But they’re often hard pressed to explain the rationale behind this age-old adage.
There’s the obvious if-a-guy’s-looking-to-pick-up-girls-in-a-bar,-he’s-probably-not-looking-to-date-them argument, but it rarely feels like you’re being picked up (because when a guy starts dropping lines, you start making the secret come-save-me signal to your friends).
There’s also the added difficulty of making a good first impression when you’re drunk. One (or both) of you is going to end up looking like an idiot.
And there’s definitely a social stigma against meeting guys in bars. Drinking establishments are acceptable places to meet one-night stands, but if it’s anything more, how are you going to explain it to the kids? (See yesterday's post for an answer.)
But this weekend showed us, not the downsides to meeting guys in bars, but the advantages to meeting them elsewhere.
We went skiing with a group of girls, and we met up with a group of guys that we kinda, sorta knew.
These guys all ended up being perfectly dateable. At first we thought this was a weird coincidence, but then we realized that these guys had all gotten up at 8 a.m. to make it to the mountain by 10. Which means they probably hadn’t gone out the night before. Which means they thought some things were more important than drinking. They had also opted to spend money on recreational activities that didn’t involve killing brain cells. Which means they have interesting/enriching interests and hobbies. And finally, they had at least one thing in common with all the girls there: they enjoyed skiing.
When you meet a guy at a bar, the only thing you know, with absolute certainty, is that he enjoys drinking. He can tell you that he’s a lawyer, and makes a ton of money, and loves going sailing on the weekends, but he’s still choosing to spend his Friday night at a bar.
Which is fine. But when you meet someone, say, skiing, they’ve already been vetted in the ways we outlined above. You already know, going into things, that you share certain interests.
When you meet someone at a bar, the only thing you have in common is the fact that you both enjoying drinking.
A relationship founded on a bond forged by alcohol probably won’t be as successful as one based on a shared love of Wes Anderson movies.
So while going to bars might not be the worst way you can go about meeting guys, it probably isn’t the best either.