Blind Date Tips

Blind dates fromagainst who you really are. Keep an open mind and stay relaxed. If you end up going on more than one date with this person or develop a relationship with them, the truth will eventually come out. It makes no sense to try to fake it, because when she does get to know the real you, she will be upset for having pretended from the get go.

Don`t force it: While you may feel like you and your date have everything in common and will hit it off, sometimes that just doesn`t happen and there`s nothing you can do about it. Go with the flow and let whatever happens happen. Just focus on having a good times and being yourself, without trying to force the date to become something it isn`t. If you and your blind date don`t hit it off, don`t stress and attribute it to your looks. Some people click and some just don`t. There are plenty of people out there that you will click with, so it`s important to keep a good attitude about it and to keep dating!

How to Give a Great Handjob

The handjob is the oft-undervalued cousin of the blowjob, which, as we’ve discussed in a previous post, is not complete without a well-lubricated handjob.

Most women don’t give enough handjobs. When the going gets soft, most girls are apt to reach for the problem with their mouths, and when it’s time for the warm up, we give what we want to receive.

But a well-placed handjob can be just as good, if not better, than a blowjob—mainly because both parties are more apt to be really into it. Your hands last a lot longer than your mouth, and you don’t have to worry about gagging.

Handjobs are great for couples that like to spice things up in more public places. Pull him into a bathroom or an alley and give him a taste of what’s going to happen when he gets back to your place. But they’re also great for foreplay, waking him up on a Saturday morning, or getting him to run out and get you Chipotle.

The best handjobs come from the women who give them for a living—happy-ending masseuses. (They have, after all, had the most practice.) We surveyed the men we met on our vacation to figure out what they’re doing right—and what you might be missing.

1. Lubrication. We can’t stress this enough. Use saliva, lube, lotion—whatever you can to grease your palms. The point of handjobs (and blowjobs) is to recreate the sensations of a warm, wet vagina, and dry hands will only hold you back in that department. The more lube, the better.

2. Consistency. A classic handjob mistake is rushing out of the gate. When you start pumping at 50 mph, you’re going to lose momentum after a few minutes. When you’re giving a handjob, you never want to loose speed. It’s a huge letdown for the guy, and if you have to stop, you’re basically restarting from scratch. It’s better to start slow and gradually accelerate. You actually don’t need to speed up until he’s about to come—it’s more important to maintain a consistent speed throughout. So start with something you can sustain, and amp it up at the end.

3. Firm grip. Your grip should be as tight as possible while still allowing you to move up and down the shaft. Squeeze his penis extra hard at the bottom. You’re creating a seal, and it should be as tight as possible. Don’t worry about hurting him—if it’s too much, he’ll tell you.

4. Build up to it. If you go straight into it, it won’t be as rewarding as if you create anticipation. For most guys, the inner thighs are particularly sensitive. Trace the inside of his legs with your tongue or fingers. Gently stroke the balls and taint. Don’t go on for too long, but the more you keep him guessing, the better.

5. Do things he can’t do to himself. Push his balls up between his shaft—take his balls in the heel of your palm with the tips of your fingers facing up. Gently push upwards so that his balls straddle his penis. Stroke his balls with the tips of your fingers. Rotate your grip so that your fingers are on the front of his shaft. Cup your hand and place it over the head of his penis so that when you’re thrusting up, it hits your palm—it recreates the sensation of hitting the tightest, deepest part of your vagina.

6. Aim carefully. Most guys don’t enjoy coming all over themselves, so when he’s about to blow, aim out. Don’t let him come all over his stomach, and minimize the amount of semen on his body. If you’re into it, tell him to come on your face—it’s not as bad as it sounds, it’s pretty easy to clean up, and it’ll be a huge turn-on for him.

Redefining Sex

There is once again another survey showing that more and more people do not consider oral sex to be sex.

Out of all the respondents, 98 % said that penis/vagina intercourse counted as sex and 78% said penis/anus intercourse counted as sex. But, only 2 % said that oral contact was considered sex.

One factor adding to this theory is that we have a cultural definition that sex is intercourse and everything else is foreplay. Even the term alone assumes that it is something before the main event.

Another factor is the history of saying that sex is how you make babies. Therefore, the younger generation has it imprinted in there minds that everything else isn`t sex.

We`re also still caught up in the notions of female virginity and that a virgin is someone who has not yet had intercourse. It is constantly reinforced that anything else doesn`t count as sex.

There is also a element of heterosexism that is involved. What I mean by this is that because sex is always referred to as penis/vaginal penetration, if there is not one of each of these, then some people think that it`s not intercourse. Some people think they are keeping their virginity by having anal sex instead of vaginal.

The reason that this poses a problem is because the younger generation is growing up thinking that oral and anal sex is not sex. Therefore things like pregnancy and STDS is not a risk, when really, they are. This is what will lead to the passing of certain STDS and it can really cause a problem for a lot of people.

What to Wear

Nothing adds to the stress of a first date like the pressure to pick out the perfect outfit.

And when your roommate’s out of town, who’s going to help you comb through your closet without inducing a nervous breakdown?

You might remember last year’s advice on what to wear on a first date .The author just launched his own fashion blog http://withasartorialmind.tumblr.com/, and even those of us who’ve sworn off shopping until we get a raise can learn a thing or two.

With a Sartorial Mind has tips on building your wardrobe, which isn’t necessarily our favorite hobby, but it does kind of make sense.

Think about this: how many times have you freaked out the night before a date and rushed to Forever 21 to buy a dress, and the minute you take the tags off you realize you’ve made a terrible mistake?

A recent post discusses the virtue of saving up for a killer pair of heels that you can keep for five years. Because we all know, for every one great pair of shoes you find at DSW, five more get banished to the bottom of your closet because you can’t walk in them without falling over.

There’s a whole smorgasbord of info, including recipes, and while this blog is still in its infancy, we definitely recommend that you check it out.

Choosing The Right Profile Photo

We`ve all seen it time and time again. Your friend posts a picture as their profile photo on a popular social network or free dating site. You know they think they are exuding sex with their face, but all you can see is a sourpuss. People are starting to learn now that your profile photo is very essential and important to how you want others to see you. You have to remember you have friends, family and co-workers who can see you online and you need to pick an appropriate photo that represents you the most.

In order to do that, here are a few helpful guidelines:

Head Shot: The best profile photo anybody can put up is a head shot photo. It should be the real you and a picture of your favorite television show. Also, make sure it`s current and not from your woo girl days or high school years.

Keep it Simple: Don`t pile on the make up or spray tans! Lose the hats and anything else that draws attention from your face.

Only You: A profile picture should have only you in it. Don`t post pictures with friends, past lovers or family. You picture should only represent you.

No Nudity: You`d be stupid to show off being naked online. Just plain stupid.

Smile: The best pictures always involve your smiles. Show off your pearly whites and let people see the best face you have to offer them!

You always find something when you’re not looking

When people are in the mood to dish out dating advice, many love to say, “You always find something when you’re not looking.”

The implication is that relationships only come along when you’re so frustrated that you stop looking, like the universe is taking pity on you or something. And the “advice,” if it can even be called that, is what—to stop looking for a relationship?

This relationship platitude is kind of like saying, “When you lose something, it’s always in the last place you look.” It sounds right until you think about it for .2 milliseconds, and then you realize this gives you nothing and you’d be better off burying a statue of Saint Francis upside-down in the backyard.

“You always find something when you’re not looking” also has some ring of truth to it—you’re more likely to find a relationship when you’re not spending 12 hours a day on match.com—but it’s not because you’ve stopped looking.

The people who seem most attractive to members of the opposite (or same) sex are those who seem happy, well-adjusted, confident, and, most important—busy. When someone seems like she has a full and exciting life, other people want to be part of it.

When you “stop looking” (which we would translate as “stop looking desperate”), you’re sending these kinds of signals. Your life seems so cool and interesting that you’re not going to drop everything to look for a boyfriend, and that’s precisely why guys are going to want to be yours.

So the trick isn’t to stop looking; it’s to make it seem as though you’re not looking. To project a persona that seems too awesome to settle for just anyone, and to market your life as something that everyone should want.

This means not skipping your yoga class for a date with a guy you met at Russia House. It means not showing up for singles mixers (do they even exist anymore?) and not begging your friends to set you up.

It means building a life that’s totally fulfilling without a better half. And when one comes along, it means making sure he knows he’s not the center of your universe.

Side note: we’re doing some transpacific traveling from now until the new year, so apologies in advance if we’re not posting as much as you’d like. We’ll be back to our regular schedule as soon as we recover from our NYE hangovers.

How To Find a Thanksgiving Date Online

Gobble Gobble! It`s that time of year again! Thanksgiving is supposed to be a joyous occasion. However, if you are single it can be a very stressful time considering you have to answer to all your relatives as to why you are not dating anyone when they think you should be married with children.

Well if you are single, you no longer have to pray that the Tryptophan from the turkey will knock any of your relatives out before they ask about your love life when you can easily find a member of the opposite sex online to bring to your annual Thanksgiving dinner.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner and with the comes a few opportunities to provide a few context openers with your opening emails.

When you`re chatting online on your favorite free dating site, talking about holidays are the number one conversation starters online.

So if you`re looking for a Thanksgiving date, strike up a chat session by making a casual joke about something that happened during Thanksgiving involving a family member. We all have unbelievable anecdotes that would are also guaranteed crowd pleasers. Keep your opener short and to the point. Your goal is to be funny, flirty and entertaining and not to come across as the sad, desperate soul who is willing to share their family stories with complete strangers.

For example, why not start off by saying:

"So I don`t know what`s crazier, my Aunt Julie at the Thanksgiving table or this website."

You can then follow this up by telling a joke about that family member–then lead that to a crazy email you received from another member on the site. This will let your potential date know that you are funny, easy-going and similar to them because they have probably had crazy experiences on the site you are frequenting.

Context openers are always valuable when meeting people online–especially during the holidays. So, take advantage of this tactic when looking for a Thanksgiving date. It`s still not too late!

News Roundup: Condom Etiquette

We realize we’re a little late on this one, but one of our readers sent this article last week:

Carrying three or more condoms in Washington, D.C. isn’t a sign that you’re a responsible adult who has a big night ahead of you, instead it could mean you’re a prostitute. Police in D.C. are setting up “Prostitution Free Zones,” in which officers can arrest anyone they suspect of being a sex worker. And the police have been accused of using the number of condoms a person has in their possession as an indication of their intent to sell sex. While this law can be a nuisance to people who aren’t in the sex trade (condoms are often sold in packs of three), it really is dangerous to sex workers because it forces them to abandon safe sex practices, which puts their health and that of the public at risk. D.C. has HIV/AIDS rates greater than a severe epidemic. And this law will make matters worse because prostitutes, who are often controlled by pimps, will be further criminalized and won’t seek medical attention for fear of being arrested. Sadly, this practice has also been adopted by police in San Francisco and New York City.

We personally find this law appalling on moral grounds, it does bring up something else we’d like to mention: condom etiquette.

Nothing quite spoils the mood like a guy who reaches into his pocket three minutes into a heavy makeout sesh and says, “I have a condom.”

It makes the guy seem cocky and presumptuous. It makes the girl wonder how often he does this. And, above all, it makes the condom-carrier seem like an inexperience and unskilled lover, because he’s implying that he wants to hit a home run by making a u-turn at first base (thereby bypassing second and third).

If you’re going out with a girl who’s not your girlfriend, don’t carry around condoms. Period.

We certainly advocate using a condom every time you have sex. But most people (girls and guys) keep a stash in their “secret drawer” in the nightstand. While we like that people are taking the initiative when it comes to their reproductive health, you don’t have to carry around condoms to practice safe sex.

Once we hit a certain age (i.e., 20ish), the urge to have sex isn’t so overpowering that we can’t stop ourselves because no one has protection.

If your potential partner doesn’t have a condom in his/her drawer, you can wait until next time.

The only time you should have condoms in your pocket is when you’re on the prowl for a one-night stand.

When He Can't Get It Up

Sex with a new partner can nerve-wracking, intimidating, awkward, and sometimes flat-out awful.

You’re nervous and excited, and both of your expectations are based on completely different sexual pasts. Maybe he thinks sex should always start with a male strip-tease, and you want it to end with oral sex.

Suffice it to say that there’s a high potential for a first-time hookup to not be the best you’re ever had.

But what happens when he can’t sustain (or even achieve) an erection?

This can be very upsetting the first time it happens. You wonder if it’s you, you wonder if it’s him, but mostly you wonder if there’s a fast-forward button you can press to get the hell out of this situation.

Maybe it happens again the second or third time you try, and now you start really wondering what’s going on.

Let’s start with the basics. We know Jennifer Anniston’s character on Friends begs to differ, but it really is normal and it really does happen to most guys, at least once in a while.

But Trey was totally normal and good-looking and if he had erectile dysfunction, gulp, couldn’t this guy too?

Probably not. You wouldn’t initiate sex on your period without warning the guy ahead of time, right? In the same way, a guy with ED probably isn’t going to jump into bed after a few dates and hope for the best.

A man suffering from erectile dysfunction most likely a) knows he has a problem and b) has come up with a few ways of dealing with it, none of which include trying to have sex with a girl he just met and not telling her about it.

So if it’s not physiological, what it is?

More often than not, it’s nerves, alcohol, or some combination of the two. Some guys are shyer than you’d think, others feel pressure to perform, and all should be aware of the whiskey-dick phenomenon, but some seem to delude themselves into illusions of immunity.

The best cure and prevention is comfort, and the more you provide him, the better his better half should perform.

If it happens, don’t make a big deal about it. This should be a no-brainer, but brains sometimes have the annoying habit of turning off when we’re thrown into awkward situations.

Don’t point it out. Don’t ask questions completely unrelated to the task at hand (e.g., has this ever happened before?). In fact, don’t ask questions at all—chances are, if there were something you could do, he’d do it himself, and asking just draws attention to the issue.

Try going down on him for a while. Be gentle, focus on the balls, and be sure to intersperse well-lubricated hand jobs.

But if that’s not working, and he can’t fix it himself, it’s time to abandon ship. To let him off with his ego intact, ask him to go down on you.

Here’s how it works: you’ve tried with your mouth, your hands, his hands, and the heart monitor’s still a straight line. Don’t say, “It’s OK!” or “Let’s try later.” Instead, put on your best coy expression and say, “Will you go down on me?”

And make sure you get really into it.

This will make him feel sexually desired and, more importantly, fulfilling, which might actually help him get hard, if not now, for sure next time.

Make sure to stroke his ego during and after. If you were able to get a glimpse of the ship with full sails, compliment him on his size. But not in a, “I’ve seen them all and even I’m impressed,” kind of way, more in a, “Wow, I must be super inexperienced because that seemed huge.”

If you didn’t get a sense of the size, tell him what a great kisser he was, how good he made you feel, whatever.

The more sexual experience you feign (or admit to) with a guy who’s having trouble performing, the worse it’ll be for both of you. He’s already intimidated, he doesn’t want to be reminded that other guys have rocked your world before him. You want him to feel like he’s the expert, the one who knows what he’s doing,

Channel your inner girl-next-door. That doesn’t mean you have to lie about your past or pretend you’re a virgin, but don’t bring up sex outside of the act itself, and don’t leave your strap-on lying around.

The goal is to make him feel safe and comfortable—not to reassure him. The line between reassurance and pity is pretty thin, and it’s better for him to feel like you didn’t even realize something was wrong.

But give him another chance. Chances are, it’s not you and it’s not him—it’s normal beginning-of-the-relationship jitters, and it will disappear when you guys get to know each other better.

Confidence

This weekend, we found ourselves having a conversation with a group of guys about what makes a girl a “fly hunny.”

The unanimous answer, was, unsurprisingly, confidence. But how, we asked, does one project confidence in a bar?

If we could find guys with the answer to this question, we’d be rich. But our male friends did offer a few insights and it all boils down to what not to project and how to react.

What Not to Project

The guys had a hard time coming up with examples of the type of behavior they’re looking for, but they were quick to name one woman they found totally unappealing, and the answer didn’t surprise us: Paris Hilton.

But these guys weren’t turned off for the reasons you might expect (e.g., slutty outfits, number of past partners). They didn’t like the drama, and they weren’t interested in someone who seemed so desperate for attention.

“A girl should act like she has her shit together,” one guy added.

Most of us remember the SNL Drunk Girl character, the hard-partying college chick whose inebriation made her insanely unattractive. In a way, NBC was creating a public service announcement for teenage girls across the country. Society tells us that underage drinking is cool—the more you drink, the cooler you look. But what makes us look cool doesn’t always make us look sexy, and in this case, it has the opposite effect.

Paris Hilton and other socialites are just as easy to market to young women. Magazines, TV shows, and other societal forces praise them for their emaciated figures, their six-digit dresses, and their lives of leisure. And while most of us probably think that Paris Hilton is a complete joke, that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t kill for her body.

Then these women get these reality TV shows. We watch them start fights in bars and immerse themselves in neat 30-minute packages of drama. And while we mock these women in public, we privately wonder how they manage to get these guys, bank accounts, and, well, lives.

And so maybe without meaning to, we start to emulate them. It’s hard to grow up in this country and not strive for some degree of fame (even if we’d never admit it). If being on TV is the ultimate sign that you’ve made it, MTV is telling us that more you embrace dumbness and drama, the greater your chances of fame.

And so we roll into bars and screech when we see someone we know. We air all our dirty laundry—as loudly as we can—because that’s what everyone does on TV. We start talking about what shitshows we were last weekend or how we can’t even go to our kickball games anymore because we made out with too many guys on our team.

This isn’t confidence—it’s a cry for attention. And it’s not attractive to guys.

How to React

“The hottest girls don’t put up with any bullshit,” one of our friends explained. If a guy grabs your ass, don’t just giggle and tell your friends what happened (“Ohmygod, that guy just totally grabbed my ass”). Don’t scream and cause a lot of drama either. Turn around, put on your most serious face, and say, “Don’t do that.” Don’t start a fight—if he tries to engage you, ignore him.

Same goes for if a guy comes up to you and starts talking to you. Out of nowhere. With no segue. That’s not to say that you can’t talk to guys in bars, but when guys come up to you and drop a line, don’t fall for it. Ignore him or politely explain that you’re in the middle of another conversation.

Side note: The rest of the week is guys’ week on Date the District. We’ll have articles/advice more geared towards the men who read this blog. You know who you are.

What Not to Wear (To a Bar)

Spring has officially hit DC: bars are packed for happy hour, tourists have taken over the Metro and bought up all the fanny packs inside the beltway, and people are finally going out again.

All the eligible bachelors spent the winter hibernating, and if you’re single, you’re probably more than ready for a summer fling.

While we don’t advocate meeting guys in bars (mainly because the only thing you’re guaranteed to have in common with a guy you meet at a bar is a taste for alcohol, and as the night progresses, the normal guys tend to go home, leaving you surrounded by raging frat boys), it’s bound to happen in the warmer months, and we definitely approve of getting free drinks.

In an ideal world, we’d all bring books to bars, and our fellow DFW-enthusiasts would approach us to ask us what we were writing in the margins of

Infinite Jest.

But in the real world, your appearance is the only first impression you get. You don’t have much control over the shape of your nose or the size of your boobs (excluding surgery), but you do have control over one thing: your outfit.

If you were to ask the average girl to name a female fashion icon, she’d likely name some obscure designer or trendy celebrity. If you were to ask a guy, he’d say Scarlett Johansson in a bikini.

Fashion is totally lost on most straight males, which is too bad, because most girls dress to attract a mate (though these intentions might not always be conscious).

You might think your cape is cutting edge, but the average guy (especially in DC), probably finds it weird and intimidating.

Here are a few other trends you might want to modify for a night at McFadden’s.

1. Long, shapeless dresses. If you’re 6’2” and 120 pounds, go for it. If you’re not, beware: these dresses tend to make you look shorter and rounder than you really are.

2. Tons of layers. Trendy layers (vests, etc.) can also add bulk if they’re not applied correctly. If you’re adding layers for the sake of layers (i.e., to look more hipster), it’s usually pretty obvious.

3. Boxy shirts/dresses. Same as number 1: adds unnecessary bulk. If it’s well made and paired with the right pair of jeans, it might work, but if it’s from Forever 21, it’s probably doing more harm than good.

4. Short skirts/dresses and bare legs. Almost everyone has cellulite on their upper thighs—why show it off? Throw on a pair of leggings or some black tights—they’re slimming (and less skanky), and they eliminate the need for tanning.

5. Forehead headbands. Let’s be real: on face value, these things just look silly. They’re too ubiquitous to make any sort of statement (unless your statement is, I want to marry Free People/Urban Outfitters), and they’re definitely not guy magnets.

How To Avoid Drama Online

The more and more ways we are able to communicate and have online chat sessions with friends and lovers on social media networks and instant messengers, the more drama we tend to invite into our lives. With Facebook, Google+ and Twitter pulling at our heart strings and our overly needy or sensitive friends and significant others constantly jumping to horrible conclusions, how we can avoid becoming drama queens and kings ourselves?

Let`s face it: life is always more interesting when drama and gossip is going around. However, what would it be like with no drama online? We would never be lost in translation, over analyzing tweets and IMs, etc.

Although it is hard to avoid drama online, there are ways of eliminating it for yourself and your well-being.

Never Encourage Drama in the First Place-Sure, a little gossip can brighten up your day. If it didn`t, we wouldn`t care about celebrities so much. It`s best to control your gossiping and to not blow things out of proportion.

Avoid Drama Whenever You Can- Never put your personal dramas and relationship woes online for all to see. Believe me, it will bite you in the ass sooner or later.

Do Not Participate in Drama- Do not gossip about your friends or your lovers over group BBM sessions with people. Especially don`t join in when the drama does not involve you, because sooner or later, it will.

It`s not as hard as you think it is to diffuse these dramatic problems from your personal and online life. Focus on what matters in your world and you will do just fine.

Survey the District: My Friend and I Want the Same Guy

Dear Date the District,

So I had a friend from out of town visit, she met one of my best guy friends, and they actually ended up hooking up one night drunk at a bar (all they did was kiss, and just on the dancefloor).  She left town the next day, and other than maybe a couple facebook messages back and forth the week after the hookup, that's all the communication they had.  She then returned to town a few months later, hoping to see this guy.  However, this guy was not interested in her because he told me so (and told me to keep her away from him so that kind of situation didn't happen again).  They both got drunk though and initiated another makeout at the bar (him actually trying to stop her, but her being forceful about kissing him) but that's it again.  This time, they didn't talk at all after she left town, as well as him saying he can't believe that he madeout with her again.  Fast forward a couple weeks later, and me and my guy friend are just hanging out on the weekend like we always do, but this time (we're both drunk) we started holding hands at the party, and ended up kissing (I asked him hold my hand that so this sketchy guy would stop hitting on me, but the kiss just happened).  He then asked me if I wanted to go back to his place, but I told him that it would be awkward and I went home myself.  Although we both do agree that it was bound to happen, there's definitely been some tension for some time.  For the rest of the week, we thought the situation that night was funny, and all of our friends thought it was cute.  We act as if nothing has changed.  The very next weekend, though, we ended up having sleepovers both Friday and Saturday nights, and got dinner and brunch double-date style with another couple (I paid my own share though, since the other couple was also splitting).  And now it's to the point where we talk even more than we used to, so it's literally all day over gchat and all that.  So at this point, I realize I may like him as more than just a friend, but am not 100% sure yet if I want to date him, but I could see it happening.  So my question is (remember, this is still at the point where I'm not sure what will happen, and I'm not expecting anything) if something DOES happen in the future, how should I tell my friend (who actually is interested in him) about it?  She's from out of town and doesn't visit that much at all, and they don't keep in touch or anything.  In fact, whenever she comes up, my friend always says he can't believe he made out with her another time.

OK, so maybe we could have edited down this intro.

The most important thing is, your friend got there first (and the fact that he kept telling you that he can’t believe he made out with her is, frankly, probably not something you should be harping on so much if she’s a good friend).

If you exist, you’ve probably been in at least one situation where you and a friend both like the same guy.

And it almost always comes down to one decision: who’s more important to you—the girl, or the guy?

In this situation, it sounds like the guy is a close friend and the girl is just a friend, so maybe it’s a pretty easy decision.

We know about a million bumper stickers and back-in-the-day AIM profiles would encourage you to put chicks before dicks, but anatomy has nothing to do with it. While putting speculative love interests before friends is probably going to make you lose more than you gain, most 20-somethings have more acquaintances than they know what to do with (for proof, look no further than the name game).

With close friends, it’s different—if you think about it, every romantic relationship in your life except one (or maybe two or three) is bound to fail, so why ruin a friendship when there’s a pretty good chance this guy isn’t the one?

And if this girl were just a friend and the guy were just her ex-boyfriend that you’d only met a few times, it’s also probably not worth the risk. In general, girls are far less likely to forgive and forget, and you’re basically gambling away a friendship that won’t be there to support you if (but probably when) things don’t work out.

But when you know the guy, and you’ve developed a friendship, and you have a sense of what kind of person he is/what kind of boyfriend he’d be, it’s a different story. The problem is, it’s probably much easier to overvalue your friendship with the guy (and downplay your relationship with the girl) when you’re excited about someone new.

You really need to think about this objectively (and probably enlist the help of a close friend with first-hand knowledge of your relationships with both parties). But the if girl’s more of a wall-post buddy and the guy’s on your speed dial, the potential payoff might be worth the risk.

Still, if you are going to go for it, you need to accept the fact that there’s a good chance this friendship is over. It’s less about your girl friend being selfish and more about the humiliation of being rejected by a guy and then having him choose the friend you confided in.

If she doesn’t care, great, but you need to be prepared for the worst-case scenario and not resent her for it/talk shit about her behind her back.

That doesn’t mean you should disregard her feelings when you tell her. Wait until there is actually something to tell her (no sense confessing in a few makeouts if you both decide it’s not going to work out a few weeks later). But if you start dating, she deserves to be the first to know, and you owe her a phone call/in-person explanation.

Say something like, “Look, I’m in a really shitty position right now, and I wanted you to hear it from me first. John and I realized we both have feelings for each other, and we’re going to start dating. I don’t really know what to say, except that I’m really sorry—I know you guys had a thing, and trust me when I say that I wouldn’t do this to you unless I really thought John was the one.”

Do not mention the fact that he regretted making out with her. Don’t reassure her that he didn’t like her anyway. Don’t excuse your behavior or put her down in any way—just apologize. Grovel. Do whatever you can to make her feel better.

Don’t let on that you had inside information on the situation from both ends—don’t say anything like, “John feels awful too—he just didn’t want to get involved with someone from out of town.” She’ll feel even shittier if she knows you both talked about their fling. Don’t ask John to get involved either (i.e., Facebook message blaming it on the out-of-town thing). This is between you and her, and if you want to salvage your relationship, you need to keep it that way.

Yes, it’s a hard convo, and yes, it’s a little bit awkward, but it’s really the best course of action in a shitty situation. If she hears about it from someone else first, or, even worse, if she sees something on Facebook, she’s going to feel even worse.

There’s a flip side to this. You may find yourself the friend in this scenario sometime in the future. Remember how shitty you felt about this, and remember that it wasn’t about her, and maybe you can find it in yourself not to hold a grudge—or, at the very least, not to forward those incriminating photos to her would-be boyfriend.

Hardcore Youth

When most people log onto the XXX personals for the first time, they usually do not quite know what to expect at first. After all, it is a fairly recent phenomenon and a lot of people are still getting their feet wet in the scene. But one would probably expect to see men and women of a certain age on these sites. Mid twenties at least, but more so in their thirties and forties, people who are experienced with sex and are after more explicit adventures. So it is often striking to many people to see how young so many people are on the XXX personals. They look like kids. They practically are kids, actually.

For many youth people today, all they know is the internet world. Their whole lives have been ruled by the world wide web and its gradual total breaking down of sexual taboos. Nothing shocks these kids and nothing seems particularly off limits to them like it would have to earlier generations. As soon as they turn eighteen and can legally sign on to many of these sites, they are totally on there. They are often still in their senior year of high school. For sure a lot of college students roam the XXX personals. And these younger folks often can teach older people a thing or four about sexuality, to boot.

Younger people today are rather blase about hookups on the internet. They are often horny and just seeking some quick sex. It is often the older people who come onto the XXX personals more emotionally needy. Striking a match between these younger kids and older folks in their thirties and forties is often one of the hotter scenarios on these sites. The disparity in age always makes for a good time on both ends. So do not be so stunned the next time you spy someone on the XXX personals who looks too young to shave. They are barely legal but very dirty minded.

Missed Connection of the Day

We almost didn't post this. Almost.

You farted in Trader Joe's - m4w (Rockville, MD)

You were the tall brunette with the near perfect body that farted in the bread section last night. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, "Was that you?" You quickly replied "No...Wasn't me!" You almost seemed insulted I would ask. As the stink grew you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving 2 loafs of Ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful and even if you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I'd love to meet up sometime. Call me Eric M.

Survey the District: How to Enjoy Oral Sex

Dear Date the District,

I find that I am one of the only ones of my friends who does not thoroughly enjoy receiving it. The only thing that goes through my mind is "Wow, vaginas must be so incredibly disgusting. I feel bad that he's doing this." And of course, every girl's worst nightmare is being the girl with the smelly vag and not knowing it (I have a lot of guy friends, and they would include me in conversations about girls they've slept with and go into incredible detail about such things). I also hear from guy friends that they do not equate eating a girl out to receiving head, even though both are oral sex. Is it something you shouldn't expect to get until you're in a relationship (versus guys who get blowjobs from just about anyone)?

The first thing you should know is, most guys do enjoy going down on girls.

They might talk about smelly vags in front of their guy friends, but they’ll also lie about things like enjoying The Notebook in front of their peers.

Guys like watching you get off. They like watching you get horny and turned on, and they like doing things that’ll make you more enthusiastic about sex. Oral sex might not be every guy’s favorite pastime, but, in general, guys like giving oral sex a lot more than girls do.

If you’re really worried about smell, though, one of our friends swears by vaginal wipes. It sounds weird, but you can buy them at most drugstores and keep a few in your purse. When things seem like they’re headed in that direction, excuse yourself to the bathroom and freshen up. You don’t want to do this right before he goes down on you (you don’t want to taste like hand sanitizer), but if you use one in advance of the main event, you won’t be so worried about how you taste.

Shaving/waxing your pubic hair also goes a long way in the taste/smell/general appeal department. A hairless vagina looks, smells, and tastes cleaner, and it’s easier for guys to navigate.

But we bring up this vaginal maintenance, not for the sake of the guy, but for you. Because the first thing you need to do to be able to enjoy oral sex is relax. If you’re worried about grossing him out, you definitely won’t be able to enjoy yourself. So if grooming relieves some of these stresses, go for it.

Stop worrying about how he’s feeling, and instead focus on relaxing and turning yourself on. Think of it this way: penises aren’t always the cleanest/most beautiful organs, but that never stops girls from putting them in their mouths. It’s the same for guys.

Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and visualize something that arouses you. If you know how to get off with your fingers, get him to replicate those movements with this tongue. It’s not going to be exactly the same, so make sure to give him plenty of direction.

Be patient. It might take you a while to get used to the sensation, and it might take even longer for you to be able to enjoy it. Experiment with different angles/techniques. Sometimes if you put a pillow under your butt, the guy has better access to your sensitive spots. And oral sex is usually more effective when the guy spends a lot of time building up to it—kissing your inner thighs, teasing you, etc. But a lot of it’s going to involve working together—see Tuesday's post for more info.

On to the final part of your question: the guys who don’t equate going down on girls to receiving head are lazy. I’m sure we’d all love to get oral sex without giving it. But the fact is, oral sex is oral sex, no matter which gender it’s performed on.

It’s up to you to decide when you’re ready to initiate oral sex. But if you’re going down on a guy, he should be returning the favor—no matter what “stage” you’re at in the relationship.

Flirting Can Be More Than Just Fun

We all have our own flirting techniques and according to a new study, success in romance depends in part on understanding your own person "flirting style" Whether or not you prefer sliding up to a stranger in a bar to online chat or you`d rather just sit back and wait for an object of attraction to approach are both distinctions that can help you control and maintain your future relationships.

Jeffrey Hall from the University of Kansas recently conducted a survey regarding styles of flirting among 5,100 dating adults.

"Knowing something about the way you communicate attraction says something about challenges you might have had in your past dating life," he says,"hopefully this awareness can help people avoid those mistakes and succeed in courtship."

Apparently there are five different styles of flirting: physical, traditional, polite, sincere and playful.

Physical: people express their interest in having sex with a potential partner and can often develop relationships, have more sexual chemistry, and a greater emotional connection to their partners.

Traditional: believe that men should make the first moves and women assume for passive roles.

Playful: these flirters are usually more concerned with boosting the own self esteem.

Hall says the early part of developing a relationship is important to the success of long term relationships, including marriages.

Follow Friday

We still don’t really get the point of “Follow Friday” on Twitter, but we did want to take today to share two cool dating blogs we found this week.

The first is a post from And That’s Why You’re Single, an interesting, if brutally honest, relationship blog that favors the question-and-answer format.

I have always been attracted to Caucasian men, considering I’m a black female it makes it harder for me to approach them or strike a conversation. My question is which would be the best places for me to hang out to increase my chances of meeting one, and are there any social gatherings for people with this interest in DC.

I don't know of specific organizations that cater to bi-racial dating. I do know certain speeddating events that offer Ethnicity X Female/White Male events. I rarely see any Ethnicity X Male/White Female Events. For some reason, the white male is "the get."

When I used to organize speeddating events for another company, I never liked the idea of planning these types of events. I felt it was feeding in to a fetish. I mean, I'm sorry, but there just felt something skeevy to me about hosting an Asian Female/Caucasian Male event. And I was always unsettled by men and women who who "only" dated men/women of a specific ethnicity other than their own. To some degree there seemed to be a level of stereotyping going on with that.

There's also quiet a bit of controversy amongst each individual race/ethnicity when it comes to dating outside that specific ethnicity. Many feel betrayed if someone chooses to date someone else outside of their race. But, again, my knowledge of this is limited and am anxious to hear what others who have experienced this have to say. My niece and nephew are bi-racial and I do wonder about when they get older and begin to date. Will they only date white men and women because that's what they are surrounded by? Is who we are attracted to based on our environment and what we know?

I'm also intrigued by this idea that people who don't date outside of their race are deemed racist. Is being attracted to a specific ethnicity racist?

I wonder if some women (caucasian and non-caucasian) who will only date caucasian men do so because they attach some level of status or accomplishment to such relationships. I don't find anything about the caucasian male that stands out or is "better." But then, I'm whitey white girl who grew up in a white town and have only dated white guys. So, of course I'm not going to find anything exotic or unique about them because I see them all the time.Plus, I've dated so many and seen/met some many that are less than stellar that I just don't get the appeal. But again. I'm white and I was born and raised here, so my understanding an experience is limited to my narrow little world view.

Here's what I think: I think white men are bigger Equal Opportunity Daters than white women. Meaning, white men are more open to dating women of other ethnicities than white women are. But that's just my opinion and certainly not fact. So, if you are attracted to caucasian men, I don't think you need to go to events specifically targeted events. I think you'd have the same success rate at any open/multi-racial event than you would a targeted social opportunity.

Here’s our take: For the most part, we don’t think you can help who you’re attracted to. But some people place restrictions on who they’ll date that are purely based on race and/or religion (i.e., only dating Jews, Catholics, blacks, whites, Asians, etc.).

If you grow up surrounded by people who all look a certain way, you’re probably more likely to develop a very specific definition of beauty that doesn’t have much range. Like when guys say that they’re only attracted to blondes.

We definitely think you’re limiting yourself if you’re only attracted to people of a specific race, but it can be hard to overcome deeply embedded social norms. But only being attracted to people of a specific race and only wanting to date people of a specific race are two different things—although we’re not going to fight that battle on this blog.

The religion thing is more perplexing. While we understand that some people want to raise their children a certain way (and would therefore not want to date someone who wants his children to have a different upbringing), the “I only date Catholics/Jews/Muslims/Episcopalians” starts years before anyone should be thinking about marriage (i.e., in high school).

The more restrictions you place on the “type” of person you’re willing to date, the harder it’s going to be to find some version of “The One.” And while these types of decisions are intensely personal, we hope that you do some serious thinking before you decide to exclude an entire group of people from your dating pool.

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Our second pick is a blog called Dating with Disabilities. It’s written by Melissa Blake, who, as the title suggests, is navigating the dating world with a visibly physical disability.

Ms. Blake, a freelance writer by trade, is quick to admit that she’s somewhat of a novice in the dating game. And while we didn’t always agree with her advice, we did appreciate her fresh and unique perspective on male/female interactions.

Her best posts chronicle her own dating adventures—mishaps and all—and what’s perhaps most fascinating is her positive outlook. Ms. Blake is looking for love, and she’s not as jaded about it as most 27-year-olds.

Ms. Blake throws rules out the window. She’s very against mind games and manipulation. That’s because she doesn’t operate on the date-as-many-guys-as-I-can-to-find-The-One, occasionally-randomly-hook-up-so-I-don’t-go-crazy schedule that the urban 20-something seems to fall into.

What we love most about “Dating with Disabilities” is when Ms. Blake describes the giddy, “I-can’t-believe-he’s-sitting-in-my-bed” feeling that we’d almost forgotten about. When you remove sex from the equation, it’s easier to remember why we’re doing this. It’s not to trick the best guy you can into sticking around, it’s to find someone who makes you feel like you’re thirteen again.

Using Fashion to Attract Men

We recently succumbed to a pretty innocuous impulse buy: blue nail polish.

We tried it out one week, and, to our surprise, almost every male we came in touch with—young, old, and ambiguously in between—commented on it.

We always assumed guys were oblivious when it came to things like cosmetics for fingernails, but men noticed it, literally (on one occasion) from across the room.

This struck us as strange—especially since we’ve posted before about men being turned off by funky fashions (like the foreheadband).

And when we worked up the nerve to ask the guys about it, they all shrugged their shoulders and responded with some variation on “I dunno. It’s cool.”

It turns out that subtle, slightly subversive accessories might be great conversation starters. It’s almost like men are attracted to shiny objects—they seem to be intrigued by things that jump out at them.

But we’re still not advocating trendy-for-the-sake-of-being-trendy pick-up outfits. In fact, the trendier it is, the less likely it is to catch a guy’s attention. They’ve seen forheadbands before. And they still look ridiculous.

But guys sometimes see blue nail polish, boyish narrow-brimmed hats, and other unexpected fashion statements as a sign of a hidden wild streak. And that’s exactly what guys fantasize about: a woman who comes off as cool and composed in public, but then really lets loose during sex (the lady in the street, freak in the bed).

Why Two Dates Aren't Always Better Than One

When two 20-somethings go on a first date, it’s probably safe to assume that one or both parties has other similar outings lined up for later in the week.

After all, the vast majority of first dates won’t work out, and you’d be crazy to cancel on that guy you met at kickball just because your friend’s cousin finally asked you out, and you’d be just as crazy to say no to the cousin just because you’ve been on two dates with the kickball guy, who, now that you think about it, is 27 and still interning on the hill.

There’s nothing morally reprehensible, or skanky, or even just icky about dating multiple people at the same time. There’s nothing wrong with giving a guy your number when you’ve been on a few great dates with a guy from OK Cupid.

If you put yourself out of commission any time a new guy comes up, you might give up a lot for a guy you could lose interest in after a few more dates.

It only becomes an issue after you hit that murky double-digit date mark where you don’t want to DTR, but you’re thinking this is headed toward exclusivity. You hope he’s not seeing anyone else, but you’re not sure, and the impulse to ask is getting harder and harder to ignore.

There are all kinds of ways to overcome this urge to launch into a “where-is-this-going” conversation, which, as we’ve discussed, is a bad idea.

But one of the worst solutions is filling up your free nights with more dates.

It’s not because it’s unfair to the guy or unladylike—it’s because it’s unhealthy for you.

When you’re seeing someone you like and filling your social calendar with guys who asked for your number, you’re using these dates as a way to protect yourself if it doesn’t work out with the guy you like.

Rejection stings each and every time it happens, but when you try to preemptively ease the pain by giving yourself more than enough backup options, what you’re really doing is curing rejection with validation from other people.

The problem with this remedy is that it makes you dependant on what other people think of you. You can’t be happy unless someone else likes you, which is a really inefficient way to find personal satisfaction/contentment. If you can’t feel good about yourself unless someone else is showering you with compliments, you’re going to waste so much time seeking out people who otherwise wouldn’t be worth it.

When your sense of self-worth relies on other people, you’re setting yourself up for unhappiness. People flake out for no reason and lose interest over things you can’t control. The more weight you put on their validation, the bigger the letdown.

When you deliberately line up other dates when things are going well with another guy, you’re also setting yourself up for bad dating habits.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t go out with a friend of a friend that you’ve met a few times, who seems really great, and who you think might be a better match than your current prospect.

But when you’re handing out your number to anyone who asks and getting drinks with guys who set off warning bells before they even ask you out, you’re establishing a pattern of behavior that sets relationships up to fail. You’re learning to keep your distance, sneak around behind someone’s back,  and stay as far away from monogamy as possible.

We should say that most women don’t have this problem—if anything, some could use a lesson in not getting attached at the drop of a hat.

But for the rest of us, successful relationships usually don’t come from keeping as many options on the table as possible.

And if you stop relying on other people to tell you how great you are, rejection won’t sting as much in the first place.

Projection

At some point, we all need to accept the fact that all’s fair in love and war.

Some girls don’t want to play games or engage in behavior that might seem manipulative. But if you’re the only one playing by the rules, you’re more likely to get hurt.

When you’re going out with a new guy, he probably doesn’t have your best interests at heart. And why should he? He doesn’t know you, and if people don’t look out for themselves in the dating world, no one else will.

And until a new guy gives you a reason not to, you have to make yourself your number one priority.

This brings us to today’s dating strategy: projection.

When you meet a new guy, you need to hold him to the highest standards, especially at the beginning. At the beginning, everyone’s trying to make a good impression. Which means that as the relationship progresses, his behavior is only going to get worse. If you’re seeing him at his best on the first date and he gets blackout before dessert, imagine what your third month anniversary will look like.

But sometimes guys don’t know better. Sometimes a genuinely nice guy will make a totally inappropriate comment about your best friend’s ass, because he’s nervous, or because he saw something on TV and thought he could pull it off.

You don’t have to blow him off after he makes the first mistake. But you do need to correct his behavior.

This is where projection comes in. Projection is, in its purest form, a nudge in the right direction. It’s a form of manipulation, but it manipulates a guy into treating you the way you deserve to be treated.

It works like this: When you’re interacting with a guy, you pretend that he does, in fact, have your best interests at heart. You pretend that he wants to date you, marry you, buy you a mansion in the suburbs and a brand new BMW.

But you don’t tell him any of this.

You keep it in the back of your head. And when he screws up, your reaction doesn’t stem from the fact that he’s being an asshole. Instead, you react as though you think he’s really trying to do what’s best for you, but his desires to please you have ultimately led him astray.

In short, you act like his motivations and intentions are pure, and while he’s trying to give you what he thinks you want, what you actually want differs from the image in his head.

Here’s an example: let’s say he makes plans to take you out for restaurant week. But the day of, he calls up, and, whoops, the restaurant lost the reservation. Do you want to just come over instead?

In reality, there probably never was a reservation. And he’s just trying to get you to come over and hook up. And if you react to that, you’re agreeing to play by those rules—even if you say no.

Instead, pretend that he genuinely is upset about the reservation being “canceled,” and he’s only inviting you over so that he doesn’t have to break plans with you. So your response looks something like, “Oh, bummer! That’s OK—we can just reschedule dinner for sometime next week.”

Let’s say he responds with a text that says, “Why don’t u wanna come over .” Now he’s clearly just looking for sex. But, again, pretend his motivations are virginal and pure. Pretend he’s worried that you’re mad at him. Your response needs to remove sex from the equation (which might mean throwing in a dash of emasculation). Say something like, “Aww, I wish I could, but I have plans .”

If you need a few more examples, check back tomorrow.

Projection doesn’t work when a guy is straight-up blowing you off. If he forgets to call or doesn’t show up for a happy hour he promised to go to, your best defense is silence. Don’t try to contact him, and ignore his first few texts.

But projection does work when his behavior’s just a little off. When he’s clearly making an effort, but his efforts might be more focused on sex than on dating you.

In Pysch 101, you learn that when you project a personality trait onto someone, they start to adopt that personality. So if you treat your coworker like she’s a bitch, she’s going to start acting like one.

We all look to the people around us for cues on how to act. It’s human nature. So if someone treats us like they think we’re a really nice person, we assume, “Oh, I must be nice,” and we act accordingly.

It’s the same for guys. If you treat a guy like you think he has your best intentions at heart, he’s going to assume that he does. And he’s going start acting like it’s all about you. And, at that point, what’s the difference?

News Roundup: Do Men with Accents Have an Edge in Dating?

The other week, an astute reader sent us a CNN piece called “Do Men with Accents Have an Edge in Dating?”

It took us a while to wrap our heads around this report (and also our office blocks streaming video), but we finally worked from home gave it some thought, and here’s what we came up with.

First of all, to answer the (obvious) question posed in the title, the answer is, duh. Any guy who finds himself outside of his region of birth will tell you he’s never had an easier time getting in girls’ pants. One of the guys CNN “interviewed” basically said just that: he explained that women on the street will just come up to him and say, “I’ve always wanted to be with an Aussie,” and if they’re lucky, they’ll get their wish.

But CNN redefined investigative journalism with this one: they went to a speed dating event open only to “men with accents and women who loved them.” (But there didn’t seem to be any men with Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc. accents.)

When the reporter asks the organizer if speed dating works she pauses and then says, “Of course! Because chemistry is instant.”

This has to be the dumbest justification for speed dating that we’ve ever heard. If we had to market speed dating, we’d focus on the fact that it’s hard to meet men. And when you do meet them, there’s always something wrong with them. If you can meet 10 men in 30 minutes, your chances of success increase.

The problem is that speed dating (like paid dating sites) tend to attract women who are desperate for a relationship and men who are all too happy to milk that desperation for a few easy blowjobs.

And this really comes out in these women. The reporter (who’s significantly less attractive than all of the women he interviews) jokingly tells one women, “OK, we’re dating.” Her response: “Where are you taking me tonight?” Followed by: “Are you married?”

A confident, self-assured woman would probably say something more along the lines of, “Well, we’ll see about that,” and then flash a playful smile so we’d know she was in on the joke.

But let’s get back to the title question, which the report makes no attempts to answer.

Men with accents know they have an edge in dating. When a group of British guys approach a group of American girls in a bar, they’ve done it a million times before, and they know what kind of reaction they’ll get. The girls will giggle and ask them to say certain phrases and generally throw themselves at these men, seemingly oblivious to the situation at hand.

If an Irish guy tells you he’s been here for three months (or even three days!), do you really think you’re the first one who’s noticed his accent?

When men with “sexy” accents approach you in bars, be wary.

But if we’re talking about dating, asking if men with accents have it easier is like asking if men with freckles have better relationships. Once you get past the accent, it has a lot more to do with the person.

Insight for Men: Electronic Communication

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Office Romance

A friend of ours works for a huge corporation that requires her to attend company-wide meetings every few months or so. She keeps meeting this guy there who works in a different office, and they’ve really hit it off.

She figures that, because they work at separate sites, it won’t be one of those things where they’re walking down the hall together and everyone starts gossiping as soon as they pass.

When work consumes three-quarters of your waking hours, it’s tempting to multitask. Why go on dates when you can meet one in the office?

We all know people who’ve had successful office flings. But we also probably know more people who’ve regretted the holiday party make-out. It may have worked for Jim and Pam, but remember what happened to Michael and Jan?

If the relationship goes sour, you’ll be left, in the best-case scenario, feeling a little awkward, and possibly worse. Breakups and relationship drama rarely make people respect either party, and if your coworkers are on the receiving end of any rants, it’s not going to reflect well on you.

He may be great at fixing your computer, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be a perfect boyfriend. Your chances of sustaining a successful relationship are probably no greater than they would be with a friend of a friend, and the foaf isn’t going to blab to your boss. So why take a huge risk for the same rate of return?

It’s hard in DC when happy hours and co-workers night out seem to be the norm, but there’s a huge difference between drinking with and dating your colleague.

That’s why, if you absolutely must, you have to start off as friends. And then become good friends. And then—and only then—are you ready to let him take you to Ray’s the Steaks.

You might be able to puke and rally in AdMo in front of your cubemate without worrying that the whole office will know about it on Monday, but chances are you two didn’t start off doing shots of tequila. You probably went to a few happy hours, exchanged phone numbers, started hanging out, really hit it off, and slowly built the sort of trust and mutual respect that means you can talk to her about leaving your job.

That’s a good litmus test for your potential coworkerboyfriend. If you trust him enough to talk about career ambitions beyond your current job, you’re on the right track.

Going back to our friend, this is why it’s actually probably a better idea to date guys in the same office. The Philadelphia office is only an e-mail away, which makes the distance less of a shield and more of a barrier.

What kind of relationship, realistically, develops between two people who live a few hundred miles apart? And getting to know each other beforehand is a lot harder if you can’t really hang out. You’re more likely to end up as a weekend bootycall road trip than the serious girlfriend.

There are plenty of guys that you don’t work with, which means there’s no reason to date the ones you do.

Is It Love Or Lust?

You’ve met someone great on an online personals site. The two of you really seem to be hitting it off and by each passing day, you are falling more and more in love. But, how do you know if it is truly love or if you feelings in the relationship are just a temporary attraction?

They said that in a lifetime, the average person falls in love at least four times, but let’s be honest, is it really love? Here is a list of signs to be aware of before you decide that the person you’re dating is the one:

1. Communication:
Being honest with each other in a relationship is probably the most important aspect in a relationship and it also allows for you to know the person for who he or she really is.

Good signs:
• You can easily talk about your life issues such as finances, things that frighten you and each other’s ambitions in life.
• You can argue and come to a compromise.
• You are open and honest about your feelings.

Warning Signs:
• You only know a few things about him and you’re afraid to ask him in depth questions about his life for the fear of rejection or the fear of what you might find out.
• You don’t discuss how you are feeling with each other and this leads to frustration which builds and then causes resentment.
• Neither of you if willing to forgive.

2. Love
A long lasting relationship cannot survive without love. So, you need to find out for yourself if it is actually love, or if it is just lust.

Good signs:
• If a crisis occurs, you stand by each other.
• You make sacrifices to make the other person happy.
• You are truthful and honest and you don’t keep secrets from each other.
• You are compatible in every way.
• You are friends and lovers.

After you’re done reading this and you realize that you either fit in the category where there are good signs, or bad signs, it will give you the tools to make some serious decisions about your relationship.

The Medicated Girl’s Guide to Getting Down

A friend of ours recently came down with a sinus infection, and her doctor put her on antibiotics.

Two days later, she was nursing a Diet Coke at happy hour and complaining about having to use condoms for the rest of the month.

“Aren’t you on the pill?” a (male) friend asked.

She said that she was, but explained that she had to use condoms because of the antibiotics.

“Why?” he asked.

My friend and I were incredulous. Surely, everyone knows that antibiotics interact with hormonal birth control pills, and that you have to use what our high school health teacher called a “backup method” whenever you’re on antibiotics.

Our guy friend didn’t know that. OK, we figured, maybe guys don’t have this drilled into them, but surely all women know better than to bareback when they’re getting over a case of strep throat.

But some of the girls had never heard of that either. And so, in an effort to prevent a big “Opps!”, we’d like to present:

The Medicated Girl’s Guide to Getting Down

1. Ask your doctor. Whenever a doctor writes you anew RX, list all the other medications you’re taking and ask him/her about any possible interactions. It might be a good idea to write down your brand of BC in your phone/day planner, because these names are usually the hardest to remember. Mention any over-the-counter meds you take on a regular basis (especially vitamins/herbs/minerals). The doctor should be able to tell you if anything could undermine your pill’s effectiveness.

2. Ask the pharmacist. Yes, your doctor should have already told you about potential interactions, but medications only make up one small part of a doctor’s overall practice. Pharmacists, on the other hand, only work with the good stuff, and they’re often more knowledgeable about potential drug interactions. When you go to fill a new prescription, bring a list of all your OTC and prescribed meds, and ask the pharmacist about any potential red flags.

3. Be careful with the following medications. These substances may interact with birth control and probably call for a backup method.

a. Antibiotics

b. St. John’s Wort. If you take any herbal supplement that’s made up of multiple substances, check to make sure St. John’s Wort isn’t on the list of ingredients.

c. Rifampin (anti-tuberculosis drug)

d. Antiretroviral drugs (e.g., Ritonavir)

e. Phenobarbital (anti-seizure medication)

f. Griseofulvin (antifungal drug)

g. Carbamazepine (anti-seizure medication)

h. Topiramate (anti-seizure medication; migraine prevention)

i. Antidepressants/antianxiety medication. Some uncommon treatments for depression/anxiety, like Nefazodone, Diazepam, and Temazepam, can interfere with certain types of BC.

j. Soy Isoflavones (herbal supplement)

Most of these drugs have generics, so watch out for those too.

A Guy’s Guide to the G-Spot

First, let’s address one common misconception: when you’re trying to provide stimulation with your fingers, do not treat your fingers like a substitute for your penis. Fingering and penetration provide two very different kinds of sensations, each with its own pleasurable feelings.

A finger is a sad stand-in for a penis, so the goal is not to ram one or two fingers in and out of a girl’s vagina as quickly as you can. (If she wants that kind of penetration, your penis is the best option.) You’re not trying to mimic the act of intercourse; instead, you’re trying to create a very different sensation that turns her on and prepares her for intercourse.

The g-spot is a sensitive area of a woman’s vagina that has somehow attained mythical status in our culture. Guys think it’s the easiest way to make a girl come, and they think you push it like an elevator button until the girl starts screaming.

It’s easy to understand why: when a girl gives a hand job, her hand replicates the role a vagina plays in vaginal intercourse.

But the penis is actually the most inefficient way to make a woman orgasm. For women, an orgasm comes from mental, clitoral, or (rarely) g-spot stimulation. And while she can grind on you in a certain way to make a penis do the trick, fingers and vibrators are much more effective.

So abandon the idea of the penis as the shortest path to orgasm. Instead, start by teasing her. Slowly kiss your way down her torso. Gently lick (tip of the tongue only) her inner thighs. Then begin by slowly, and gently, rubbing her clitoris. Gradually increase pressure. Ask her to guide you if she’s comfortable—after all, she’s probably the expert in what gets her off.

But spend a good few minutes working the clitoris before you venture inside of her. The more aroused she is, the easier it’ll be to find the g-spot.

Have her lie down on her back, and slide one finger inside of her, palm face up. The g-spot is located on the vaginal wall closest to the wall, so you’ll be able to find it with the pad of your finger.

When your finger first enters her, the vaginal walls should feel soft and smooth. The g-spot, in contrast, will feel slightly rougher, with more of a bumpy surface. You should hit it by the time your second knuckle is inside of her (and probably before). Slowly feel your way up and down her vaginal wall until you find it. Curve your finger as if you were beckoning someone over to you to mimic the curve of her vagina.

If you don’t feel a change in surface, try coming out and performing more clitoral stimulation. The g-spot becomes enlarged (and thus easier to find) when the girl is aroused. Make sure her legs are wide open, and try having her lie on a pillow if you’re having trouble finding it.

Once you do find the g-spot, apply gentle pressure, again with your finger curled. Every g-spot is different, but most respond best to firm up-and-down pressure, like you were pressing a button (as opposed to the side-to-side motion that works on the clitoris).

Communicate with the girl to see how she feels. This is something you’ll need to work with her to achieve, and communication is key.

If she’s having trouble orgasming on her back, have her lie on her stomach and repeat the g-spot stimulation. This change in angle can sometimes align her vagina in a way that’s more conducive to orgasm.

But realize that this might not happen on the first try, and that g-spot orgasms aren’t as easy as they seem on TV. It takes patience and practice, and your partner has to feel comfortable.

Sometimes g-spot orgasms can lead to female ejaculation, a sensation that can feel very awkward for girls who’ve never done it before.

Right before a girl ejaculates, the sensation is very similar to the one she feels right before she pees. And while ejaculate is not urine, sometimes girls mistake it for an embarrassing lack of bladder control.

If she thinks she’s about to pee, she might do everything in her power to hold it back, which, obviously, prevents her from achieving orgasm. If you feel her tensing up, or if she seems uncomfortable, tell her to go with it, or say something like, “I think you’re about to come—it’s not what you think it is.”

If she asks you to stop, you might want to give her the full explanation. She might not make it to climax this time, but she’ll have fewer reservations next time.

NYTimes Gets Ultra Romantic

Because nothing's more romantic than a tragic accident, The New York Times is celebrating Valentine's Day by posting a photo of an Olympic hopeful DYING IN A LUGING CRASH as the feature photo on its home page.