

But for whatever reason, spending an afternoon with a guy that we met at a bar seems safer to some people than going out with a guy who messaged you online.

It’s not. If you’re getting bad vibes, that’s one thing, but the amount of information you can garner from one dance-floor makeout is probably less than what you’d get from reading his OK Cupid profile. So, in some ways, you know more about IrishCutie23 than you do about the guy who’s saved in your phone as “Dave Front Page guy.”

Lessons from Karen F. Owen

Lessons from Karen F. OwenNote: Links to uncensored slides at the bottom of the post.

            By now, most of you have probably heard of the Duke alum who either popped an Adderall the night before a huge final or took one too many Biz Com classes and decided to document her sexual conquests in a surprisingly businesslike PowerPoint presentation.

            Certain “media” outlets (cough Gawker cough) have been ripping the aforementioned femme fatale (better known as Karen F. Owen, apparently not to be confused with the myriad of other Karen Owens else there/a lesson in why you should never include your middle name in your Facebook identity, lest you too find yourself enshrined in a similar “scandal” and Facebook search renders you unable to bask in anonymity) to shreds, but we don’t really see what all the fuss is about.

            Yes, it’s embarrassing, and yes, parents/grandparents/future employers can now find all sorts of anatomical information on Ms. Owen and her band of 13, but, to us, this PowerPoint presentation is, at the least, highly entertaining, and, at most, pretty informative.

            The evaluations of each “subject” and description of each “encounter” include such brutally honest assessments of her own performance that we’re inclined to take most of her conclusions at face value. (One review has the author basically admitting that the highlight of her hookup had nothing to do with sex—it was being surrounded by hot lax gods who were telling her how hot she was. We’ve all been there—it just takes balls to admit it.)

And it’s men, not women, who stand to benefit most from Ms. Owen’s backbreaking research.

1. Bigger DOES NOT equal better. We know you guys grew up with Sex and the City, and watching Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda traipse through Manhattan in search of  he biggest package has convinced you that size is all that matters to women. Size is an issue, but you’re more likely to hear a girl complain about a guy being too big than you are too small.

    

      The bigger a guy is, the more likely it’s gonna hurt. Ms. Owen describes sex with her best-endowed subject as “a tad painful” and gives him one of lowest score on the charts—4/10.

      So stop opening those e-mails promising you 10 inches of hard, pulsing manhood, mkay?

2. Exude enthusiasm—for her. The French-Canadian finishes dead last for being cheap with the kisses (“did not even bother to kiss me for more than a few seconds”) and generally ignoring her afterwards. He may only have been looking for a one-night stand, but now his name’s plastered all over the internet as the worst one girl’s ever had. On the other hand, most of the top-scorers earned points for doling out compliments. Ms. Owen gushes about how one guy ran his hands all over her body, and when she confronted him about it, he said, “Shh… I’m just trying to explore this body…”

Ms. Owen’s presentation also brings up something we’re hesitant to talk about: insecurity. Ms. Owen herself plainly admits to being “susceptible  to compliments” and going home with a guy just because he said she was hot. Suffice it to say that the average woman’s self-esteem is probably lower than that of the average man, and everyone likes a boost in confidence.

If you want to come off as a top-notch lover, pay attention to her. Tell her she’s sexy, don’t skimp on the lip-to-lip contact (even after foreplay’s over), rub your fingers all over her body. The sexier you make her feel, the sexier she’ll think you are. Even if it’s a one-night stand, pretend (and act) like she’s the girl of your dreams.

Keep the compliments coming mid-coitus. Tell her when it feels good. Tell her you love it when she does that. This will help her relax, feel more confident, and enjoy herself. Need proof? Read Ms. Owen’s evaluation of subject 9.

Ms. Owen also claims that one subject blew her away with “intense eye contact” throughout sex. We’re a little wary of this one, as we see the potential for disaster, but it might be something to whip out every once in a while.

3. Don’t peace out afterwards. Ms. Owen also seems to bump scores based on how boys behaved post-hookup. The ones who stayed to chat always got higher scores than the ones who “had to get up early.” In theory, these scores are supposed to be about sex alone (well, technically, “hook-ups,” but we’re going to go ahead and call that the same thing), but this shows that 1) sex is more about the in-and-out and 2) our perception of another person’s skill in bed have a lot more to do with us than them. When Ms. Owens thinks back on the night with the French-Canadian, the way she felt (i.e., shitty) stands out more than anything else, which makes her remember things as being worse than they actually were. (She claims he came off as rude in the taxi home, but the fact that she still went home with him leaves us to suspect that his bad manners seemed more pronounced after the fact, when she was reflecting on the whole evening.)

4. Try something new. Ms. Owens raves about one subject, who takes her to have sex in new places (e.g., the library) and introduces her to new positions that “seemed ingeniously innovative.”

       Women often feel the need to mask (or at least downplay) their sexuality. The SATC girls may have spent all day talking about vibrators, orgasms, and porn, but a surprisingly large number of women feel awkward talking about this stuff, even with close friends.

      But most girls enjoy going crazy when it comes it sex–it makes them feel like powerful sexual beings. Women like to cling to the illusion that they can snare men with sex, and giving an upside-down blowjob in a packed library makes that dream feel attainably close.

      So suggest something that goes beyond plain vanilla, and remain assertive, up to a certain point, when she starts to protest. Because women don’t tend to be as comfortable with sexuality, she might not say yes right away. But as long as she’s giggling and putting up less-than-radical protests, keep going with it. (When she breaks out the mace, back down.)

      Tell her you’ve always wanted to do it outside, or in your car, or at your office. Consult Google, books, and your friends for advice on new positions. But do everyone a favor and avoid blind experimentation and/or porn. Just because can picture it doesn’t mean it’ll work, and just because it’s sexy when Audrey Bitoni does it doesn’t mean it won’t be awkward when your girlfriend tries it.

       Also, be wary of dirty talk. When used effectively, it can be incredibly sexy, but it’s really easy to sound ridiculous, especially with a one-night stand. Like the (white) Red Sox player who kept saying, “Tell me how much you like big black cocks.” When you’re with someone you trust, it doesn’t matter, but when it’s a girl you picked up at a bar, well… you end up on the internet.

5. Build anticipation. After having sex in the library, one of Ms. Owen’s subjects goes on to take her on, “the most erotic walk of my life.”

How does he do it? He just puts her panties in his pocket and makes her walk across campus. OK, so you might not have those tricks at your disposal, but the key is to get things to the point where, “we both wanted each other so badly we almost couldn’t wait.”

Because girls are more about the mental than the physical, thinking about what’s coming is usually better than actually coming (well, almost). The key is to get her hot and bothered long before you reach your final destination.

Try slow, sensual make-outs in a public place that’s at least 20 minutes from any potential bedroom. Whenever things are about to turn PG-13, pull back. Stroke her hair. Tell her she looks beautiful. Draw it out. Make her feel like she wants you as much as you want her.

6.       6. Take control. Only one subject receives a score above 10, and what’s it for? “Him COMPLETELY taking control, throwing me around like I weighed nothing, dominating me, grabbing my hair…”

Most people like to be dominated (in a sexual sense anyway), regardless of gender. So if you want to be good in bed, the best thing you can do is fulfill that need—whether you’re a guy or a girl.

But this is perhaps more true for men. As we’ve discussed before, women sometimes feel shy and timid when it comes to sex, especially when they’re with a new partner. Make her feel like you know the ropes, and show her the way, while you’re at it.

7.       7. Suggest the shower. Most girls that we know love showering, but understand that actual penetration in the shower requires a delicate balance of proportions, and if looks like it’s not going to work, go back to anything but before it gets awkward.

“I had always shied away from [showers with guys]…as I felt as though it would make me look terrible (false, as demonstrated by a later repeat with Subject 9) and expose my flaws (false, it hides them even better).” Guys, this might not mean much at first glance, but it’s one of the most important sentences you’ll ever read in your life.

Here’s a secret: woman are always looking for ways to look/feel skinner. If you can convince yours that the shower is one of them, you’ll be getting warm-water blowjobs for the foreseeable future. If you’ve read tip 2, this should be obvious, but we’ll say it again—complement her! In the shower! Tell her how sexy she looks. If you really want to wow her, say something like, “You’re so skinny! I need to get you a sandwich.”

To anyone who disagrees with Ms. Owen’s advice, we say: haters gonna hate.

Check out the uncensored (and slightly out-of-order) slides here and here.

Ottawans On Top When It Comes To Sex

Ottawans On Top When It Comes To SexOne thing that you didn`t know about Ottawa is probably that they love sex! Ottawa is toes up because not only have they landed the first ever Sexapalooza show, but they`ve consistently had the best attended, sold out shows in three Ontario markets.

"It`s the right city size, the right location, the right vibe-it all comes together," says spokesperson Jocasta Boone.

The city is waiting to see if they will be able to hold that crown if the CBC`s Dragon`s Den will fund its expansion across Canada and into the US.

In the meantime however, Boone says Ottawa remains the eager beaver in all things sexual. Whether your interest is the history of sex, how to do a great lap dance, and the do`s and don`ts of sex toys. The show is ultimately "about educating and looking at every aspect of healthy sexual endeavor."

Here is a look at some preteen awesome features of the festival:

  1. Dancing girls: The main stage will have a whole lot of something for everyone, including Ottawa`s own burlesque troupes, Rockalilly and Capital Tease.
  2. Workshop your sexuality: Adult sex stores will give seminars on how to find a g-spot, how to give the best oral, foreplay, and vibrator use.
  3. Tie me up, tie me down: this one offers showers a chance to slip into something a little more restraining. "The dungeon" is al about BDSM.
  4. Alley of fantasies: the alley is a series of large painted panels depicting various compromising positions where you can poke your head through the cutouts and have your picture taken.

And there is a lot more! Check out Sexapalooza January 14-16 at Lansdowne park in Ottawa.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Proper BBM Chat Etiquette

Proper BBM Chat EtiquetteOnline chat rooms have been scarce lately because it seems like everybody is improving their dating lives with their blackberries. However, just like facebook chat and chat rooms, there is an etiquette to follow.BBMing has now turned into a sensation of its own with rules and that if not applied can get lost in translation. Now liveprofile has taken over and it allows all types of smart phones to talk together at the same time. *Shudder*

Things One Needs to Consider when BBMing

PING!?!
So, you`ve been pinged. How long should you take to respond?

Response Time
Some people are honestly too busy and don’t have their blackberry attached to their hip like others. Patience is a virtue use must use before creating a fight with the other BBM user. He and or she will eventually message you back because they know you know they`ve seen your BBM message.

Contact List
Do I speak to the contact daily, weekly, monthly, or rarely ever? Just like Facebook, you will be amazed by how many people you don`t talk to on a regular basis. You even forget that you have some of them still on your contact list. It`s perfectly acceptable to do a BBM clean up from time to time. If the other person is upset that you deleted them off your contact list, just tell them that BBM messaging goes both ways. It`s not high school anymore. Keep your BBM contact list low.

Respecting Online BBM Status

Unless it`s an emergency, it`s best to not contact BBM users that say they`re unavailable or busy on their BBM status. It`s rude and annoying if you ignore their statuses. You may be the reason why BBM users put their status as busy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

What to Wear on a First Date

What to Wear on a First DateOne of the great things about first dates is how easy it is to recycle outfits. If you have one dress reserved for first dates, no one will ever know how often you wear it (even if you find yourself pulling it out of your hamper three nights in a row).

We’re not slaves to fashion, and normally we don’t think it’s worth spending too much time thinking about what to wear. But a first date brings out the neurosis in most of us, and if you spend too much time worrying about your outfit, it can put you in the I’m-trying-too-hard frame of mind that never looks good on anyone.

Having a go-to outfit tucked away in your closet can help alleviate pre-date jitters.

But not everyone has the same ideas about what makes a good outfit, so we enlisted the help of two single DCers who never seem to be at a loss for dates. And we threw in our own opinion, just for good measure.

The 9-to-5 Blonde

When this girl goes out, guys take one look at her and open a tab. But she still gets nervous before dates. She went out with a new guy for the first time the other night, and she shared this story about what she wore:

The morning of my first date I heard on the radio that in order to have a successful first date (meaning, he calls you back) you have to show off 40 percent of your skin. (Apparently both arms are 10 percent and legs are 15 percent each.) That led to an entire day of anxiety trying to figure out how I was going to show off 40 percent of my skin in the middle of November. After mentioning this statistic to a few friends, it didn't take long for us to realize that no one other than a man came up with that statistic. Every woman should feel beautiful on her first date and if you feel beautiful showing off 40 percent of your skin in the middle of November, than do it. I prefer to be warm and comfortable. Basically, I decided what to wear based on what makes me feel beautiful. I chose the color black because it is slimming and classy. This black sweater dress is tight around my waist and really shows off my body without revealing a lot of skin. I wore tights and knee-high black boots to give it a wintery look. I topped the outfit off with a silver necklace to add some color other than black. When he picked me up the first words out of his mouth were, "You look great." The 40 percent skin rule isn't really a rule at all. Wear what makes you feel beautiful and you will come across as a confident and classy young woman that he can't wait to spend another night with.

The Black Card Beauty

When this girl goes shopping, she tells them to put it on her account. But she says most guys can’t tell Fendi from Forever 21, so she only advocates telling them to put it on her account if it actually looks good:

I think a lot of girls will spend $500 on a boxy dress that just isn’t flattering. I always want to look good, and I never want to look like I’m trying too hard. That’s why I almost always wear jeans on a first date: they can go either way. For this outfit, I paired jeans with a really nice top and some bolder accessories. In my opinion, you’re better off splurging on accessories, because you can carry the same bag every day and no one’s going to call you out on it. And if you’re wearing nice jeans and carrying a nice bag, a $20 top can suddenly look like a $200 top. Not that most guys are going to notice stuff like that. And if they do, I don’t necessarily want to be dating them. I also love raiding my mom’s closet—that bag is hers. You’d be surprised by what you can find in your parents’ wardrobes. Finally, I like to wear open-toed shoes on dates. I think they’re very flirty, but in a more subtle way. Anyone can wear something that shows off too much cleavage, but open-toed shoes are suggestive without being skanky. But, on the whole, I don’t think it’s worth worrying about what designer you’re wearing on a first date. If a guy’s judging you on that, do you really want to be dating him?

The Blogger

Like most bloggers, I’m almost always broke, so I don’t advocate actually spending money to put an outfit together. Instead, I always go through my closet and find new ways to wear clothes I already own.

I’m really into the Joan look from Mad Men right now because I think high-waisted skirts are pretty universally flattering. Unfortunately, I don’t own a high-wasited skirt. So I take a regular black skirt and a wide, tight-fitting, elastic belt (preferably one that doesn’t leave a loose end hanging), hike it up so that the skirt’s waist falls at the narrowest part of my midsection and secure it in place with the belt. (Sometimes I need to fold some material in around the zipper if the new placement makes the skirt hang awkwardly.) Make sure that the skirt’s waistline is completely tucked into the belt. If my I’m using a tight skirt, I take a gauzy or loose-fitting white shirt and tuck it into the skirt. And then I use the belt to make it look like skirt and shirt are one piece. If I’m using a loose skirt, I put on a tight-fitting white shirt, and, again, use the belt to make it look like one seamless dress. If you have great boobs, show a little cleavage. If you’re as flat-chested as I am, consider using the tight skirt/loose shirt option (I personally use a skin-tight long tube top from American Apparel that can kinda, sorta pass for a skirt, especially with a guy who knows nothing about clothes), and opt for a shirt with ruffles where there should be cleavage. The clearance section at a store like Marshalls or Filene’s Basement can be a surprisingly good place to find shirts for under $5 that might look hideous on their own, but don’t look so bad when only the top third peeks out from under the skirt. Add a pair of black tights—they make everyone’s legs look better, and some even come with control tops if you’re into that sort of thing. Finally, throw on a pair of heels. Yes, they’re annoying to walk in, but they also have a flattering effect. If you’re looking to blow some cash, maybe invest in a pair of stiletto ankle boots—whenever I go out, my guy friends always point them out to me. And while you’re at it, send me a pair at datethedistirct@gmail.com.

Holiday Romance for Less

Holiday Romance for LessOne of our astute readers sent in this money-saving tip for those of you who like the paid dating sites.

This reader’s match.com account had expired, and she was trying to unsubscribe to sing up for a different website. Unsubscribing was a multistep process, and when she got to the end, they offered her the option to resubscribe for 50% off.

So if your match (or any other account) is about to expire and you do want to keep your account, it’s cheaper to pretend that you don’t, go through the process of unsubscribing, and then resubscribing at the end when you get the 50% discount.

Or, if you want to try out a site for the first time, it might be worth it to sign up for one month, try to unsubscribe at the end, and use the 50% discount to snag the 6-month subscription for less.

The Vague Date

The Vague DateSometimes you make plans with a guy that require a follow-up. Maybe he says, “Let’s get dinner Thursday,” but he doesn’t specify the time or the place.

Thursday rolls around and he still hasn’t contacted you to set the locale or tell you what time. And then it’s 6 p.m. and you still haven’t heard from him.

Now you’re faced with a dilemma: if he calls you at 7 and suggests meeting up at 8, you’re going to look pretty available/fine with being dicked around if you show up. But, on the other hand, he did make plans ahead of time, and maybe you do kind of like him, so your gut is telling you to show up anyway.

One of our friends handles this by texting the guy at noon to say something like, “I’m trying to plan my night. Where/when are we meeting?” This way she avoids 7 p.m.-bind, gets a date, and escapes with her dignity intact.

The problem is that it gives the guy too much leeway. We’ve said it once and we’ll say it again: what you’re seeing at the beginning of a relationship is as good as it’s gonna get, manners-wise, so if he’s acting like a jerk in the beginning, there’s a good chance he’s not planning on 6 months from now.

At the risk of sounding like our least favorite dating book (He’s Just Not That Into You), if he wants to see you, he’ll go out of his way to solidify the plans. When you hit it off with a girl on your kickball team, you don’t invite her to your birthday dinner and then “forget” to tell her where it is. It’s the same with a guy: if he really wants to see you, you won’t be in 7-p.m.-panic mode, because he’ll have called you the night before to tell you he’ll pick you up at your place.

It’s easy to blame these problems on social incompetence. After all, we tell ourselves, guys aren’t good at this stuff.

It’s true that guys can be totally spacey, forgetful, and bad with social conventions that come much more naturally to girls. But this is rarely going to prevent them from making a first (or second, or third) date. If anything, the more “awkward” guys are going to be even more forward in the beginning.

Someone you know (possibly even you) has probably been in a serious relationship with someone who, from an outsider’s perspective, seemed a little lacking in social graces. But think about how he was at the beginning. He probably seemed weird because he was too forward, called too often, tried to make too many dates.

So if he hasn’t given you any concrete details by 7 p.m., there’s something wrong, and it doesn’t bode well for your future together.

But when he does call, you don’t want to say something like, “Well, I didn’t hear from you, so I made other plans.”

This makes it look like 1) you were waiting around for his phone call but too afraid to call him and 2) you have certain “rules,” i.e., he has to set a meeting time at least 24 hours in advance.

This isn’t what you want either—the message you’re trying to send is, “I’m too in-demand to pencil an asshole into my calendar.”

The easiest way to say this is to realize that a guy who hasn’t checked in before 7 p.m. isn’t getting the pleasure of your company that night, and he needs to make a huge gesture if he wants you to agree to a more specific date in the future.

The best way to say that is something like this, “Crap, I’m actually really tired/busy/dying to go to a yoga class—could we reschedule for another night?”

Let him propose the make-up date, and remember that it’s not your job to explain how dating works. Don’t say, “Next time, give me more of a heads up” or anything else that betrays the fact that he’s the reason you’re canceling.

If he’s smart, he’ll figure it out on his own. If he’s not, he’s not worth your time.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Lessons in Love from the Jersey Shore: Part 2

Lessons in Love from the Jersey Shore: Part 2Yesterday, we talked about Snooki’s not-so-smooth moves on the MTV is-this-really-real? reality TV show Jersey Shore.

Today, we’re going to talk about Sammi, a somewhat cuter version of Snooki who gets involved with a fellow castmate, Ronnie, who’s determined “not to fall in love at the Jersey Shore.”

So isn’t it so cute/surprising that he ends up hooking up with Sammi?? It’s so meant to be, it’s almost like the producers planned it.

Anyway, so Sammi and Ronnie start hooking up, and Ronnie takes Sammi on a date, and he pays, which is how Sammi knows “it’s for real.”

But then they all get wasted and go to a club, where Ronnie (who, by the way, is the only character without a nickname) starts dancing with another girl. Sammi is obviously pissed, so she decides to flirt with a firefighter (yes, a firefighter) and give him her phone number.

This sends Ronnie storming out of the club. The two have a teary reunion a few hours later (yes, Ronnie cries), which seems to signal that this fight is a thing of the past.

When Sammi saw Ronnie grinding up on some random chick, she could have confronted him on the spot. She could have told him what an asshole he was and threatened to break up with him.

And here’s how Ronnie (probably) would have reacted: He would have accused her of making a big deal out of nothing. He would have dismissed it as “just fun.” He would have used this as an excuse to bring up things like, “Well, I’m not sure we’re ready to be exclusive.”

Ronnie did try to play down what he did in the confessional. But that wasn’t (the bulk) of what he said to Sammi. Because she showed him what it’d feel like not to be with her, he was suddenly reminded of how much he wanted to date her (remember, he cried). And so he would do anything to get her back—including apologizing for what he did and swearing he’d never do it again.

While this whole back-and-forth isn’t the healthiest way to approach a relationship, Sammi got what she wanted. And Snooki didn’t.

This isn’t to say that you can learn much about dating from watching Jersey Shore. In fact, few of their relationships (or even male-female interactions) are healthy, let alone enviable. But the show does let the audience spy on 20-something mating rituals from both sides. And a careful viewer might learn a thing or two about how to tame someone who’s just looking for sex.

Or not.

OK, we can’t believe we spent this much time analyzing Jersey Shore. Back to the real world tomorrow.

How to Get Your Ex Back Using Facebook

How to Get Your Ex Back Using FacebookSo you got your heart broken and you feel like your life just can`t go on. You`re too scared to go back on Facebook in fear of seeing on your newsfeed if your ex is indeed dating somebody else. Well buck up! After a recent breakup, you have only a small window of opportunity to make him or her come back to you and here are some helpful tips to help you get back the love of your life.

1. Change Your Relationship Status

As hard as it is to even fathom being single again, it is important to change your status immediately. You want to be the first person who does it and it will definitely sympathy points from your friends and unbridled attention from FB admirers. Your ex will definitely take notice of the potential bachelors and bachelorettes replying to your status change.

2. Post Envy-worthy Status Updates

It doesn`t matter if all you`re doing is sitting at home bawling while watching Notting Hill and drinking Neo-Citran in hopes of it knocking you out, you must make your ex think you are a better person without him or her. Don`t ever post updates of how you`re really feeling. Instead post updates about doing things you never did when you were together. If your ex wanted you to try yoga and you didn`t, post how you`re loving it. The trick is to make it sound as genuine as possible.

3. Chat with Friends and Sexy Admirers

Since your ex has access to your profile page, you want him or her to know you`re putting yourself out there. Leave ambiguous and flirty wall posts on people your ex was jealous of before. Online chat with your friends and plan outings on their walls. Make sure to keep your exchanges to a minimum. Make your ex wonder what you are doing when you`re not online.

4. Accept Event Invitations

It doesn`t matter if you don`t go to any, but accept as many fun event invitations you receive. You want your ex thinking you have all this free time to have fun and party.

5. Post Photos

By this point, if your ex is still very interested in you, they will be aching to contact you and that is when you unleash your coup de grace…posting sexy photos of you and your friends hanging out. Avoid clubs and choose lounges to showcase your killer new hairdo and outfit and see how long it takes for your ex to leave a comment on your photos. Even if they hit the ‘like` button, your plan is working.

By following these guidelines and by disciplining yourself from contacting your ex, you will have him or her back in your arms in no time.

Breakup Babble: Deleting His Number

Breakup Babble: Deleting His NumberBreakups always hurt.

While newly single women are almost always looking to do anything to ease the pain, they don’t always go about it in the right way.

We’re not saying you should ditch the chocolate (in fact, we firmly believe that calories don’t count when you’re readjusting to the single life), but there are a few other important steps in the healing process that most girls overlook.

The first rule applies to guys with weak thumbs (i.e., the ones who don’t text back).

These are the guys you kinda, sorta date for a few weeks, but they’re never really that responsive. They say they’re going to call, then forget. Or you send them a text, and you don’t hear back for a few days. They only contact you in the middle of the night, and they rarely (if ever) invite you to do anything that involves leaving one of your apartments.

While it is sometimes possible to tame these guys (we’ll talk more about that in a later post), it’s not always worth it. No matter how much you crank up the game, it’s hard to transition from backup to first string. And, at the end of the day, is a guy who blew you off for three months ever really going to feel like he’s worth it?

When you decide you’re ready to cut your losses, you need to stick to your guns. Like we’ve talked about before, the more you ignore someone, the more they might try to win you back.

Sometimes the guys with weak thumbs are looking for validation. They love the power trip that comes with ignoring a perfectly tempting text from a cute girl. Other times they’re just lazy. In any case, if they really didn’t like the attention, they’d flat-out tell you to leave them alone (except they’d say something like, “You seem like a really awesome girl, but there’s this girl back in New York…”).

So as you as they stop hearing from you, they’re gonna throw a little attention your way to try and get you back into the habit of sending the 8 p.m. “What are you up to?”

When a guy’s been flaky and unresponsive ever since the first night you hooked up, it’s easy to get excited when he texts you out of the blue. But you need to take his advances out of context.

If you weren’t so attracted to the way he blows you off him, would his behavior seem that remarkable? Put another way, if you two had been dating six months, would whatever he’s doing seem worthy of your time and energy?

If he sends you a heartfelt letter (along with a dozen roses) that does more than dish up some lame excuse for why he couldn’t be bothered (e.g., “I don’t have unlimited texting!”), you might want to listen to what he has to say. If he texts you at 6 p.m. and invites you to go to the movies, ignore him. If you take him back that easily, you’ll be back to the abysmal response rate two weeks later.

But don’t tell him that you’re blowing him off. Don’t send him one final text explaining that you’ve had it with him, and it’s his loss, and you were always too good for him anyway.

These hypothetical texts (or phone calls) might feel like they’d be cathartic or empowering, but they won’t be.

Best case scenario: he won’t respond. And then you’ll feel like an idiot, because you showed him how much you cared, and he was so nonplussed that he wasn’t even stirred to respond.

Worst case scenario: he’ll throw back some insults that’ll take your best friends weeks of round-the-clock therapy to undo.

The hardest part of parting ways with a weak-thumbed man is forcing yourself not to communicate with him at all. While your intentions and willpower might be unbreakable after an afternoon bolt-of-lighting realization, it’s easy to second guess yourself after your third beer at happy hour. It’s easy to convince yourself that it’d be a good idea to send one more text—just to see what happens.

And, like we said before, he might respond. And you might be more likely to give that response more weight than it deserves.

Or he might ignore you. And then you’ll have to add one more point to his score, and take one step back on the path to getting over him.

So how can you avoid all of these pitfalls?

Delete his number.

That’s right: remove any trace of his existence from your phone. Delete old texts, e-mails, and any other traces of his contact info that might tempt you to get back in touch with him.

If you don’t have his number, you can’t drunk dial him.

And if he tries to contact you, the few minutes it takes you to figure out who that number belongs to will remind you why you deleted his number. And it’ll be easier to take everything he says with a grain of salt.