A finger is a sad stand-in for a penis, so the goal is not to ram one or two fingers in and out of a girl’s vagina as quickly as you can. (If she wants that kind of penetration, your penis is the best option.) You’re not trying to mimic the act of intercourse; instead, you’re trying to create a very different sensation that turns her on and prepares her for intercourse.
The g-spot is a sensitive area of a woman’s vagina that has somehow attained mythical status in our culture. Guys think it’s the easiest way to make a girl come, and they think you push it like an elevator button until the girl starts screaming.
It’s easy to understand why: when a girl gives a hand job, her hand replicates the role a vagina plays in vaginal intercourse.
But the penis is actually the most inefficient way to make a woman orgasm. For women, an orgasm comes from mental, clitoral, or (rarely) g-spot stimulation. And while she can grind on you in a certain way to make a penis do the trick, fingers and vibrators are much more effective.
So abandon the idea of the penis as the shortest path to orgasm. Instead, start by teasing her. Slowly kiss your way down her torso. Gently lick (tip of the tongue only) her inner thighs. Then begin by slowly, and gently, rubbing her clitoris. Gradually increase pressure. Ask her to guide you if she’s comfortable—after all, she’s probably the expert in what gets her off.
But spend a good few minutes working the clitoris before you venture inside of her. The more aroused she is, the easier it’ll be to find the g-spot.
Have her lie down on her back, and slide one finger inside of her, palm face up. The g-spot is located on the vaginal wall closest to the wall, so you’ll be able to find it with the pad of your finger.
When your finger first enters her, the vaginal walls should feel soft and smooth. The g-spot, in contrast, will feel slightly rougher, with more of a bumpy surface. You should hit it by the time your second knuckle is inside of her (and probably before). Slowly feel your way up and down her vaginal wall until you find it. Curve your finger as if you were beckoning someone over to you to mimic the curve of her vagina.
If you don’t feel a change in surface, try coming out and performing more clitoral stimulation. The g-spot becomes enlarged (and thus easier to find) when the girl is aroused. Make sure her legs are wide open, and try having her lie on a pillow if you’re having trouble finding it.
Once you do find the g-spot, apply gentle pressure, again with your finger curled. Every g-spot is different, but most respond best to firm up-and-down pressure, like you were pressing a button (as opposed to the side-to-side motion that works on the clitoris).
Communicate with the girl to see how she feels. This is something you’ll need to work with her to achieve, and communication is key.
If she’s having trouble orgasming on her back, have her lie on her stomach and repeat the g-spot stimulation. This change in angle can sometimes align her vagina in a way that’s more conducive to orgasm.
But realize that this might not happen on the first try, and that g-spot orgasms aren’t as easy as they seem on TV. It takes patience and practice, and your partner has to feel comfortable.
Sometimes g-spot orgasms can lead to female ejaculation, a sensation that can feel very awkward for girls who’ve never done it before.
Right before a girl ejaculates, the sensation is very similar to the one she feels right before she pees. And while ejaculate is not urine, sometimes girls mistake it for an embarrassing lack of bladder control.
If she thinks she’s about to pee, she might do everything in her power to hold it back, which, obviously, prevents her from achieving orgasm. If you feel her tensing up, or if she seems uncomfortable, tell her to go with it, or say something like, “I think you’re about to come—it’s not what you think it is.”
If she asks you to stop, you might want to give her the full explanation. She might not make it to climax this time, but she’ll have fewer reservations next time.